AIBU to think he can never drink alcohol again, and that this is a deal breaker?

[user1490655749]

My husband has been experiencing problems with alcohol abuse, it has got worse and worse over the years, and has finally resulted in a serious incident. He is not living at home at the moment with me and our children. He is awaiting an appointment with a psychologist through the NHS, and is paying for counselling privately in the mean time. He feels he turns to alcohol because of stress and depression, and if he can tackle these issues, he can drink alcohol in a controlled way. He feels his issue is not with addiction and he does not need AA. I agree he has problems with stress and depression, but also with addiction, and feel he simply cannot and should not drink alcohol. I don't think I will ever get to a point where I can feel relaxed about him drinking. I am also frustrated and angry at the fact that despite all the heart ache and upset we have been through, he can sit there and say to me it's no big deal if he drinks a few beers...

So, does anyone have experience of this? Have you or a partner or someone you know overcome alcohol abuse? How did you/they do it? Do you think it's possible to drink alcohol safely if you have had problems with it in the past, or does alcohol need to be cut from your life? I feel like it will never just be one beer with him, and although it's a devastating prospect, it's a marriage deal breaker, but AIBU?

Your partner is an alcoholic, and until he admits it he will just carry on until he becomes ill with Cirrhosis , or some other alcohol related illness
One of my sons is an alcoholic, he kept saying he was drink dependant,which he thougt was different
He has had a couple of strokes, only mini "you are an alcoholic" because he took no noticones up to now, but he was scared and the hospital told him he should stop drinking and smoking, but drinking first
I rang our Dr, and asked him to tell my son he was an alcoholic, straight out, as he wouldnt listen to me or others,
Our Dr has been brilliant, and so have another charity, [not sure if it a charity or Government funded to be honest,
My son has been in detox now for 2 weeks, and will have to attend rehab , as an out patient ,he admitted at last he was an alcoholic
I am very proud of him , and i know it will have been hard going, but he realised at last how his life could be in danger
One of my brothers ended up in a home with dementia in his 40s, through drink, he was there for 2 years, and one day went walkabout, he was found 3 months later in a ditch,in a very secluded are
I hope your partner can be made to realise alcohol will kill him in the end,if he doesnt stop, ALTOGETHER

My dad is an alcoholic, he can't drink at all. His wake up call came when he was very, very ill and his doctor told him if he carried on the way he was he would die. They wanted him to do AA, but he just gave it up cold turkey instead which was risky. He's tried the "occasional drink" thing, but it doesn't really work.

Sorry message got a bit muddled somewhere in the middle

YADNBU. Except for a tiny minority which he is likely not a part of, sobriety is the only thing that works.

Aside from everything else, it would be incredibly unfair on you and very stressful. If he continues to drink, you'll never know if one day he'll take it too far. I have an addict's brain. It only takes a taste to set off mad cravings and mood swings. Completely abstaining is the only way to get your life back. You can't fix him, but you can improve your own life by moving on.

My partner is - or was - an alcoholic.

He now drinks very occasionally, after abstaining initially in order to get properly recovered mentally. He still sees a psychologist, although less regularly now. For him, it was important to be able to drink normally, to have that control - and he never wanted to give up totally.

But he had a LOT of issues to sort out first in order to get to this stage. It's been a lot of hard work, but it's not impossible.

Poor ou OP - it is a tough decision.... But one I think you already know the answer too.... Many people have a slight dependency on alcohol and dont even know it. However most people who wouldnt dream of going to a weeding without drinking / or away for a weekend are able to regulate themselves, and dont allow their relationship with alcohol or the after effects, to affect their families lives. If he cant do that - which judging from you OP he cant, then he has already learned, he is unable to self regulate ....

Out of respect to you an your children who are feeling the impact of the serious incident you have mentioned, he needs to stop drinking. He needs to sort out his issues and be dry for several years. At that point he would then be able to look back with a clear head and a rational mind, to see if he could have a beer at a a bbq (some people with previous severe dependency issues do end up being able to do this). But tbh this should be something in the future, that he is doing WITH you, not telling you he can have a few beers now. He certainly cant drink now. Sorry OP