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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL being stupid about allergies

61 replies

MILCrap · 26/06/2017 13:07

So Ds (2) has a delayed gluten allergy -throws up a lot after few hours. MIL invited family over the weekend for his birthday where she had pizzas, and all sorts of gluten stuff all over the place at really close proximity of my toddler.
I had already asked her to keep these stuff out of reach and have gluten free close to him, she agreed but she didn't do it! Boy screaming his head off as he wasn't allowed a pizza, cake and all that (I had brought my own but obviously he had to have what he wasn't allowed!). I ended up being locked away to keep him away. I repeatedly asked her to move these stuff a bit further but she wasn't having any... At the end I felt bad and I stopped asking I just kept him away in another room in his own party

I'm quite upset, she puts others above him! Her being a nice host is more important than my ds allergy! I don't get it she's supposed to be family... AIBU? WWYD in this case?

OP posts:
Starlighter · 26/06/2017 13:34

That's terrible! There are so many Gluten free options out there now, all major supermarkets would do GF pizza, cakes, everything!

His own GM should've tried to accommodate him at his own birthday party, imo. Sounds like she doesn't take his allergy seriously. Don't let her host a party for him again.

Naty1 · 26/06/2017 13:35

Wondering how they diagnose a delayed allergy of this type?
As i didnt think blood or skin tests would show it?
As dd1 i think gets refluxy with soya. But the gp wont refer.

I think it would be ok to have the other allergic food but out of reqch of the toddler as adults are capable of walking to get it.
However, gluten allergy is always going to be stressful for a parent especially if like mine the dc grab any unattended food. Especially biscuits.

cakecakecheese · 26/06/2017 13:38

The thing that gets me is that she agreed to be careful about gluteny stuff and then just ignored it. Does she do this kind of thing a lot?

StrangeAndUnusual · 26/06/2017 13:38

OP - has this 'delayed gluten allergy' been diagnosed by a doctor or is it something you've noticed yourself?

I ask, because my child also vomits two to three hours after eating gluten. He has coeliac disease. Although vomiting isn't listed as one of the common coeliac symptoms, it seems much more common in children with coeliac (every time I meet another parent of a coeliac child, they say this happens!)

Just wanted to make sure you have investigated this, as it's really important to know if someone is coeliac.

Original poster
MILCrap · 26/06/2017 13:39

Thank you all for the support! He is two and yes it's extremely hard for him to understand. His big brother is allergic too but he totally gets it (he's 5) and he wouldn't go near it

Yes Dh did speak to her , beforehand as well to make sure we are on the same page, but she wasn't listening, she loves parties and I think she saw it as an opportunity to host rather than a kid's birthday party
Not sure she's narcissistic, more of an idiot I'd say!!!
I'm more pissed off wih myself that I didn't fucking walk out! She made me feel so bad, I'm surprised I didn't end up apologising myself! I know I should grow a pair!!!!

OP posts:
StrangeAndUnusual · 26/06/2017 13:39

Posted too soon.

It's important to know because coeliac isn't an allergy, it's an autoimmune condition, and that's a completely different thing.

Original poster
MILCrap · 26/06/2017 13:40

cakecakecheese yes yes yes yes she does!!!

OP posts:
Redsippycup · 26/06/2017 13:41

I immediately thought of the Morrisons advert too.

I would have to show MIL the advert and tell her that is how a normal grandparent would behave, that she ruined his party and should be ashamed of herself.

Obviously depends how angry you are Wink

Original poster
MILCrap · 26/06/2017 13:41

strange he's waiting for referal but at the moment pediatrician acknowledged the problem and told me to steer clear!

OP posts:
Original poster
MILCrap · 26/06/2017 13:41

Googling morrisons advert....

OP posts:
StarHeartDiamond · 26/06/2017 13:50

Say no to her hosting anything like that for the foreseeable and when she asks why, tell her.

If that was my dgc I'd have done him his own section/small table with balloons etc and the food he can eat on it (gluten free) and made it look a lot of fun. I would also have liased with you to ask what would be suitable or party food alternatives.

People on get wonder why there's so much mil bashing. This thread is why! A lot of mils are "my way or the highway" because they can't bear their authority being challenged (as they see it) even when it's over something like party food that suits the dgcs medical needs.

StrangeAndUnusual · 26/06/2017 13:52

Really bad advice from your paediatrician, OP, sorry they did that. It's not a good idea to remove gluten from the diet until the coeliac test has been done (and the blood test should have been done straight away).

Underparmummy · 26/06/2017 13:54

For his own birthday party everything should have been gluten free.

seagreengirl · 26/06/2017 13:54

I feel for you OP and your DS. People are supposed to enjoy their own parties. It sounds as if you did all you could bringing things for your DS to eat and it certainly sounds as if you don't expect all parties to center your DS and his needs.

But ...at his OWN party...she sounds mean.

lifetothefull · 26/06/2017 13:57

YANBU, but it will get easier as he gets older and starts to understand what he is and isn't allowed even if she does not become more reasonable. Hopefully she will become more accommodating given time to get used to it.

RidingWindhorses · 26/06/2017 13:57

It's easy enough to do gluten free pizza and cake. Say no thanks next time.

DrDreReturns · 26/06/2017 13:58

There seems to be a generational gap between those who just don't understand what an allergy is and sensible people
This. DS has several allergies. The older generation, in general, just don't seem to get it at all, which is understandable I suppose as allergies were rare a generation ago. I'm sure they think we are just being awkward but it is a matter of life and death to DS.

Original poster
MILCrap · 26/06/2017 14:04

Star you nailed it! It's an authority thing, her house her rules. Because it's delayed response and she hasn't witnessed it herself she doesn't accept it

OP posts:
Original poster
MILCrap · 26/06/2017 14:06

Strange yes I see what you mean but the test might take a while and other than the vommiting thing which might last few days, it also manifests itself into him getting swallen inside nose/adenoids and being up all nights it's really odd hence she told me to really keep him away for nowSad

OP posts:
Albadross · 26/06/2017 14:06

I had to rugby tackle ds to the ground as he grabbed an egg sandwich at a friend's baby shower, he knocked the entire tray all over the floor and it was a disaster - so if it was his party then it's completely unreasonable for her to have put out food within reach that he couldn't have!

PinkHeart5911 · 26/06/2017 14:07

She insisted on the party Well his your ds not hers so next year when she "insists" on the party you say no you will be hosting your ds party. You have to be firm with these things

Fair enough to have things with gluten in for others to enjoy but it wouldn't of be difficult to make sure food at a 2 year olds eye level was suitable for the allergy. I.e gluten food on high kitchen counter, gluten free on lower coffee table etc where child can get too, that's what I do when my friend brings her dc over with allergies

Mumski45 · 26/06/2017 14:07

That is so unfair to expect a 2 year old not to have most of the food available at his own party. I would insist on hosting his party yourself next time.

Just a warning for the future but in order for him to test positive for coeliac disease he may need to be exposed to it. If he is tested whilst on a gluten free diet then the test could show a negative result.

TiredMumToTwo · 26/06/2017 14:09

YANBU

Madeyemoodysmum · 26/06/2017 14:09

As a mum of a nut allergy sufferer. He will have to get used to this and best he learns early. However he is only 2 and as his grandmother I would expect a lot more consideration from her. So she has also been unreasonable

blankface · 26/06/2017 14:09

Been there OP with over 20 years' experience of cowsmilk and sulphite allergies, not digestive consequences but severe eczema outbreaks that still can take weeks to heal.

What a nasty woman your MIL is. I'd have told her in no uncertain terms how her attitude stinks. That's just like putting a 2 year old in the Disney Store and telling them they can have anything that costs 50p, but nothing else that costs more and expecting to see a beaming grateful child.

Do not leave your kids alone with her if there's the slightest chance she could feed them, even snacks. She'll be the one that says 'Oh a biscuit won't hurt'

She needs putting in her place and soon, sod her "feelings" she needs a dose of education, reality and consequences.

GFCake for your little ones.