AIBU - ADHD medication worries

[ZanyMobster]

DS2 (9) has started ADHD medication this week, I know it is the best thing for him to try it but I have this awful feeling inside, I am worrying it will change him and every time I think about his funny 'quirks' eg saying random things in the middle of a totally unrelated conversation, bursting into song randomly when trying to concentrate I just feel sad.

I know deep down I am being daft but can anyone give me any advice/share experiences to help me.

I feel totally selfish worrying about these things but he has the most lovely, funny personality and I am so inexperienced in all this. Diagnosis for ASD and ADHD have happened very quickly so it's all a bit of a whirlwind. Disclaimer - I do know IABU and completely irrational but I feel very alone as in RL everyone just says how positive etc it is, even DH doesn't get why I am out of sorts over it.

Thanks all!

Hi Zany. It's very late here in Asia so I am just place marking for now and will send full answer tomorrow. My son (7) has the same diagnosis. So difficult. But in short, your son will still be your same wonderful quirky boy - the meds don't take that away. There are lots of downsides to the drugs - suppression of appetite for one- but they can be so helpful too. In a way they somehow reveal your boy again as he really is, without the bouncing and constant restlessness. Plus he won't be on the meds all the time - ours is only ever on them for school hours - so we don't ever see him medicated anyway.

I'm rambling. Will write tomorrow. But you and he will be ok.

Dd doesnt act much differently on her meds.
She is better able to get her thoughts in order so appears to talk more.

DS2 is on medication for ADHD, and we are still getting our full quota of 'random things' daily! Also the bursting into song at various times.

The medication really hasn't changed his personality at all, it simply allows him to focus better.

We decided for various reasons not to give dd medication for her ADHD. We managed. However, there are a lot of cases, and this could well include yours whereby putting the child on medication actually increases their chances of success. If the child is calmer and more able to take on board instruction, take notes and organised themselves, you're probably doing him a favour.
Interestingly, dd's twin has to take dexamphetamine as she has narcolepsy. She's fine, no different other than a bit cranky on the day she doesn't take them!
Having said all that, give it six weeks and if you're not happy, start with discussing a change in medication and go from there. Good luck!

One of my kids has ADHD, I wasn't enthusiastic about the diagnosis and was very anti medicating my child, however, it got to the point where he obviously needed help.

He's now been on meds since September, at first a very how 2.5mg dose, then 5 and recently 10. It's made a massive difference, huge difference. He is much happier and calmer in his meds. With the heat last week when he wasn't medicated he was extremely distressed (he has ASD too) when he was medicated he could cope much better.

He talks when he's Medictaed, he can articulate in ways he can't medicated, he recently did a test which scored him significantly above average in his comprehension. We would not have seen that if he wasn't mediated.

Managing his weight can be an issue, he a slight boy anyway and medicated he doesn't want to eat, so it's a struggle.

I was so wrong about my inicial fears about medication, I still have worries for the long term, and it may all have to stop if we can't get his weight up. But give it a go and see, it may make his life so much easier.

Bumping for you OP, we suspect that DS has ADHD but, like you, are concerned in what would be lost in an attempt to help him to concentrate, listen and focus.

Have you spken to his doctor about your concerns? They may be able to reassure you.

We're hoping to hold off until DS is nearer your son's age (currently 7) but I think he'll struggle in Yr 6 and secondary school as he is now, so I'm interested to see what other replies you get.

Alternative viewpoint here - I have ADHD and currently can't take the meds (TTC), but I WISH that I could. Living with ADHD every day, the frustration, the guilt, the forgetfulness, the constant bloody distraction..... It's hard. It's really bloody hard work. Your son needs the help. Think of it like crutches, or glasses - you wouldn't tell someone that was short sighted to "just try a bit harder to see", you'd get them the medical aid they needed! ADHD is a disability. I hope the meds work for him.

Wow, thank you all, these are all fabulous replies, it's ridiculous but I feel tearful in a different way now .

DS has an ASD diagnosis too, plus he has phonological processing difficulties so I know that if his head is calmer there could be lots of improvements for him.

Lions any info is so much appreciated, thank you.

Pomegranate that is good to know

Its really interesting as DS had a tough week in the heat last week too and I did wonder if his difficulties just made it all too overwhelming for him, it will be interesting to see what/if there is any difference with that sort of distress.

He is actually quite a bit overweight so I am not too concerned re the appetite, he is very active and doesn't actually eat a huge amount but he seems to follow a family trait of being overweight till 12/13 yrs then becoming tall and skinny. That said, obviously anything too drastic will still be a worry. We are going back in 3 weeks so we can see the consultant before we go on our summer holiday.

It's so silly how much I worry, my DH is so laid back and can only ever see the positives in things, I wish I was more like him at times!

It's been bliss for all of us since ds started his. He's still quirky, but like others the meds enable him to focus. If the first one isn't right, go back, we're on our third drug, finally found one that we are all happy with.

Crying I think I was a bit surprised that he was prescribed meds I only asked the real practical questions and hadn't really thought through my other worries.

Divorcing thank you, that is definitely what I need to hear. It will be interesting to see how his school day has gone when I collect him shortly.

Inflagrante - that is so what I am hoping for. It would be so amazing for him (and us)

Hi OP my DS 7 has ADHD and ASD, I was dead set against meds initially because I was worried it was going to change his personality, I only agreed to try so I could then say 'i told you so' when it happened- BUT - it's the best thing we ever did for him, he can now focus at school and he has come on in leaps and bounds since Jan (when we started).

He is still 'him' and we still get all his quirks (the singing, the imaginative play etc) but he can now sit still and listen and concentrate in class. We only medicate during school hours so he doesn't have tablets at weekends etc.

Could be worth a try and see how your DS gets on.

Our ds has been on a new med called Intuniv for about 3 months. It is fabulous. Works 24 hours

So pleased to hear all these positive experiences. You really have made me feel so much better about it all.

Hi OP! Not against mess if that's what you want, but you don't have to medicate. If you live his quirks, don't Medicate them away. Can you get him into sport in a big way, help him learn techniques like mindfulness and fthe be other way around to manage his symptoms? Some of our greatest athletes, dancers, and sportspeople had ADHD symptoms, but channelled it and turned there 'disability' into an advantage!

Sorry, 'mess' not mess! and 'love' not 'live'

Hi OP. My ex went on to Ritalin and the dose was a bit high, so he was out of sorts at first. However, once it went down he was so much more able to participate in and run his own life. The right medication can be marvellous.

Read what we are saying user - no one is medicating quirks away.

you sound like you don't have any direct experience of ADHD.

I've worked with primary aged children with ADHD. I'm being vague on purpose.

I found that children that had zero hope of coping in mainstream due to ADHD were helped so much by medication. There were side effects and it would wear odd during the day but I worked around all of it.

I have to say that the medication did not affect their quirks or personality. It helped them actually work and focus, but their personality and the odd but brilliant outlook and 'quirks' remained.

I bloody loved that job. Working with children with ADHD was never boring. No day was the same and it was a privilege to see the sometimes impossible world through their eyes and perspective.

Just from a kids point of view my 12yo ds started ConcertaXl a year ago. It took about 8 months to get the dosage right. In his last review he told his consultant that for the first time his head didn't feel busy. He has gone from been assessed academically at year 2 to now peer age levels.
He has all of his lovely traits still but is calm cooperative and happy. He also has asd and Tourettes. I was against medication for so long but now the world can see how amazing my son is and not just me. Best of luck

My bil is on adhd meds. One in the morning and a different one in the evening that helps him unwind.

The daytime one doesn't affect his personality at all, just helps him concentrate and seem less all over the place. It's very stressful being around him unmedicated as he's extremely hyper and hops from one thing to the next.
Nighttime one can make him slightly withdrawn but tbh he needs to wind down at the end of the day or he'd be bouncing off the walls at 2am.

user do you know many people with ADHD (not just ADHD symptoms ) ?
It would be cruel if bil wasn't medicated.
Comments like yours stop parents seeking the help they need for their children as they feel guilty.
ADHD is a very real disability, please don't belittle it.

You can't medicate personality away, don't be daft. I have adhd, it would be seriously cruel and abusive to withhold medication if that's what drs recommend/and it works for your child, especially through big life changes like starting secondary school, sitting exams and learning to drive. Give him a fair chance to find a med or med combo that work for him before he hits that stuff. In medicated adhd is linked to addiction problems, bipolar, eating disorders and criminality as adults. So factor that in when worrying about 'quirks'. If your kid had diabetes you would medicate, if they had a heart condition you would medicate, if they were sui (& unmedicated adhd is linked to this) you would medicated. Adhd is just as serious a disability and medication can massively enhance our ability to access day to day life and make a success of it. Don't withhold that over uninformed fears about loosing quirks.

Adhd Meds like any other needs given at the optimal dosage, that's least side effects for maximum gain. That maybe tiny dose, it maybe a combination of Meds, it maybe off licence ones-it takes a while to get it right for most of us. When it is right it's like being free to be more myself, being able to do the things others take for granted without major over compensation (adhd has links to cfs, no fucking wounder) or without 100 times the mental effort it takes other people. It means I can reserve some of my energy for things I enjoy. Living with permenantly low dopamine is horrid, treating that helps hugely. I've spoken to alot of adults with adhd whose parents either withheld medication or refused to have their kids assessed, to say we resent our parents for that is putting it mildly. Looking back knowing you could have had a reasonable chance to get the grades you wanted or the qualifications you wanted or whatever and knowing your own parents stopped that is a fucking bitter pill. Also one of the amazing things about medicating kids is that as brains have use dependant development taking those Meds that stimulate the areas that deal with focus means they have a chance of improving how their brains function with age. As the Meds help use focus the neurons link up that previously would never have had the chance to due to low dopamine function, so these connections mean adhd symptoms may lessen over time. It also allows us to put coping mechanisms into place that enable the same, literally rewiring the developing brain. If you leave that until adulthood when the brain is already developed you have no chance of this amazing benefit.

*unmedicated

My son (12) has now been on meds for four and a half years.

Of course I wish he didn't take them.
But without the medication he wouldn't be coping in mainstream. He is unable to sit quietly and concentrate without it (I know because we have breaks during the summer)
He has friends. Before meds he didn't. He was always on the outside of a group, never understanding the rules.
He has pride in himself and pride in the gifts that ADHD brings. ADHD brings energy, restlessness, sportiness, ability to take risks, sense of humour, thinking outside the box.

He is growing in height and weight exactly as he should be. I am very proud of him and I celebrate his quirkiness and randomness (which is very much still there). I am so thankful that the medication is available.