To struggle with being a mother

[Checkingusername]

Name changed, people are on here and know my situation personally.

3 months in & omg it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

When he cries, when he fights going to sleep, when I have to go in and out, when I have to stop doing what I'm doing to put his dummy back in.......I feel like my insides suddenly twist in actual pain when I hear him cry.

Single mother doing it without the help of his DF.

Help from DM only have no other family.

I hate going to sleep solely because I know I have to get up and do it all again, I know people say it gets easier but right now I just want to pack a bag, get in my car and disappear!

I get told constantly I have to just get on with it, this is the life I have and basically tough luck....I say the same thing to myself all the time but it doesn't make it easier to deal with on my own.

I'm drowning & I can't ask for help because il be branded post natally depressed, a mother who clearly cannot cope and should have her DS taken off of her.

Why is it socially acceptable to leave the family and only see the DC every other weekend but if I rang SS and said "I'd like someone else to care for my DS and I visit him every other weekend" I'd have him removed from my care and adopted 😣

I'd be classed as mentally unstable & would deserve to have my DS removed! Why is it soooooo unfair??

Yes I had sex, okay, I fell pregnant but I didn't plan for anything that happened after to actually happen! He left, not me, I planned my entire life with him 😔

Sorry! Just need a rant, I'm so bloody deflated, stressed and exhausted with the sole responsibility on my shoulders.

Hang on in there! you are going through the worst now, the 1st 6 months can be really awfull especially when you are on your own and sleep deprived. you are still getting to know each other but soon your little boy will be looking at you like you are his whole world and his smile will just melt your heart, be kind to yourself! ask for help from anywhere you can get it, tell your mother exactly how you feel, one of my daughters was in your position and she really struggled with the 1st six months, you sound like a lovely caring mum and although it's hard to imagine now..it really will get better as the months go on.

I do hope so!

I am honestly banking on the fact it will get easier eventually, I am trying to stay positive & calm long enough for it to get easier.

When I have time away from him, I actually enjoy being on my own that much that I think "I could just leave him with my mum, she'd happily have him permanently"......is that normal to think like that??

I love him with every mm of my heart, he's my baby boy but my god he seems to be able to push my buttons, I have to regularly remind myself he's 3 months old, he doesn't know what he's doing.

In response to an earlier question, his DF has a new DP, for fear of messing up that relationship, he has decided on absolutely no contact with our DS (he's not even met him). I have however, claimed CM. he can choose freely to have absolutely nothing to do with the child he created, he won't however, get away without paying a penny.

When I have time away from him, I actually enjoy being on my own that much that I think "I could just leave him with my mum, she'd happily have him permanently"......is that normal to think like that??

Yep, well it was normal for me, as a fleeting thought.

Oh op if I could I'd hug you right now.
Yanbu... it's the hardest thing you will ever do. You possibly could be depressed although much of what you described is normal feelings.
You've gone from having to worry about no one but yourself to having to put yourself last in every aspect of your life constantly. No one sails through this parenthood shit. Anyone who says they do is completely full of shit!
I do think you should speak to your gp... or get help from a local MH charity. You won't be branded and have your son taken away, you will be helped and supported

Hey guys,

So I had a much better day today.

Mum helped out until this afternoon.

When she left, I had a lot to do but thought fuck it, it can wait....I'm not going to stress myself out by trying to get it all done.

Sat talking to him for a hell of a long time, longer than I've done before, neither of us were stressed.

He had a few whinges as babies do! But nothing dramatic.

Fed at 6
Bathed at 6:30
Bed & asleep at 6:45

Obviously a few times I had to go back in to re swaddle him or put his dummy back in but he settled until 10pm (cleaned my kitchen & tidied up & sat down for 3 hours without a peep!!), he then had 4oz & went back down next without kicking up a fuss!!

Have to say, this is our best day yet!

Fingers crossed this is the start of his routine that he'll stick to give or take.

Of course I don't expect miracles, as humans we break routines all the time but hopefully he'll have some continuity.

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to let you all know I've had a positive day with only one meltdown this morning as I was tired.

Well done Checking

Honestly once they get into a routine it does get a lot easier, don't stress about house work and get yourself out and about

It does help, honest!

You sound fabulous and glad your day was better. Sounds like your routine is better than mine and I have a 17 month old!

Had the most horrendous day today & ive given up.

I'm done, I can't do this anymore....I am sick of crying about struggling. I'm calling social services tomorrow

Don't call social services (though they certainly won't swoop in and take him away). Call your GP and request an emergency appointment and tell them you're worried about postnatal depression. Do this questionnaire if you like and tell them the score:
psychology-tools.com/epds/

It's okay to ask for help, nobody thinks you're a bad mother for considering it. The fear of asking for help/feeling that you're not "enough" to be his mother is all part of the PND.

I PROMISE YOU, THIS WILL GET BETTER.

Hand hold. Is DS asleep?

Hang in there OP. It won't be like this forever. I really feel for you. Its so tough.

Talk to your mam or a friend tomorrow and be honest how you feel. I'd be surprised if they didnt understand. Then make an appt with your GP for a chat.

Get some sleep now while you can xx

OP are there any groups nearby? Breastfeeding groups? Baby massage? Anything like that? Meeting other mums can be an absolute life saver, something to break up the week and help you realize you're not alone. I've made some of my best friends at these groups, they're a fantastic support network.

Oh Checking please talk to your GP. It does get easier, but right now you just need help getting on that journey. They wont judge you, because what you're feeling is much more common than you think. They'll know how to help and you'll find that you start to have more of the good days than the bad ones and you'll get into more of a groove with your little boy.

3 months in is exhausting, physically and emotionally. I have never been so beaten as I was about that point with my first. I thought I was the only one struggling. It is such a familiar story.

Be kind to yourself. And talk to your GP to see what suggestions they have - you don't have to act on them immediately, sometimes just knowing what your options are can lighten the load.

Please talk to your Gp and health visitor!

You're not alone in feeling like this - it does get loads better.

Remember you've had a good day and there will be loads more good days.

Do you get out with him? Is there baby coffee mornings, playgroups, childrens centres by you? I felt loads better when I got out everyday, and met other Mums who felt exactly the same. There's normally something on everyday that you can go to. Although I prefer playgroups because you get tea.

Honestly?? I'm happy when my mum has him.

I'm happy because I can sleep undisturbed

I can make my dinner and eat it undisturbed

I have a shower undisturbed

I can get ready undisturbed

When I'm not with him, I'm me again.....I'm happy.

Right now I just want to throw myself off a bridge.

I don't like going out because of how much effort it is just to make it out the door.

He had a dietician app today, I was over the moon when they rang to cancel, it meant I didn't have to go out.

I haven't washed my hair in days

I haven't even had a shower today.

It's just getting harder

Love don't call SS, call your GP & make an appointment or talk to you HV-they have seen & heard just about everything, let them give you the help you need-it's what they are good at.
You're doing the hardest job in the world, don't ever forget that. I think the first months are by far the hardest, it will get easier & more rewarding-I promise, you've just got to get accustomed to taking the rough with the smooth.

This sounds awful. A few little things - I used to put my baby on her changing mat on the bathroom floor while I showered. Nice warm room and she'd have a good kick. Tended to get a decent shower in. And I made myself go out for a walk EVERY day. No matter how I felt. The crying seemed quieter outside and eventually she would doze off. Kept her in pram outside sleeping not to wake her and had cuppa. Don't know if these tips help at all? For what it's worth I'm still struggling with motherhood. Could you go back to work even part time for a break? I really hope you find the help and balance you need. It's not easy and you are not alone. But it also does get better
Hang on in there. Loads of good advice on here.

You are depressed, OP. You need to speak to your doctor. I've been there.

I found 3 months so so tough and that was with a supportive DH. Sleep deprivation is an absolute killer, and you've had it building for months.

The way you feel when your DM has your LO is how I felt when DH had DD. No one will be interested in taking your child from you, they'll offer homestart support, pnd support if appropriate and helpful.

Can you move in with your mum for a bit? Honestly I get how bad it is now, I felt the same - total and utter exhaustion. My mind & body took a good six months to recover, and I needed anti depressants, triple dose iron & vitamin d, and my mum had to take her overnight once a week just to regain some sense of stability and sanity. I swear it passes, but you HAVE to ask for help - GP, health visitor, mum, friends, babysitter if you can. A few afternoons of naps helps, you are at break point and need to ask for help. It gets SO much better once you've caught up physically and mentally

This is way more common than you think it is but it's something which isn't often spoken about so I applaud you for speaking out and getting your honest feelings and emotions out there.

I appreciate how hard it is for you being a SP because parenthood is hard anyway single or not.
I sometimes feel the same about my DC now but that's down to them fighting all the time and having tantrums different reasons.

Please don't take this personally but can I ask if you had a difficult pregnancy or labour? Because I know sometimes that can have an impact on being able to bond emotionally with your new baby...

Try and keep you're chin up OP it always gets better

Checking, how are you doing today? Have you talked to anyone yet?

I felt exactly the same to start with and I was basically doing everything on my own. I remember crying to family members saying I don't want the baby anymore & i'd had enough. Honestly it does get better with every month that goes by. Take each day at a time.
Getting into a routine helped a hell of a lot - before then I was struggling to even have a shower every day and try to get out of the house with DC even if it's just for half an hour. I walked & walked the streets with the pram but it helped not staring at the same 4 walls. Finally when my DS was 4 months old I paid to have him in Nursery 1 short day a week so I had some break to look forward to.
Definitely ask get help - sometimes people aren't that perceptive & can't see you're struggling. I rang the HV & told them I couldn't cope (at my worst time) and she came round & just sat with me & helped settle him. Just that someone to come & sit with a cuppa helped.
It does feel like the end of the world (from my experience) but it's not. It gets better & better & you'll have such a close bond in the end. My DS & I are best mates now 😊

It is sooooo hard. Not for everyone but for a lot of us. My children are big now but when I think back over the early days (first 6 months mostly) I shudder and wouldn't wish that on anyone! At the same time my two angels are the best things in my world so obviously it does get easier. It's just so relentless. No good advice op but you are not alone. I envied mothers who went straight back to work (I didnt) Because they got a "break" from it all.