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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give him a lift to work?

56 replies

Pombliboo123 · 26/06/2017 07:49

I agreed to give one of the apprentices at my work a lift to and from work for a few days as the person who usually gives him a lift couldn't manage.

Fine. Except now it's been every day for 6 weeks!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know if IABU because it's only about 3 minutes out of my way so not a huge inconvience BUT he is a 17 year old boy, we don't have anything in common to speak about so either sit in silence or when we do speak he's actually just gets on my nerves because most teenagers do. Plus I work in HR so it seems a bit like crossing boundaries and finally the 25 minute drive to work and the 25 minute drive home is the ONLY TIME I GET TO BE ALONE. I can sing along to the radio (badly), speak to myself or just enjoy the peace.

It's two buses and a 20 minute walk to get to work from his house... am I being a selfish cowbag and should just give the poor lad a lift or not?

If not what the hell do I say to him to not sound like a selfish bitch?!

OP posts:
caffeinestream · 26/06/2017 07:51

Just tell him you can no longer give him a lift. He's doing it so he can stay in bed later and not pay bus fares!

Original poster
Pombliboo123 · 26/06/2017 07:52

Also forgot to say he claims he is having driving lessons but whenever I ask him how they are going his instructor "is on holiday" or has quit and he has to find a new instructor or his instructors car "is in the garage"

Plus it annoys me that I pay £100s to run my car ever month and he just gets a free ride every day!!!!

OP posts:
GlitterRoseGold · 26/06/2017 07:55

You need to say that he needs to contribute to petrol if you are to continue these lifts

afternoonnapper · 26/06/2017 08:00

Been there, done that, never again. I have a lift to a young boy many years ago and he smelt odd. Luckily he was in the back seat as I also gave a lift to another lovely lady.

They both contributed to fuel which was fine however he started being late for pick up (he lived in a flat so was easier for him to walk the 30 seconds to the nearest street). After 3 warnings and waiting so long one day it almost made me late, I simply told him I was no longer giving him a lift. Luckily I was good friends with his boss at work and spoke to her and she completely agreed with me.

Was such a relief not to have to take him.

Just say you know have to go a different route to work and won't be able to pick him up.

afternoonnapper · 26/06/2017 08:01

Oh also meant to add if he's old enough to work, he's old enough to sort out getting himself to work.

Tinseleverywhere · 26/06/2017 08:02

At my dhs work there is not a regular bus route so a lot of the people give lifts but they charge £20 a week. So if you are going to keep it up why not charge him for your inconvenience.

Lexilooo · 26/06/2017 08:05

Tell him he needs to start contributing to your petrol and walking to meet you at a place on your route so that you don't need to go out of your way. It will either put him off or make you feel better if he isn't getting a free ride

figandvanillacandle · 26/06/2017 08:05

Awkward.

I had someone give me a lift at a similar age. I look back and I absolutely cringe at how much I took it for granted. I didn't offer fuel or anything Blush

Awful behaviour on my part.

I think if he's been getting a lift before he might just not realise.

But I really hear you on the only peace you get. And it might just do him a favour to be pulled up on his rudeness.

troodiedoo · 26/06/2017 08:08

Why can't the previous person give him a lift now? At the very least he should be paying petrol money. But just tell him you can't do it any more if you don't want to. You could blame it on senior management saying it's unprofessional or something.

Coddiwomple · 26/06/2017 08:09

He's doing it so he can stay in bed later and not pay bus fares!

Of course not, he's obviously doing it because it's inconvenient and it takes him longer by car than it would be by public transport Hmm

I will never understand these posters horrified that someone doing a favour is actually helping out someone else.

Anyway OP it's fine to stop if you don't want to do it! If you don't want to refuse point blank, you can always come up with an excuse about going the other way for some reasons, you can limit the lifts to once or twice the week, you can ask for money. It's entirely up to you.
Just be kind and give him some warning, maybe a week?

SafeToCross · 26/06/2017 08:12

Decide what you want - to stop or to have a set contribution. Then tell him today. Its nice to help students and apprentice's out, but you have done your bit, and it was sold to you as a few days. If you get any respinse other than a thanks for the lifts so far, then that is very rude.

Creampastry · 26/06/2017 08:14

Do a few early starts and late leaving. Very cheeky to not offer money.

Coddiwomple · 26/06/2017 08:17

Very cheeky to not offer money

Not really, I know quite a few people in real life who would be really offended to be offered money, and they are not the most wealthy ones. It doesn't mean you can't find another way to thank them.

luckylucky24 · 26/06/2017 08:18

Could he not go back to the other person giving him a lift?

Tinseleverywhere · 26/06/2017 08:31

As a young person it's understandable that he didn't offer money as he probably just doesn't realise, not having had his own car. It's only when you have given someone lifts you realise how inconvenient it is.
I don't think it would be rude to tell him you want a fair contribution, not just for fuel but charge him for your time too, its probably still cheaper than public transport, if he is going to keep getting a lift with you. But if you really don't want to continue then it would be nicer to come up with an excuse. Are your hours a bit flexible, could you start and finish earlier so it wouldn't fit in with his hours?

emmyrose2000 · 26/06/2017 08:34

What happened to the original person he was getting a lift with? Is there some reason they haven't resumed that?

I will never understand these posters horrified that someone doing a favour is actually helping out someone else.

I agree. Helping someone out isn't a sign that Armageddon is coming. However, it can't all be one sided.

I don't think it's outrageous to carpool/offer someone a lift to/from work - IF the passenger is paying his way. Seeing as you're going that way anyway, I'd make this work for me. Tell him you can continue to give him a ride, but he has to pay for petrol (whatever amount seems fair).

With my first proper job, the public transport options were virtually non existent. I was fortunate that one of my coworkers was happy to give me a lift in exchange for me paying the toll each way. (Plus every now and then I'd give him extra for petrol/"just because").

TrishanFlips · 26/06/2017 08:56

It seems a bit mean to stop giving him a lift but he should contribute to the costs and perhaps he should get picked up on part of your normal route so you do not have to go out of your way. Why has the other person not started giving him lifts again?

makeourfuture · 26/06/2017 08:59

Talk about jeremy corbyn! Bridges all divides!

Funnyface1 · 26/06/2017 09:01

I would just say "just letting you know this is the last week I can give you a lift. From Monday you'll have to make your own way in." You don't really need to give a reason, just tail it off like that if you want to stop. You offered a few days, not a permanent situation, so it's not unreasonable.

hazeydays14 · 26/06/2017 09:12

It's not unreasonable for you not to want to give him lifts any more.
In his defence when I was 17 I didn't realise how much it cost to run a car apart from the insurance/tax aspect until I passed my test and was driving myself.

Either stop, tell him you can only help if his other lift isn't available or ask for a contribution.

It would be kind of you to wait until after payday if possible. I don't know how much the various buses would cost but a 17yr old might not have budgeted for them this month. Obviously you're under no obligation.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/06/2017 09:30

No YANBU he needs to be able to be independent and to get to work on his own. What would he do if you were not there!

cherryontopp · 26/06/2017 10:49

This would definitely annoy me too -he'll just be expecting it now!

If more the inconvenience rather than the money point of view, then I would say sorry I can only give you a life 2/3 days a week as im going another way on the otjer days or going to a family members.

That way your still helping him but still get time for some carpool karaoke Grin

NavyandWhite · 26/06/2017 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HipsterHunter · 26/06/2017 11:53

Yeah just say to him

"I'm not going to be able to give you a lift after this week, from next Monday you're going to need to sort your own journey to work"

Why did he apply to work there if he couldn't get there himself?

chipscheeseandgravy · 26/06/2017 12:01

I ended up giving a lift to someone for about 6 months. He was always late, and spent the entire journey talking about how he was hungover/coming down of whatever drugs he had shoved up his nose the night before.

I wished I had a back bone. Unfortunately I didn't and got stuck with giving him a lift till I went on maternity leave. He also didn't pay petrol money Angry

Just tell him you go elsewhere on the way home, gym, swimming etc and you can't drop him of. I would suggest he contributes to fuel. Either that or tell him you need to be in the office earlier/later than normal and it's difficult to pick him up. Alternatively tell him you can't do the lift. He took the job knowing there was a commute.