Negging

[6079SmithW]

There's lots of talk about negging, but I'm not sure I really understand what it is or can spot when it's happening to me as opposed to someone just making a joke. (I'd like to think that I can laugh at myself as much as the next person, but I also know I can be over sensitive at times).
What counts as negging? How do I spot it? AIBU to not really understand?

Ripped you have all the luck I'm certainly trying to rid myself of anyone behaving like this - it's the slow, subtle drain of self esteem/confidence that is most damaging

Jeff I think Speeding had it right earlier when she said it was about how someone makes you feel when they say it. I'm sure you haven't made anyone feel bad

Incidentally this is obviously not a new thing - The Spinners on the radio earlier (Working my Way Back to You)
"I used to love to make you cry
It made me feel like a man inside" - WTAF?

You can attract jellyfishes when you climb up the food chain a bit. Even just a little bit. When I landed in my last town I was a single parent, without the proverbial pot. DC's Dad had been abusive so I left with a debt and a rucksack. Years I had a job, I had a place.. I seemed to be having some fun dating, and then I started receiving jellyfish comments from a woman who'd been kindness personified when I was clearly for all others to see ''in the gutter''. That woman was more a friend of a friend, I never warmed to her. But she couldn't pass me by without stinging. She referred to me in front of new acquaintances as a battered woman. Indirectly. She was talking about something she was involved in, fundraising darling, and she turned to me and said ''you know, having been a battered woman yourself what the issues are, how difficult it is for these women''. I just said ''I do, I understand'''. But my cheeks were burning at the nerve of her announcing a chapter from years ago like that. Once I succumbed to her level and said that ''that label is flattering for bigger women'' but then her vendetta against me was in fifth gear for about three years. Now I am super nice and obsequious and sycophantic to her when I see her but I never seek her out obviously.

This thread has been quite educational! I have a colleague who will make comments that make me feel a bit uncomfortable (I am sensitive, though, so I always brush it off as me being daft).

This week:

"Oh your hair looks really nice straight. You should wear it like that more often." (I instantly took from that that she doesn't like my natural curls).

"You look nice in that dress. It's a party dress though!" (at the office - made me think that it was too short/fancy and I have already vowed never to wear it again).

I always seem to find an "excuse" to give her - "Thanks, it takes hours to straighten my hair so I don't do it often" or "Oh, I know - I'm at the stage now where I just have to wear whatever fits (I'm 7 months pregnant, and FYI, the dress was essentially just a long stretchy thick cotton T shirt in maroon, no pattern or glittery shit).

It makes me feel a bit better to know there's a name for what she does, weirdly.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I'm a jellyfish magnet. I suffer with very low self-esteem and I seem to get comments like this from certain women (although I did have a couple of Xs who did the same)

It's vile behaviour and they hate it when you call them out on it. I can't imagine wasting headspace on dreaming up slyly nasty comments.