To not allow exDP stay here...

[Divaroses26]

Basically DP & I have split after several years together, my choice although both of us had been unhappy for a while.

Now, he currently resides in london and I am approx 2.5hrs away from him with our Son, he wants to visit DS which of course I support but I don't want him to be staying at my house, whether it be in the day or overnight - I am only now managing to get myself back a little if that makes sense.

What's reasonable to accept? Should I be allowing him to stay here? Am I in the wrong?

Help!

No! Why would you? It's your home. Your space. Your privacy. He can work out his own arrangements, he's a grown man for heavens sake

hes moaning about it I'm guessing?

Has he not heard of b&bs, they're not that expensive.

He rang this morning, he was guilt tripping me, saying oh I'll ask a friend how long I can stay there to be able to see DS.

It's a headfuck!

Who moved away? If you moved, then really you should be looking at taking DC to London. If he moved then he should have worked out a way to see DC that doesn't involve relying on you letting him stay.

How'd you guess Gamerchick!!?

Have you got a back garden they could camp in?

I'm from here, he's from London, both respective families live in each place. DP & I didn't even live together properly during relationship he was always back and forth, so I suppose in answer to your question was DS has lived here in this house and always has x

I do have a back garden, but I just couldn't allow it, it would mean having to provide facilities for him which if I was going to do that i may as well allow him to use the sofa which I obv wanted to avoid x

Don't let him guilt trip you. In fact don't get into a conversation about it at all.. just tell him to let you know when he's got something sorted.

Thank you, I'm going to be strong!

'No, this has to start as it goes on. It's not appropriate for you to stay here, just as I wouldn't expect to stay in your house if I were to bring DS to see you.

Please don't make this difficult by trying to pressurise me over having somewhere to stay - if your friends cannot put you up, B&Bs are readily available.

It would be good for us to be clear on this point from the start as I don't want it to be an issue for the future and impact on DS. As we both move on with our lives it will be important for there to be clear boundaries, for both our sakes.'

Tell him to sort himself out.
He's surely big enough and ugly enough to make his own arrangements.

Is he trying to wangle his way back into your life, or is he just tight with money?
Either way, i wouldn't brook any conversation.
his accommodations are not your problem to solve.
cheeky prick.

Bit of both I think, he likes to think he still has some control over me I think.

Thanks for your words of wisdom, much appreciated! X

Maybe explain to him that you don't want to confuse your DS by having him there like that.

Which honestly can get your kid's hopes up for nothing so all the more reason to say no.

Please don't let him in.
Sounds like he would enjoy an opportunity to fuck you up.
It also sounds like he doesn't want you to move on.

he managed to leave before without a backward glance, so let him sort out his own shit.

Fuck that.

He can rent an airbnb, or a premier inn room, or take DS to his home town.

Exactly. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't the one being unreasonable. Now it's done I feel much better so don't want him back here confusing my feelings.

Am I supposed to allow him to come here to play without DS in garden/ DS bedroom etc? Or should they go out for the day? I'm so not clued up on the etiquette hence all the questions!

With our** not without!

No.
He can take DS out. You do not have to have them in your house at all.
This is his problem to sort out, not yours.
you are under no obligation whatsoever to host him in your own home.
let him in, and this could be his way of wangling his way back in to the house full time.

Consider getting some legal advice or perhaps someone will be along soon who can help more with this.

Thanks Mickey. Feel awful as the weather forecast isn't great tomo, EX DP isn't currently working so obviously money is tight, also, I don't want DS to just want to be able to come home from Nursery and obviously not be able to cos I don't want EX DP here. Awks.

Oh and ex DP also doesn't drive, the thought of DS trudging around in the rain 😭

Soft play? Child friendly museum?

How old is your ds?
I 100% wouldn't entertain the staying over but just to give you a different perspective I let my exh in the house unless he comes down with OW.
Dd's were 3.11 and 4 months when he moved 120 miles away. I felt that it was better for them (baby in particular) to be in their own environment where they felt secure. I didn't want them stuck in softplay/park/wandering around town/spending hours bored in McDonald's while he plays on his phone etc for a whole day from 8-5 every other weekend.

However apart from obviously walking out to be with OW and all the lies & deceit that go with that he's a reasonable human being - he's driven down & back for the day every other weekend for 2.5 years. We swap days/weekends if we need to etc, he offers to pay for 1/2 birthday parties, uniform etc. We can chat amicably & be pragmatic about things, although I do shoo them out the door if they are faffing and I have things to do!

The whole thing needs to be on your terms whatever you decide but depending on the person it can work ok.

Meet him at the door, hand over ds. There is no way he should be spending time in your house, you do not have to host him!