To want another baby if we can't move house

[sofreakingtired]

DH and I live in a fairly small 2 bed house. We have a garden but can't extend in to it as ex HA property and they won't allow it (there's a fairly restrictive contract that we had to sign when we bought it from them). We can't move house due to DH being self employed and some other issues.

We currently have an 11mo DD, and we have my DH's son (aged 8) every other weekend - we can't have him more as he lives quite a distance away. The kids have to share the 2nd bedroom which is fine for now as DSS is only here 2 nights in 14.

However, I'm now 37 and time is getting on if we want another DC, which we do. We had a hard time conceiving DD so don't want to leave it too long if we do try again.

So, would we be U to go for it and hope that we could move in a couple of years? Is 3 kids in one room just too much, especially given the age gap between DSS and the little one(s) if we can't move? He'll have to share with DD when he's here anyway as there's no other option, so could we do bunk beds and a cot?? There's no way of fitting a cot in our room either so that's not an option, bedrooms are quite small!

Honestly it doesn't sound like the best set up to plan for another baby.

What would change in the next three years that would allow you to move then?

What would change that would allow you to move in a couple of years?

Yes three children in a small room isn't going to be great. Sure it's doable, but what about when they get older and you can't move?

Also could you give your bedroom up and make the living room your bedroom with a sofa bed or something?

Well... at 37... I'd start trying! Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Don't regret not having a baby because you need to move. Housing is temporary, the grief of not finishing your family is forever.

Apart from the self employed issue is the other issued you mentioned debt? If so it may not be an idea to add another DC into the mix until you've got that sorted.
Having said that You can't plan these things to far though as you'd never have another baby if you thought about it too long! Could the 8 year old not camp in the living room for the days they stay over? Might be fun for them but means you'd only have 2 DC in 1 room then.

I disagree. I think you need to cut your coat to fit your cloth, and if you don't currently have room for another child, and can't move or extend, then you don't have a choice, unless there's a strong possibility something will change in the very near future.

We have given up our bedroom to accommodate the kids. After we had our 3rd we didn't want to cram all 3 in one room so we did our room up for our eldest and then the younger two share.

Could you do something like that?

Of course YANBU to want another but honestly I wouldn't try for another in these circumstances. Sorry.

I think turfing the 8 yr old out of his room and onto a sofa would be incredibly hurtful.

If you are sure that things will change or you're willing to make the living room your bedroom, then go for it, if you both really want another, as time is moving on. It will be cramped though for a period

I think my grandma would be amazed that you were even concerned about it, especially as your husband's DS is only there for a couple of days a fortnight. There were 12 of them in a 3 tiny bedroom house! The best solution might be to get a decent sofa-bed and give up your bedroom when your DH's son is there so he gets a room. You could keep his things in a special cupboard or something so he feels he has his own 'space' to keep his things and buy a duvet cover etc that he would like.

'Hope' sound a bit vague and weak. How about 'plan'? Can you do that instead? Then there's something for you to action. Hope sounds like the universe has to provide, which is way too flimsy. What would the plan be to get you into a position where you could move? Am guessing your own income isn't going to be a deciding factor if you have two little ones close together (unless you're the breadwinner and go back to work), so how will the financial set up improve? Can your partner bring more money in somehow so you can afford to move? And if moving proves impossible, could you two potentially sleep on a sofa bed?

do you have a loft, could you make some kind of space up there for your DSS

In your position I would get a sofa bed for the living room, perhaps an extra day bed for your bedroom if it's big enough (so he's not sleeping in your bed) and give up your bedroom for dss when he comes. I'd do this whether or not you have another baby, actually.

Agree, could you make the lounge your bedroom?

I'm of the opinion that if you and DP are happy for baby number 2, you'd be best off just cracking on with it as you're 37 now.

Who knows it might be really quick and you end up with two under 2!

If DSS lived there permanently it would certainly be too tight for day to day living.

But if you can arrange so that he has his own personal space/bed/furniture that would be nice.

We are TTC number 2 (& have been for ages), I'm 38 so there's no time to lose. We live in a 2 bed property, no prospect of getting a 3 bed any time soon, but we're happy with the room sharing set up that will ensue.

But obviously in your situation things are more tight.

My (younger) sister was horrified when she knew we were TTC despite living in a 2 bed. (My MMC kind of gave things away last year)

But she's the sort of person who thinks children are living in poverty if they don't have their own generously sized bedroom from early infancy onwards

If the house is the only problem, and your finances would allow you to provide everything else the second child would need, then I'd say, go for it.

People make do with much less space, your stepson is only there for a limited time, and will be an adult when the baby reaches puberty, so you will only really have to deal with a situation of two children in one room.

If you really, really want another child, go for it.

Good luck OP, go for it !the 8 year old stepson will very soon be grown up and might not want to come as often , you could go up into the loft and put a window in the roof if you need to surely?

That's a really good idea, hadn't thought about moving to the living room when DSS is here - that would work! He does have some of his own space in that the landing was huge, with a big cupboard there. We took the cupboard out and converted it to a play space for him so that he didn't lose out totally when he started having to share his bedroom. Unfortunately there just wasn't enough room to make it into a sort of sleeping den type thing that he could've used, freeing up the other bedroom. It's a foot too small in any direction to fit a bed, but makes a great escape for him.

The main issue really regarding moving is to do with DH's self-employment and credit record. He has some old paid off debts that are still showing there, but should be off his credit report in a couple of years, making it a lot easier for us to get a mortgage together (our house was my house originally and still solely in my name). i'm almost certain we would be able to move in say two or three years, I just think that if we leave it for two or three years to start trying again then our chances of success are a lot slimmer.

I just want to add a voice that giving up your bedroom and making yours in the lounge absolutely can work. We did so for a year before we were able to move, so that DD could have a bedroom (one bed flat). We slept perfectly well on the sofa bed, and it was actually nice to keep it out for the odd lazy day, or to snuggle on for a film. Good luck whatever you decide!

I would go for it then work around it if it happens. Although it could always be twins...

Definitely be good to move. Even to a 3 bed. Your two in the biggest room eventually if you have another, box room for stepson so he knows he's always welcome. But that's a contentious issue as other Mnetters will disagree with me.

For the time being, perhaps ask your dss if he would like to camp in a pop up tent in the living room or continue to share with dd. He is considerably older. My dd loves sleeping in her tent on and off, we use a cushion for sunloungers as a mattress.

You would have plenty of time to move anyway as a baby takes time to make, grow and could always be in your bedroom for a year.

If you can't move, you will have to do what it takes to make this work and your dss to still feel welcome. I think it's unfair for a boy, who will be 10 by the time a baby is born and 11 by the time they go into the room to share. Think puberty, embarrassment.

Could you rent your house out and you rent a slightly bigger house. I have a couple of friends who do this and it works well or is that against the contract. This may have already been suggested but I haven't read all the replies.

Just do it. We have two in a two bed, although no step child visiting. Baby would be in with you for a year, or two possibly, which could be in three years given the pregnancy and time to conceive. Ours are still sharing years later, we can afford to extend or move now but they prefer sharing. You can buy bunk beds with a trundle bed and proper mattress when they are older. Or I'd have my five year old sharing with us if needed for a guest to stay.

I see you're happy to move out of the bedroom for him. That's fab.

Silverdream. This idea was good until the government recently changed the tax rules. Op would probably be lumbered with a tax bill for rent.