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AIBU?

To ask DH to change the way he talks to people?

43 replies

BlackAppleCore · 23/06/2017 08:30

DH is very, very sociable and will attempt conversation with anyone he meets. It's not always welcome to be honest, some people (like me) just like to be left alone but DH will attempt conversation with them anyway.

Anyway I'm becoming increasingly frustrated at the way he talks to people. He doesn't let them finish their sentences before butting in with another question. It's infuriating! Example yesterday:

DH - "Hello mate, that's quite the rent you have there!"
Random man - "hi! Yes it is, I got it from ... "
DH - is this your first time here or you been before?"
Man - "no been a couple of times in the past actually, this year we're ... "
DH - "wherevyou from?? Can't work out your accent!"
Man - "originally oxford but I now live in ... "
DH - "Oxford? So you've not come far then!"
Man - " actually yes, I was just about to say I now live in China"

Anyway similar conversations all day yesterday, I find it so embarrassing and frustrating. WIBU to bring it up with him?

OP posts:
Joolsy · 23/06/2017 08:34

Well it's good that he's asking people questions about themselves but sadly he doesn't wait to hear their full reply! All I can suggest is having a word with him about it

Cocklodger · 23/06/2017 08:42

I'd definitely have a word with him about it.
Having a conversation with strangers is ok,
Having a conversation AT them (which he is doing) not so much

pipsqueak25 · 23/06/2017 09:28

he probably doesn't realise he'e even doing it, but people will think he's rude or there is something wrong with him, which is awkward if he's a social person.

NavyandWhite · 23/06/2017 09:35

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite · 23/06/2017 09:35

This reply has been deleted

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pipsqueak25 · 23/06/2017 09:47

navy my mum does this, usually about me, dgc [she's proud of them that's great] that i was widowed young and my 2 exhs -she is quite loud and it's cringy esp. when i'm with her. all to complete strangers wtf ??
i try not to tell her too much now Grin

NavyandWhite · 23/06/2017 09:55

This reply has been deleted

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witsender · 23/06/2017 09:56

Those conversations are more about the sound of his own voice, and how chatty he is than actually wanting to talk to the other person. Not cool.

NavyandWhite · 23/06/2017 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pipsqueak25 · 23/06/2017 10:00

mum has no filter as she has gotten older Grin

BandeauSally · 23/06/2017 10:05

He doesn't let them finish their sentences before butting in with another question. It's infuriating!

I don't know if I'm just chatting to more people or people are becoming ruder but I have noticed a lot more people doing this in recent years. It's incredibly frustrating and makes me just not want to bother meeting with them. I currently have a friend trying to arrange a lunch date for us and I am stalling because I really don't want to sit and be talked over for a whole afternoon.

BananaLeaf · 23/06/2017 10:10

My SIL does this, won't let you finish an answer before firing next question. So annoying and not conducive to decent conversation.
YANBU I would point out that he's not letting people finish.

PhilODox · 23/06/2017 10:11

Sorry, have to ask, but what's a "rent" please?

BlackAppleCore · 23/06/2017 10:15

Rent - tent 😁

I'm an introvert and highly anti-social so I really struggle with the random "new best mate" scenarios but when he's just talking over people it actually stresses me out. Sometimes he does it to people who ensure that they finish their sentences so it becomes an almost "polite" shouting match between them. I feel myself becoming quite uncomfortable and stressed by it

OP posts:
FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 23/06/2017 10:19

Oh I hate it when people talk to me. That's just the cheerful soul I am.
I agree you should say something - its fine if he wants to be chatty, but just a reminder that conversations are a two way street!

Titsywoo · 23/06/2017 10:21

Dh is like this. He has aspergers though. So does ds and he is the same. Talks at people and doesn't realise when they were getting bored!

QueenOfRubovia · 23/06/2017 10:21

I could have written this post myself.
I have one of those, OP, and like you the day came when I had to have a little talk with him about it. Mine also talks very loudly.

I have a little signal. I poke my finger hard into the nearest part of his body that's available (not hard enough to hurt) so he gets the idea that perhaps he's overdoing it a little. He's quite amenable to this as he knows his brain and mouth sometimes run away with him.

He's just so enthusiastic and chatty. But it's wearing for the rest of us.
Not sure there's anything to completely cure it. I've tried for years.

LardLizard · 23/06/2017 10:22

I think he does it as he wants his questions answered, buthe doesn't want to hear what he views as their waffle
So he gets bored and buts in with another question

LaContessaDiPlump · 23/06/2017 10:22

I have a friend who tends to not listen to the end of my replies and to ask the next question - I try to view it as a sign of her (remarkably quick) mind, as she gets bored with the obvious predictable answers v.quickly and wants to get as much new info as possible Grin tbf she is a good friend, remembers details and is considerate and kind. Not sure how I'd view it in a random person though!

PhilODox · 23/06/2017 10:24

Ah, thanks Blush
I thought it was some cool new slang for something...


Sorry, not really helping on the DH front.

StormTreader · 23/06/2017 10:25

Has he been checked for any hearing loss? Sometimes people get into the habit of doing this because they cant really hear what the other person is saying so they seize on a key word like "Oxford" and jump back in with a reply to just that.

Neutrogena · 23/06/2017 10:31

OP - why has this become an issue now? Was he an introvert before marriage?

Please be honest with yourself - are you getting sick and tired of him in general and this is one if the obvious gripes?

superfluffyanimal · 23/06/2017 10:32

In a conversation with new people I am guilty of this, is just my enthusiasm, I don't mean to be rude. I try not to but still sometimes do it. By all means mention it, it is rude to talk over people. Can you do it in a jokey way? i.e. "give the poor man a chance to answer!" kind of way?

However if he is naturally outgoing and chatty you shouldn't try to curtail that, that's who he is.

Saucery · 23/06/2017 10:36

I work with someone who does this. She is lovely but it is maddening! I find myself giving almost monosyllabic answers now as I know she is not really listening.

wondering23 · 23/06/2017 10:49

I have something similar to this with my Mum and MIL.

My Mum will ask a question and then semi-change the subject/talk about someone else's similar experience before I can fully answer. I am pregnant at the moment, so for example:

Mum: When are you planning to finish work and start maternity leave?
Me: I'm hoping to work until 38 weeks but my boss has said I can .......
Mum: So-and-so (insert name of someone else pregnant) is finishing at 35 weeks because she's been having such a difficult time with her bad back.

My MIL will try to finish your answer for you and will try to mimic the words you are saying towards the end of your sentence, so for example:

MIL: When are you planning to finish work and start maternity leave?
Me: I'm hoping to work until 38 weeks but my boss has said I can work from home towards the end if I'm finding the commute difficult.
MIL will say 'towards the end if I'm finding the commute difficult' at the same time as I say it.

They are both dears really so I try to chuckle about it even thought it drives me mad.

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