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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said no to my neighbour? Re looking after her son

81 replies

MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 06:15

We're not close or anything...my DD and her DS are both 9 and have played together a few times last year but not for about 10 months now.

There's a day off school here (we're in Oz) as it's teacher parent meetings and they do them all day...my appointment is at 5.

It's currently almost 3 and neighbour just knocked on door out of the blue and had her son in tow.

She said "Oh hello! Can you have X whilst I go for my parent teacher meeting?"

And I said "Oh...no, sorry...we've got our own soon..."

I now realise I COULD have had him...she'll only be about 45 minutes..but to be honest I didn't want to!

I'd have to tie our dog up as her son is afraid of dogs...and he then barks for ages...and DD and I were just having a nice bit of time together.

As she left the neigbbour said "Might see you at school then"

Obviously presuming my appointment was soon.

It's not for 2 hours though! WIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 07:12

funny that's it...I don't know them very well. I was quite taken aback really. Prior to this, I'd not really judged her for not offering me a lift...we're not mates..why should we? But now I just think she's a bit cheeky isn't she?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 07:14

Florrie yes...and if her son had been asking if he could play with DD soon...well she needed to have asked "Can your DD come over?" or similar...or perhaps asked "DS is nagging me about visiting DD at yours...would it be possible any time?"

Which I genuinely wouldn't have minded...the dog issue is a bit annoying but I could have taken the DC to the park.

Also at 9 DD chooses her own mates really...she asks me if she can play with a child...and if children ask if they can have her over, I always check with her if she wants to. She's not fussed by this boy and he does have other friends.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 26/06/2017 07:22

I understand the lift thing. There was a thread on here recently from a woman who was in the same predicament, she was driving and her neighbour walking and she didn't know whether to offer lifts or not. The general consensus was not, because it made it awkward, if you do it once, it means you might be expected to always do it.

To be honest though, I'd have taken the kid for an hour. Maybe she always intended to take him and he had kicked off, who knows. Sometime you may need the favour back. What's done is done though and you wer perfectly within your rights to refuse to help her.

Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 07:25

Bunt the thing is, I would also perhaps feel awkward...but she obviously isn't that type... not if she's hardfaced enough to ask for babysitting out of the blue!

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/06/2017 07:26

The school shuts for parent teacher meetings! Our high school does too.

I would have OP,it's only a small favour.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/06/2017 07:27

Hardfaced? Confused she only asked you to watch him for 45 mins,not have him for a week!

AvoidingCallenetics · 26/06/2017 07:34

If you don't want to thrn you are under no obligation to provide childcare for someone you barely know.
People are cheeky sometimes - it's not as if her child and yours are friends or you have the kind of neighbourly relationship where you do each other favours.
Personally, I think it's rude to ask for childcare favours unless you are friends or it is an emergency.

echt · 26/06/2017 07:37

I teach in Victoria, in a government school, and they close all day for PT interviews. They start at 2.00 and go on until 8.00., twice a year. Teachers get the morning off on the PT day to compensate for the evening.

Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 07:46

Dame Yes...I call that hardfaced. She drives past me in the rain whilst I'm going in the same direction but then knocks out of the blue asking me for childcare.

That's hardfaced.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 26/06/2017 07:47

Callenetics so do I! I've never asked an aqaintance for help with my DC...friends only twice in dire emergencies. Once when I was taken to hospital from the GP and another when DD banged her head and I had to take her to casualty!

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 26/06/2017 07:55

I think it's a shame that you couldn't have looked after him. Fantastic that you do have people you can ask in a similar position but not everyone has that sort of support network and it was a one-off, hardly a big favour.

Plus I'm thinking that a last minute ask of someone she doesn't know that well probably means that her planned childcare has let her down. Folks on MN are always saying that they'd be happy to help out neighbours in similar circumstances. I think it's a shame that others think she's being cheeky, because this is exactly the sort of favour I think you should be able to ask a neighbour without being treated like a totally freeloader.

BendingSpoons · 26/06/2017 08:00

YANBU, she doesn't need emergency childcare as she can take DS with her. If she had knocked saying she needed to go to A&E that would be different. Presumably he didn't fancy going or she didn't want the hassle.

AvoidingCallenetics · 26/06/2017 08:02

You did the right thing. Too many women inconvenience themselves to do favours or take on responsibilities that aren't theirs, for people who don't reciprocate or take it for granted. You only need to spend half an hour on this site to see the level of pisstaking that some posters have been subjected to.
Fine to help someone out in a time of genuine need, or if it doesn't affect you one way or the other, bit where 8t involves someone else's child running through your house and having to tie up your own dog, why should you? And for someone who will drive past you in the rain.

Women are too focussed on being 'nice' and helpful and we end up getting totally used a lot of the time.

treaclesoda · 26/06/2017 08:04

This is not really relevant to the question the OP asked but I've never known a primary school that doesn't close for parent teacher interviews. Although secondary schools round here seem to do them in the evening.

RebeccatheOld · 26/06/2017 08:06

You have a dog, her DS doesn't like dogs. You would have to restrain the dog if her DS came over, which is unfair to the dog. So no, yanbu.

limitedperiodonly · 26/06/2017 08:07

Neighbours eh? Knocking on your door and asking for a favour? Where will it all end?

Xmasbaby11 · 26/06/2017 08:11

I'd have done it. It's a small favour and nothing wrong with tying a dog up for an hour or two if he has an otherwise happy free lifestyle. I know she's not been a good neighbour to you but for me personally I'd always prefer to be the kinder one.

MaroonPencil · 26/06/2017 08:20

I would have done it, and I don't think asking makes her hard faced in the slightest. She clearly wasn't relying on you for last minute childcare as that would imply she didn't have a back up plan. She just thought you might do her this favour. You didn't want to. That's your prerogative.

SafeToCross · 26/06/2017 08:23

I expect he kicked up a fuss about going at the last minute so she said she'd ask. And if he 'insists' on going outside, perhaps he needs a bit of help understanding that he can't always have what he wants.

echt · 26/06/2017 08:23

If the son the neighbour wanted minding was the subject of PT meeting, then the neighbour was being very unreasonable indeed as teachers want the child to be there.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/06/2017 08:28

I've never asked an aqaintance for help with my DC...friends only twice in dire emergencies

Well, let's hope you're never in a position where you have no choice and have to ask for favours. You sound very... superior .

echt · 26/06/2017 08:31

Well, let's hope you're never in a position where you have no choice and have to ask for favours. But the OP has asked for favours, just form friends.

Also the NDN does have a choice, to take the DS with her to the PT meeting.

Bluntness100 · 26/06/2017 08:32

I also don't think it's hard faced. And you don't know what circumstances drove her to asking. I'd agree with the other poster, for me, this is a minor favour and I'd chose to be the bigger person.

However as said, you're under no obligation and what's done is done. I doubt she will ask again, so I wouldn't worry. I'd also not ask her for a favour in future if an emergency arises.

I think the fact she hasn't driven you to or from school has pissed uou off much more than you are admitting either to yourself or on here. It is what it is. I'd forget about it now and move on.

PovertyPain · 26/06/2017 08:32

I wouldn't tie my poor dog up for an hour to look after a child that could easily go with his parent. It's different if it was an emergency, but not for that. Why should you and your neighbors have to listen to the poor dog barking, when he could be pottering around in his own home. To heck with that. Don't like dogs, don't bother visiting.

PovertyPain · 26/06/2017 08:36

Why are so many people describing it as an emergency? The OP has already stated that the children can go to school with their parents. As SafeToCross has stated, he probably didn't want to go and the mum just thought she'd ask. It's not a big deal.