AIBU?
To have found this conversation at wedding a bit daft
user1485342611 · 25/06/2017 11:50
My friend's daughter got married yesterday. She's 31 and hasn't lived at home for a number of years.
My mother, who was also at the wedding said to my friend "well, that's one of them off your hands"
and my friend replied something like "yes, I'm delighted she's found someone who'll look after her".
The daughter is a highly intelligent, outgoing, capable lawyer.
Her mum also has a really impressive, very responsible job and has certainly never needed 'looking after' by her husband.
AIBU to think this conversation harked back to the 1950s?
Not a big deal or serious issue I realise. Just curious what others think?
treaclesoda · 25/06/2017 11:54
I would have assumed she meant 'looking after' in the emotional sense. As in someone to be a support and a friend in life. Just as she would 'looking after' her
husband in that way. It would never occur to me that they meant 'looking after' in the sense of providing money or being the head of the house or some similarly archaic view.
user1485342611 · 25/06/2017 11:58
Thanks for replies.
I think the reason I found it a bit awkward was because my friend's sister, who has never married, was standing beside her. I just wondered how it made her feel. She's got an interesting job and lives alone in her own property.
Anyhow, probably way over thinking it. I don't normally analyse dull small talk but this just caught my attention for some reason.
quizqueen · 25/06/2017 12:15
So why did your mother say that the friend's daughter was off her hands now when she hadn't lived at home for ages? That comment was just as old fashioned in today's climate. It's your own mother that you should be asking what her views are concerning the wife role in a marriage, surely. The mother of the bride was just giving a polite reply indicating that she approved of the match.
sadsquid · 25/06/2017 12:23
People reiterate naff cliches that don't reflect reality. It's not something I would say in a million years, and I'd be pissed off it I heard it at my own wedding! But lots of people don't give this stuff much thought. It's a wedding, they do the same wedding small talk their families probably trotted out at their weddings. It's a load of rubbish but I wouldn't take it to indicate anything more than the vaguest, most lightly-held actual opinions.
user1485342611 · 25/06/2017 12:37
Sorry, there seems to be a bit of confusion. I found both my mother and my friend's remarks equally 1950ish.
I know they were just a cliche but I was imagining how I would have felt if I was my friend's sister standing there listening to a conversation that effectively seemed to be implying she was still not 'off her parents' hands' and leading a lonely life with no one to look after her.
Anyhow, I realise it was just thoughtless small talk. It just got me thinking on this occasion. My friend's sister may not have even registered the conversation, as she's probably used to hearing cliched stuff like that at weddings.
Notknownatthisaddress · 25/06/2017 12:38
This idea that girls/women are a burden to be transferred upon marriage is archaic and demeaning.
This ^
The whole conversation was a bit daft and outdated. But it was probably like that when they were younger. Seems odd to say it though when the lass has been gone for years anyway!
Most young women I know refuse to have the dad 'giving them away,' as they're not a possession, and they will NOT say 'obey' to their husband in the wedding vows. I didn't, and that was the mid 1990's. Fuck that. I don't obey anyone.
Birdsgottaf1y · 25/06/2017 12:39
I use the term settled, when talking about my adult DDs.
There has been times when they have been single and they rely on me more than they do when they are in a couple. So do the Mother and Father of my DDs DP's.
I agree that i would find your Mother's comment strange.
LilaBard · 25/06/2017 12:43
I dont think yabu at all. I know a woman who is about to hit 40. Like your friend she is intelligent, extremely successful, funny, great fun to be around, and very beautiful as well. She has also never found the right guy, and this is what her mum fixates on. Every time I see her mum and talk gets round to her, it's like a pity party. Like her mum thinks shes done nothing with her life simply because shes single. Makes me want to scream! I don't know them well enough to say anything though so I don't knowing it bothers her. It certainly bothers me.
1ofthesedays · 25/06/2017 12:49
meh
every (normal) parent hope their kids find the right person to share a life and grow old with. Yes it's a cliche, but still true. It doesn't mean they can't be independent and successful in their own right.
It would sound worst about a man finding someone to "look after him" if you are really reading too much into it.
Really not worth batting an eyelid.
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