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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to throw all "dps" things onto the river

27 replies

notlikecherrycola · 27/06/2017 18:14

delivered so has been cheating again on he left monday morning took bank cards and money left me with no cash . I can't cope i have no friends or family to turn too . the kids as much as i love them are hard work (eldest has autism and other 2 are 3 and 1 both still bfeeding to sleep etc) .

I just want to run away from it all . Why does he get to get away scot free yet i have to suffer ? I'm trying to hold it together for the kids but inside im a mess.
wibu to throw every single item of his in the river directly across from us ?

OP posts:
grobagsforever · 27/06/2017 18:18

No you would not BU. But first you need a plan. How can you access some money? Do you have food in house?

qazxc · 27/06/2017 18:19

Whilst it might be momentarily satisfying, it probably will be used against you and not a good idea.
Can you call the Samaritans if you have no rl help.

qazxc · 27/06/2017 18:22

If he has any items of value, you would not be unreasonable to bring them to cash converters or similar to provide for you and the children considering he has left you penniless.

Original poster
notlikecherrycola · 27/06/2017 18:22

I used his amazon account to order food from prime now (thank god for amazon ) but that's short term solution . I don't even have a bank card i usually use his .
I can transfer money into my account online but will need to walk 45 minutes to get to the bank . I don't even have busfair in the house. The baby is loaded with cold and its rained all day but will need to brave it tommorow .

OP posts:
Original poster
notlikecherrycola · 27/06/2017 18:24

infact scrap that just realised i dont have any Id 😭 . i cant believe I'm in this situation again.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 27/06/2017 18:25

Sell his stuff as qaz says. Can you use his Prime account still? I'd do that while you can since he's left you without support.

Butterymuffin · 27/06/2017 18:25

Ring Women's Aid and ask for advice.

MissionItsPossible · 27/06/2017 18:25

Do not listen to the first posters. Yes it may be an act of revenge and temporarily make you feel better but do you need a potential charge of criminal damage hanging over your head at this time too to add to the stress? Revenge is best served cold. Wait until the time is right to really hurt him.

Call the Samaritans/Citizens Advice Bureau and seek some advice in the mean time.

MissionItsPossible · 27/06/2017 18:28

Sorry, why don't you have any ID? Has he taken it from you or did you not have one in the first place? Do you have a bank card to draw it out once it's been transferred?

Original poster
notlikecherrycola · 27/06/2017 18:30

he's heartless i honestly don't think there's anything I could do that would hurt him. I want his stuff out of here everytime i see it i get angry /upset, i have texted him repeatedly asking him to get them

OP posts:
Original poster
notlikecherrycola · 27/06/2017 18:31

I have never had photo ID stupid im retrospect i know

OP posts:
Original poster
notlikecherrycola · 27/06/2017 18:32

No bank card its long been lost i never have money in my account so never needed it

OP posts:
HereBeFuckery · 27/06/2017 18:36

I don't suppose your account is NatWest? Only if it is, you can use their mobile app to withdraw cash until a new card arrives. Doesn't save you the trip to town though, sorry.

Original poster
notlikecherrycola · 27/06/2017 18:38

HereBeFuckery its not its rbs but i had completely forgotten emergency cash !! thank you . just tested it out and seemed to work , thats one less worry atleast .

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 27/06/2017 18:43

Ring them immediately cherrycola and tell them you need a replacement card sent to you. They will ask you security questions but they will be about yourself so you should be fine. It will come in 2-3 days (well, mine did even though they said longer) so I would be tempted to ring tonight so you're not waiting until Monday.

Original poster
notlikecherrycola · 27/06/2017 18:49

MissionItsPossible thanks just done it online it was quick and simple thankfully, , hopefully card comes fast .

OP posts:
Neverknowing · 27/06/2017 19:17

Bless you op. This is horrible 😓
If you manage to get a card try and remove as much cash as you can before he cancels the card and then look into benefits to support you. Hope everything gets better soon !!

LittleOwl153 · 27/06/2017 19:27

When you go to the bank ask to speak to someone. Tell them the basics of your situation. Get them to set up a bank account on your name only. Get your own cards. Stash as much as you can get out of joint accounts in there. Ring benefits, get child benefit and anything else you get changed to that account too.

Do you have a shed or garage you can pack his stuff into?

HereBeFuckery · 27/06/2017 19:54

That's something, at least.
Can you ring CAB tomorrow to get help with benefits? I think they give good advice.
Flowers to you, it's scary and horrible.

Original poster
notlikecherrycola · 27/06/2017 20:25

I don't know how I'm going to cope i know what I need to do but I can't do them.
how will I manage school run . Dd has alot of school issues and getting her there with car is bad enough walking 25 minutes each way is horrendous luckily she has just finished for summer hols but August is going to be a nightmare . 3 year old due to start nursery in August how can I make her feel safe and secure with all this happening 😢 i dont know what to do now .

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 27/06/2017 20:30

Does your DD have an EHCP or a formal diagnosis? If so, if you contact your 0-25 team they probably be able to help with transport, at least in the short term.

Original poster
notlikecherrycola · 27/06/2017 20:32

SmileEachDay she doesn't have formal diagnosis yet its taking forever to get anywhere .

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 27/06/2017 20:34

That's a difficult stage - but just seen you're broken up for summer, so that buys you a bit of time.

I'd be contacting local autism support groups/charities - depending on area there is some really ace support that will help with the summer.

ohtheholidays · 27/06/2017 20:52

Have you got any family,friends that can help out with the practical side of things?

With the diagnosis taking ages I'd suggest getting intouch with your DR and tell them how difficult things are they may be able to help push for you to get seen a bit quicker another way is to ring the secretary of the person you need to see(if you know who that is)it doesn't always work but sometimes they can help get you seen a bit quicker also try contacting the relevant charity as well sometimes they can help you word things or they know who you can contact to try and get help quicker.

If you have the time tonight have alook online at the benefits calculator and see what your entitled to and start applying for all your entitled to asap.The sooner you apply for the help the sooner you should start receiving the money,when you apply make sure you include any paperwork they need(send copies not the originals if you can)and answer everything you can and make sure to read back over it all so you haven't forgotten anything.

It's bloody hard I know but you can do this,I ended a relationship when I was pregnant with my 4th and still breastfeeding my 3rd who is autistic.You've got this,show him just how bloody amazing you are Flowers

Queenofthestress · 27/06/2017 21:37

Income support only takes 2 weeks max to come through