Who pays?

[themumfairy]

Yesterday i took a friend to her hospital appointment. I've took her before and ended up paying the parking fee as she forgot her purse. I honestly didn't mind as it was only a few quid and i had it in loose change in the car anyway. However yesterday she 'forgot' her purse again and this time as she was in there a few hours it was a bit more. I don't ask for petrol as the hospital is in our city and I'm not that tight but as I wouldn't be there if i didn't take her surely she should pay. Or aibu and should just pay each time. She's got another appointment next week so I'm expecting a text soon asking if I am available.

Personally I would never offer her a lift again but if you must I would text her "please don't forget your purse again as this ferrying you around is costing me quite a lot of money"

Like you, if it was a good friend who genuinely forgot their purse once, then I wouldn't mind paying at all.

If it becomes a habit, or the norm, then I would start to feel very resentful.

You are the one doing your friend a favour. The least she should be prepared to do is pay for parking - it'll still be much cheaper and more convenient than a taxi both ways I assume?

Did you say anything along the lines of "OK, you can pay me back when I drop you home?" If so, what was her reaction?

Certainly for central London hospitals, parking is limited and it is often a lot cheaper to either take public transport or a taxi, which I assume they would prefer you to do.

(Any cheaper and you end up with the situation at the hospital I take my mother to, where parking is impossible unless you arrive first thing in the morning, with a queue along the street. A nightmare if you are trying to take an 88 year old with mobility problems and Alzheimers.)

Perhaps you could suggest that you would be happy to accompany her, but in view of the cost of parking it might be better if she ordered a cab.

"sorry no, it's cost me a fortune in parking already" and be prepared to relent if she absolutely promises to pay.

You shouldn't be a penny out of pocket.

For me, it would depend on why she is going and the circumstances.

For example, if she is having chemo and is thus physically too ill to take herself, then I would gladly take her and wouldn't dream of taking petrol and parking money. I would see it as my way of lightening a very heavy burden.

But if we are talking something far more routine and she just wants a lift to make life easier then I would consider putting a stop to it. Or telling her that you can take her but won't be able to wait around to take back.

Is she well enough that you can drop her off and go and do something else, then she rings to be picked up?

No way should you be paying for the parking if you haven't chosen to do so.

"I'm on my way to pick you up, don't forget to bring your purse x"
Problem solved.

Obviously she pays! Wtf!

by not paying parking costs so far due to a 'forgotten' purse, has she saved enough for a taxi yet?

Alternatively, when she gets in the car say "have you got everything? What about your purse, you seem to keep forgetting it?" make her check before you leave with a "good thing I reminded you!"

She should pay. Someone picked me up once and I paid their parking and went through a Starbucks drive thru so I could get them a coffee and a cake. Basic manner surely?!

See, if I knew someone that carried on like this they'd be no "friend" of mine.

She should pay of course!!! And buy you a coffee!!!

Tell her to bring change for it, however before we condemn her is this for routine non serious visits? If it's for something more serious could it be that she's focused on what's happening when she gets there and honestly hasn't thought? Like a pp said if she's in for chemo or similar. Definitely ask for it now but I wouldn't write her off as a free loader in some possible scenarios.

A lot more info needed. What sort of reason is she at the hospital for? Is she normally tight or generous? Would she do favours for you?

I tend to think that if this were my friend I'd pay and not be bothered. But depends on the above...

If she asks you about a lift next week "sorry friend, after paying for parking and petrol the ;last two times my petrol budget is a bit tight so can't offer you a lift

This!

Thanks all. I'll definitely say have you remembered everything including purse next time. I honestly don't mind doing it but after starting this thread and thinking about it this isn't the only thing she gets out of paying. I've never really paid much attention but it's usually me who buys lunch and if we go out I pay for the taxi. Maybe I need to stop and see if our friendship continues.

Forget your purse next time and see what she says!

Bring it up when she asks you for the lift, don't wait until she gets in the car or she might have no money, no change, card or something. If you have time for the lift say yes but you are going to have to insist she pays for the parking this time as it's starting to add up.

"Remember your purse, you already owe me £x for parking already, don't worry about any extra for petrol though x"

I'm unclear why you are parking? Surely if you drop her and collect it would be easier, cheaper and mean you weren't hanging around so long?

thinking about it this isn't the only thing she gets out of paying

I was going to agree with Finola that it depends on whether she's going for something very serious (and might even have genuinely forgotten her money) but this puts a very different slant on it

Definitely remind her about bringing her purse this time; if it still happens then it would be a downright no from me in future - and tell her why

Why get so nasty over a few quid? 1. The OP isn't being "nasty" at all. 2. The OP is not a charity.

I'm disabled and if my DH has not been able to drive me to hospital and my lovely SIL has taken me, no WAY have I let her pay for parking! She wouldn't have to park if she wasn't taking me! Why should she - or the OP - have to pay extortionate hospital parking just because she's been kind enough to drive?

OP I agree, IF you do it again don't let said "friend" get in the car without her purse (and parking money).

Text her and give her your bank details for the parking.
Stop paying for her lunches - oh you haven't got your purse. Never mind, I'm not that hungry - or well tell you what transfer me the cash for your lunch and I will buy it with my card

What is wrong with people? My friends and I argue over who'll pay as in we both want to. Surely if someone does you a favour that taks them out of their way, you pay because it's polite and a small way of saying 'thanks for the help, mate'.