Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said no to my neighbour? Re looking after her son

81 replies

MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 06:15

We're not close or anything...my DD and her DS are both 9 and have played together a few times last year but not for about 10 months now.

There's a day off school here (we're in Oz) as it's teacher parent meetings and they do them all day...my appointment is at 5.

It's currently almost 3 and neighbour just knocked on door out of the blue and had her son in tow.

She said "Oh hello! Can you have X whilst I go for my parent teacher meeting?"

And I said "Oh...no, sorry...we've got our own soon..."

I now realise I COULD have had him...she'll only be about 45 minutes..but to be honest I didn't want to!

I'd have to tie our dog up as her son is afraid of dogs...and he then barks for ages...and DD and I were just having a nice bit of time together.

As she left the neigbbour said "Might see you at school then"

Obviously presuming my appointment was soon.

It's not for 2 hours though! WIBU?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 26/06/2017 08:42

I don't think she was necessarily U for not offering you and DD lifts in bad (hot or cold or rainy) weather: as a PP has said, it's a really socially tricky / awkward one.

waitforitfdear · 26/06/2017 08:43

You don't have to justify yourself op. It wasn't an emergency.

Our school in England closes to pupils for one day a year for parent/child/teacher review day. It's a mixed comp.

FromAtoBin21months · 26/06/2017 08:48

YADNBU it was last minute and as you've said previously she can take DS with her, so it's not like childcare is needed. From what I gather you don't know her that well either, so she could be the sort of person that takes the piss and won't be back for 2 or 3 hours meaning you have to take her as well as your own child to the meeting .

Sconesnotscones · 26/06/2017 08:53

I teach in Victoria, in a government school, and they close all day for PT interviews. They start at 2.00 and go on until 8.00., twice a year. Teachers get the morning off on the PT day to compensate for the evening.
That's better organisation than NSW - each school used to do their own set-up for interviews. It may have changed since I left teaching. Most schools were reasonable, but one school I remember had interviews after the teaching day for up to three hours, for four days. Some teachers would end up having to be there four afternoons until six, when the school was locked up. Some had to be there at 7am for one interview if that was the only time that the parents could manage. Every parent came for interviews, as it was a rather profile school. And yes it was a state school.

I was a specialist teacher, so it didn't affect me directly, but I was amazed that these people, some of whom were very, very assertive, just meekly accepted it. But the principal was such a vile person, I think that they decided to pick their battles.

echt · 26/06/2017 09:00

God, Scones, that sounds terrible. I'm surprised that the union agreement does not require TOIL for the meetings. Ours does, which is we get it; rest assured the schools would not be letting teaching staff have the morning off if they could do otherwise.:o

RB68 · 26/06/2017 09:03

I dont think you were unreasonable. Whlst your time didn't overlap there was no guarantee she would be back so you could have got stuck and as you say the kids can come too what is her issue. Perhaps if you were closer and the kids too it could have been arranged prior but she was unreasonable to turn up on your doorstep and expect you to do it

OohMavis · 26/06/2017 09:22

What a mountain you've made of a molehill. She asked, you said no, there were no hard feelings. It's fine!

Sconesnotscones · 26/06/2017 09:24

I'm surprised that the union agreement does not require TOIL for the meetings.
I was surprised that someone didn't get onto our union. Our local union area organiser was always coming out about various things, and the high point of some of our staff meetings used to be screaming matches between the organiser (who a couple of other teacher said was "unprofessional," but actually was my hero) and the ogre of a principal. However, our very active union rep had just left, and the new one was a bit overwhelmed, and the principal was due to retire, so I think everyone just decided to go with the flow for that year. It did change drastically with the new boss the next year.

Things might have changed across the system since then - I hope so.

TheMaddHugger · 26/06/2017 09:41

Sconesnotscones

Im also in Oz, We had a private school that shut down for the day

TheMaddHugger · 26/06/2017 09:43

whooops, I forgot to refresh before posting X post with a lot of people

Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 14:04

Update...spoke to DH about it and he surprised me by telling me he was glad I hadn't due to an experience he had a few weeks ago with her which made him a bit uncomfortable. He'd not told me as he thought it odd but not remarkable.

This neighbour had knocked one Saturday with her DS when I was out...they were going to the local stream and could DD go too? DH knew who she was of course and remembered her son from his visits here...and DD was keen so he said yes.

The woman brought DD back an hour later with some strange man in tow...this man stared at DH in an expressionless way...no smile..and no introductions were made...she had been on her way to the stream when she called for DD and only her son was with her...you have to pass our house going to the stream from hers.. so where had the man come from?

If he was her friend she'd bumped into or been planning to meet wouldn't she have said "This is my mate X..." but she said nothing...DH asked DD "Who was that man?" and DD said "I don't know...he was at the stream and she (neighbour) was talking to him and then he came with us when it was time to go"

He went along with neighbour and her son when they left DD at ours so she was obviously "with" him...that's a bit odd no?

Or am I looking for reasons to not like her? Would that bother you?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 14:05

I should have added that neighbour is single.

OP posts:
Funnyface1 · 26/06/2017 14:11

My dd going off with a woman I don't know much and a man I don't know at all? Yes that would bother me. Enormously. And I think you're getting a bad vibe as you're piecing all your experiences together so time to steer clear I think.

RedSkyAtNight · 26/06/2017 14:12

I think you're looking for reasons to dislike her now! So she bumped into a friend at the stream? And he walked back with her? And she didn't introduce him to your DH because, well she doesn't know him particularly well and she was only dropping your DD off ...?

AvoidingCallenetics · 26/06/2017 14:13

I think instincts exist for a reason and if this was my dd, I wouldn't be letting her go anywhere with the neighbour. It might not be anything but I like to know who my children are with and there is less harm that can arise from being overcautious than not cautious enough.

OlennasWimple · 26/06/2017 14:18

You don't live in Ramsey Street then, OP? They have no problem with popping into each other's houses and asking favours

Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 14:19

Red well she knows DH enough to call round for his DD! And to leave her son here in our care! That's well enough for intros I hope!

Callenetics that's it...something doesn't sit right. I'm just using this thread now as a way to piece it all together really.

If she calls again for anything...be it to leave her DS or ask for my DD...what shall I say?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 14:20

Wimple it's not like Ramsey St at all sadly! It's an old town with a lot of old people in it! Grin

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 26/06/2017 14:26

I don't have a clue who half my friends' parents are, never mind being introduced to their friends.

Round here DC play out alone from age 9 and hence they have got to know DC I don't know who come complete with parents I've never met, never mind their friends! I would think you might have had a bit of a point if the DC were 5 ...

RedSkyAtNight · 26/06/2017 14:26

... DC's friends' parents ... (although my original statement also applies)

AvoidingCallenetics · 26/06/2017 14:29

I think you have to just say that sorry, now is not a good time. Or that you are busy/ already have plans with dd. Her child sounds like he requires active looking after, rather than just peacefully playing with your dd and it's okay not to want to encourage situations where you end up having to look after him when you were happily at home with dd minding your own business.

Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 14:30

Red really? Would you not know if your child was in someone's house? They could be anywhere!? My DD does walk to the shop alone...but this is a main road. No children play out on the street.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 14:31

Calllenetics he does require more care than I'm used to giving to visiting kids of DD's age really that's it. I will remember that "Sorry, it's not a good time right now" as that's polite but non specific!

OP posts:
K1092902 · 26/06/2017 14:42

YANBU to say no but YABU to lie. She will more than likely find out and you have likely caused some minor hostility with your neighbours who could need in an emergency in the future.

Next time just say you can't do short notice and you don't want to have to tie your dog up in the back yard to cause a nuisance to others.

EvaTheOptimist · 26/06/2017 14:53

I don't think it was a lie. I don't know how it is in Oz but in the UK these appointments with teacher's can run very behind schedule. Its very feasible neighbour wouldn't have been back by 4.15 by which time OP would have been anxiously wondering where she was and if she was going to be able to leave the house at 4.30