Who is unreasonable - me or DP?

[Winetime0909]

I'm sorry if this is long or rambly I am tired and stressed and to be honest pretty fed up.
Me and DP live together in a flat which is currently rather messy. We are both rather untidy people, and are also quite busy and we don't prioritise the cleaning and tidying (which we are working on!!). Today I was at work for 11 hours while DP was off. Just for context I work around 30-40 hours a week while partner works 16-24. He decided to smoke weed around 11am ish (this is a big problem which we are working on but is a major issue in our relationship to be honest) and ended up doing nothing all day. I didn't expect him to make the flat spotless but he said yesterday he would do dishes as we have literally ran out of plates and just do a little tidy up which obviously didn't get done. He was meant to also be at work tonight for a few hours but couldn't go as he apparently forgot about it before he got high and only remembered when I reminded him.
I couldn't find my purse when I was on my way to work this morning (100% aware this is my fault but I just needed him to check for me) and asked partner to check in the flat, a few specific places where I thought it might have been specified, he said he looked and it wasn't anywhere, cue me worrying all day, was going to cancel bank cards, driving test (need my provisional) and was having a bit of a stress!
I arrived home at 7.30 to find my purse literally right on the sofa where I had asked him to look, all the cupboards and fridge empty of any food I had bought for us and the place in even more of a state then when I left. I said that I couldn't deal with this and went to bed, he then messages me saying he doesn't know what he's done wrong and why am I being so angry?
I will also add that I am rather hormonal at the moment, my job is stressful and I am sleep deprived meaning I may be overreacting?
Partner is absolutely amazing in every other way and I really don't want to lose him. I just wish he would 1- accept help for his addiction 2- listen to me more and try to understand me as its pissing me off that he doesn't realise what is wrong. So AIBU or is he?

Lazy and a dope head. Yes sounds absolutely amazing.

Oh god, I couldn't live with someone like that. Honestly, what's the bloody point?

He's a stoner - a lazy, selfish, stoner who works part-time and is too stoned to go to work.

YABU if you stay with him.

Your partner is a bone idle dipshit who needs to up his game if he has any hope of sustaining a meaningful relationship. You've worked 11 hours, he's been off and the house is a worse state than you left it in? I'd struggle to get over that. It shows such a lack of consideration.

He's a lazy druggie. Why exactly don't you want to lose him?

Not overreacting at all.
I couldn't stand to be in a relationship with someone like this, seriously, as an adult how the fuck do you forget you've got to go to work?

He needs to grow the hell up.

He doesn't sound great at all. He sounds like a dick. Please do not procreate with someone who gets stoned and forgets to go to fucking work. You will end up homeless with children in tow whilst he smokes his cares away.

I think the two of you need a very serious talk, you can't go on like that. He needs to sort his pot habit and pull his finger out.

You both sound about 12. Why didn't you look on the sofa for your purse first?

How is he amazing? From what you have said so far he is a complete waste of skin!

So you work FT. He works PT. No kids. And you both can't keep on top of a one bed flat to the extent that you have no clean plates. Sounds like him and his weed are dragging you both down.

I can't even understand why this is a question. Why do you think you could possibly be the unreasonable one here?

For what it's worth, living together means thinking about each other as well as yourself. Your partner has demonstrated that he is incapable of doing that. What's reasonable about his behaviour?

There's a few problems here. Your partner is a lazy stoner who acts like a child. You are very messy and unorganized which causes a HUGE amount of stress and anxiety in your own head that you may not even realize. And lastly, the two of you can't communicate. This sounds like a train wreck.

He isn't amazing. He's a lazy dope head. You can't change that. Only he can. Until that time he needs to move out.

A job shy lazy pot head. He sounds a catch!

You can do better OP.

I'm another one who can't see where the "amazing" is here... He sounds like a lazy, entitled baby tbh. It's probably not his fault per se as anyone I know who smokes a fair amount of weed ends up like this. Don't enable his bullshit basically, or you will end up being his mother.

He forgot to go to work because he's a lazy druggie. I mean, come on. It all sounds very depressing. Shit tip flat, stoned boyfriend. You can do better.

MOOOOOVE ONNNNNNNN

this will NOT change.

"Partner is absolutely amazing in every other way"

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The laziness and drug taking would cancel out any endearing qualities he may have as far as I am concerned.

Time to get rid.

I've known potheads and unfortunately once they prioritise weed over everything else the battle is lost. A perfectly normal person becomes selfish, lazy, paranoid and insular. Once he's in that fog, he won't see anything else.

You lost me at smoking weed at 11am.

OP can't you see that the drug will always take priority over you or anything else in his life?

I can only presume you have no experience of alcoholism/drug use

He is a drug addict, he doesn't help around the house, he forgets to go to work, only works part time anyway but he's amazing in every other way!! If you think this relationship is fine then why are posting on here about it. This is your life forever unless you kick him and tell him he can return when he's sorted

Partner is absolutely amazing in every other way

Funny how every feckless twat "D"P on this site is amazing.

Even the abusive ones are "great fathers" or "amazing in every other way."

Get rid.

Sorry but I'm not seeing the amazing bit.