Nuts

[user1498218397]

I feel like I'm going crazy about this so I could really do with some advice.

I am getting married next year to my long-term partner and my best friend from childhood was always going to be maid of honour. She has now said that she will not come to the wedding as her husband is allergic to nuts and unless there are absolutely no nuts served in any of the meal or the cake, then she will not come. She has also said she won't come without him when given the option.

I might add that she did not ask if this was the case, more assumed that we would change the entire wedding breakfast and cake for him without asking.

[marciagetscreamed]

Dawned I just did a LOL

[LambChopsMcGee]

I'm unclear -- do you know it's not an allergy or are you assuming it's just a phobia cos of the exposure therapy?

I ask because I have heard of a sort of treatment for nut allergy that involves giving minuscule and carefully controlled amounts of nuts in a clinical setting, increasing to try and build tolerance.

Either way it is a bit demanding of your friend -- you would think she could come on her own, or at least ask nicely and acknowledge it's a big ask for you to plan around her husband's needs.

[OhtoblazeswithElvira]

I ask because I have heard of a sort of treatment for nut allergy that involves giving minuscule and carefully controlled amounts of nuts in a clinical setting, increasing to try and build tolerance.

Yes, this is being done in America with nuts other than peanuts, with good results apparently. I think they had to abandon the peanuts trials because somebody died. Confusingly enough I believe it is also called exposure therapy

[JangleJangleJangle]

I hope my daughters future partners dom't just sod off to enjoy themselves without her because her allergy is an inconvenience to him or her.

Heaetbreaking to hear people say just leave him at home.

One day that will be my daughter who is just left out of everything

[ScruffbagsRUs]

Exposure Therapy does work in some cases, as the allergy sufferer in exposed to minute traces of the allergen, in a strictly controlled environment. The amount of allergen is very slowly increased to try and desensitise the allergy sufferer to the allergen. Obviously the medical staff are there just in case.

I came across a study of a young lad going through this and he was severely allergic to nuts (he could go into anaphylaxis just by being breathed on by someone who had eaten a Snickers bar 4hrs before). By the time he left the therapy, he could eat 12 peanuts.

[JangleJangleJangle]

Lol scruff. Love to see the data to back that claim up.

Some people have food challenges if skin prick tests show they may not be allergic anymore.

According to my daughters consultant at the allergy clinic we are at least 10 years away from curing people with nut allergies.

And the cure will will most definitely not ve feeding them peanuts.

Chinese whispers are dangerous things

[blueskyinmarch]

They sound a bit nuts to me!

[JangleJangleJangle]

Info regarding food challenges. It is not a cure;

www.anaphylaxis.org.uk/knowledgebase/food-challenges-as-a-way-of-testing-for-food-allergies/

[JangleJangleJangle]

Also very slim chance of outgrowing a nut allergy.

If you still have anut allergy at age 16 (age 12 in some hospitals) they will no longer give you allergy tests and tell you that you will now have that allergy for life.

[AndHoldTheBun]

www.allergyandasthmacare.com/2017/06/skin-patch-for-peanut-allergy-demonstrates-benefit-in-children.html

It does look like there are interesting new developments in exposure therapy for peanuts allergy. It seems to work best the younger you are, promising for the future tho.

[flumpybear]

Doesn't carry an Epi-pen .... he can't be that allergic then 😉
Tell her there's no it's and you'll ask the caterers to provide a nut free meal so it's prepared specificslly for him .... and if she says no I'd guess she's trying to get out of it?!

[Osolea]

You're right that a phobia is not an allergy, but phobias can be very severe and debilitating things to live with.

If you can get a nut free menu relatively easily, then I don't see why you wouldn't do that to support your friend. Assuming you do want her there of course.

I know it's easily done, and things like this can be very hard to understand, but try not to judge your friend and her husband on this. It's highly unlikely you know or understand the full picture, so it would be kinder to just respect what your friend has said, and decide what to do about your menu and cake depending on whether or not you're bothered if she is there or not.

[Coffeetasteslikeshit]

Jangle, what about this article: www.newscientist.com/article/dn24968-peanut-allergy-cured-in-children-using-immunotherapy/

it says that "A potentially life-threatening peanut allergy has been essentially cured in nine out of 10 recipients of a new treatment which gradually escalates the amount of peanut protein the body can tolerate."

Are there different peanut allergies? I don't know anything about allergies so am happy to learn.

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

So basically he is a control freak who doesn't want her to go to your wedding. . He is placing bat shit restrictions on her life and she is accepting of it??
Not much you can do tbh.
Wish her well and say you accept her non attending reply.
Both nuts imo. .

[AntiHop]

Are you always so dismissive of people's mental health problems? So it sounds like he's got a severe phobia of nuts. This a mental health problem. He's not doing this for fun or out of choice. It sounds like the phobia is so severe that it's affecting his life and his partner's life. Good on him for getting treatment.

You might not be able to understand how he feels. The thing with phobias is they are irrational and make people behave in irrational ways.

[JangleJangleJangle]

AndHoldTheBun

Thats a study of a small number of people. Like I said my dds consultant told me 10 years and people who are within my support group have also been told over 10 years.

Some say they have been told it will be 'at least 10' years for 10 years now!

And Lol that a quick google could be informative than a dozen allergy specialists all the saying the same thing.

[MsWanaBanana]

Jangle this thread isnt about you and your daughters peanut allergy. Way to make it about yourself and offer no advice whatsoever! OP as some pp have said, if it was a serious allergy I would definitely change the menu for a close friend. It's not too hard finding things without nuts in them. If it's a phobia, that's different. I wouldn't go out of my way to make sure everything is completely nut free just for one person. Although, it seems if you really want your friend there then that's what you'll have to do. It is selfish of her to put you in this position though

[JangleJangleJangle]

Coffeetasteslikeshit

Thats not a cure.

Thats increasing tolerance so traces would no longer be dangerous.

Which would be absolutely amazing. A weight lifted!

But its not a cure, she would still be allergic to peanuts if she ate over her tolerance level. But if she accidently ate a nut or a trace of a nut she wouldnt die.

Its also worth pointing out that there are peanut allergies and tree nut allergies. They are two different allergies.

My daughter is allergic to both tree nuts and peanuts.

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

Surely a genuine phobia /mh issue wouldn't be an acceptable reason to stop your oh going out to eat with friends??

[JangleJangleJangle]

"It's not too hard finding things without nuts in them"

There speaks someone who has no idea about nut allergies.

Tell me how you would know if something contained nuts? Would you read the packet? Do you think its that easy?

Manufacturers are required to list the top 14 allergens. They are not legally required to list products that 'may contain' nuts.

In order to find a product that doesn't contain nuts, you have to ask the manufacturer of that product if it was produced in a factory that has nuts in it. If the line it was made on makes other products that contain nuts. If they consider 'washing down the line' enough to remove the nut traces - it isn't btw but some brands (yes you Ben and Jerrys/Unilever) consider it to be enough, hence why so many people are reacting to Ben and Jerrys despite it not having a 'may contain' warning.

We can only buy certain brands. Brands i know can be trusted to label correctly. It isnt easy. Shopping is an absolute nightnare. One label change, one descion to blanket label (yes you Sainsburys, shame on you!) Means we are no longer able to buy whole ranges.

Its heartbreaking for my daughter to find her favourite food is no longer safe.

[DixieFlatline]

There are different proteins in peanuts that people can be allergic to. There's at least one that is associated with the more serious allergy that people think of when talking peanut allergies, and there are a couple of others which are not usually as serious.

[DixieFlatline]

We can only buy certain brands. Brands i know can be trusted to label correctly. It isnt easy. Shopping is an absolute nightnare. One label change, one descion to blanket label (yes you Sainsburys, shame on you!) Means we are no longer able to buy whole ranges.

I'm not this allergic to anything (at least not yet, I'm not sure of the chances of me becoming so) and I am extremely glad. You and your daughter have my sympathy, Jangle.

[JangleJangleJangle]

I'm not hijacking this thread.

But I cannot let people believe falsehoods regarding nut allergies.

I live and breathe this. As does everyone with a nut allergy or parent of a nut alleric child.

Our lives would be so much easier if people knew the facts and realised the seriousness of it.

[Badcat666]

So does he never ever go out anywhere??? What a controlling tool.

Does he avoid squirrels in case they have nuts? Not going into shops due to nuts in choccy bars? Avoid pubs because of bagged nuts behind the bar?

My step niece has an actual nut allergy and we are all going to a wedding later in the year.

Her step dad has actually pre ordered a nut free starter, main and pud for her from some allergy food hamper place online so they can take a meal along with them for her to eat so it's no hassle for the bride and groom and she can eat stress free. She's over 20 and didn't want a fuss and doesn't see why her not being able to eat nuts should impact on everyone else.

She carries her epi pen at all times as well. Going to be a blast, with or without nuts!

[JangleJangleJangle]

Yes my daughter takes her own food to parties. The best way to ensure safety.

At a recent wedding, the chef cooked her a nut free meal, safe from cross contamination. Spoke to her on the ohone before the wedding and also before the meal.

Luckily my daughter wasn't made to feel as if she was 'causing a fuss'