To have found this conversation at wedding a bit daft

[user1485342611]

My friend's daughter got married yesterday. She's 31 and hasn't lived at home for a number of years.
My mother, who was also at the wedding said to my friend "well, that's one of them off your hands"
and my friend replied something like "yes, I'm delighted she's found someone who'll look after her".

The daughter is a highly intelligent, outgoing, capable lawyer.
Her mum also has a really impressive, very responsible job and has certainly never needed 'looking after' by her husband.


AIBU to think this conversation harked back to the 1950s?

Not a big deal or serious issue I realise. Just curious what others think?

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Don't "mind read" OP. It will only cause you unnecessary annoyance.

[user1485342611]

I hope my kids will be happy and decent people. If that means marriage and kids, fine. If it means a single life and leaving their mark in a different way, equally fine.

[indigox]

A family member said something like this to me at my wedding (8 years ago), followed by "We won't be taking you back". Still WTF when I think about it to this day, didn't even consider running back to them crying when I did get divorced.

[Unadon]

You're overanalysing things, IMO. A good deal of conversations comprise of random small talk used to fill the space whenever people start feeling that the surrounding silence is becoming too awkward. There's often no meaning to it nor any thought being put behind what is said.

[FlyingElbows]

You can be highly intelligent, capable, outgoing, a lawyer, an independent woman sitting on a mountain of your own gold and still be a human being with basic needs. Marriage is, or should be, about considerably more than an achievement pissing contest. There's nothing at all wrong with needing and being needed, supporting and being supportive, helping and being helped, caring and being cared for. All this channelling your inner Beyoncé does sometimes leave people in danger of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

[Notknownatthisaddress]

What pisses me off is how MEN in their 30's (and 40's,) who are still single, are celebrated as 'eligible bachelors,' but women who are still single in their 30's (and 40's,) are pitied.


It's like women who manage to 'get a man to marry them' are cheered on..... 'YAY you did it!!!' But men are subjected to cries of 'oooh, yer under the thumb now matey, ball and chain, trouble and strife!'

Fucks me right off!

[ppeatfruit]

Yes you're over thinking this, some parents are a bit odd at weddings. DD2's MIL to be said to her the night before her wedding. "You're taking my baby boy mwah" FGS the man was 32!!!! He 's not a spoiled man- child either.

[mummytime]

The "off the hands" thing sounds like a meaningless cliche- but is very dated.

The "someone to look after her" is a bit different. I remember when I lived alone and got flu - and realised that I could die and no-one might know for days. It is nice to have someone to look after me, and someone I look after - people weren't really made to live alone. But yes it was thoughtless next to the single sister.

[RebelRogue]

When me and OH announced at a social gathering that I was pregnant one of his friends asked if "He'll make an honest woman " out if me now. People are dicks.

[MagentaRocks]

I think you are over thinking. My dh looks after me and I look after him. I imagine it is in the context of marrying someone decent that is good to her rather than looking after.

[RhubardGin]

You're reading far too much into this.

Marriage is about caring and looking after one another so I don't see what's wrong with the statement.

Stop looking for something to be offended about.

[CrownOfPrawns]

"When me and OH announced at a social gathering that I was pregnant one of his friends asked if "He'll make an honest woman " out if me now. People are dicks."

Yes, people like you are dicks. It was a humorous comment.

From the OED:
to make (a woman) an honest woman, to make an honest woman of (a woman):
to marry (a woman) with whom one has had sexual relations, or who is otherwise not considered to be respectable in terms of accepted standards of sexual morality; (later humorously without connotations of restoring respectability) to marry (a woman). Later occasionally also used of a man.

[RebelRogue]

@CrownOfPrawns it was not humorous in any way,but you however are hilarious.