AIBU to ask for your best potty training tips?

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I have posted in the potty training group but got no replies, so thought I'd post here for traffic

My son is 2 years 9 months. The last 8 weeks we have been potty training. I wasn't sure he was ready when we started as he never gave any indications he knew he needed nappy changes. For a few weeks prior, i sat him on the toilet before bath time and praise him when he did a wee. One afternoon he asked for "a wee wee on the toilet" so i sat him on there. After he did a wee he refused to have a nappy back on. I went with it, he did really well! We were having trips out and he was dry, asking for the toilet when needed there were occasional accidents but very few.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. He is now weeing in his pants more than he is using the toilet. He attends nursery for 2.5 hours a day and today he used the toilet there twice but also had 3 accidents.

I have tried my best to ignore accidents, but today i lost my temper. He emptied a toy box (small plastic tub) do he could sit in it. He did a wee then got up and poured it on his head. I really told him off, that we do wees on the toilet and not in boxes and that he knows that so not to do it, and i feel terrible for it. I don't know what to do from here. I thought about giving him a break and trying again in a few weeks, but he refuses a nappy "i not a baby" and he refuses a pull up in the day as they are for bed. He will just take them off.

Any advice at all is greatfully received

It might be worth discounting a physical reason for the sudden accidents, a UTI maybe?

Yes good point, constipation can also cause wee accidents and presents in many different ways than we normally think (as in not able to poo). They can still poo and there be a blockage.

Oh? Thats interesting, he's not been constipated as such but he's definitely not going regularly the last couple of weeks. I hadn't even thought of that, hes usually every day like clockwork but it's been every 3-4 days the last couple of weeks. Just as i start to wonder about giving him some fruit juice etc he goes. I may also make an appointment with the gp to rule out uti.

He does wear a pull up for bed, his "bedtime pants" because he's not always dry and was getting upset at his bed being wet.

Yes, I understand it's due to loss of sensation where there's a poo build up. Not saying it's this but something to bear in mind.

I only asked about night time as I wondered if you could liken the needing to wear a pull up in the day to the night time situation, should you choose to do it.

I believe being dry at night is simply hormonal so not something anyone can control.

Not sure if this has anything in it which helps ...

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/amp.parents.com/blogs/toddlers-kids/2015/04/22/health/7-crazy-important-rules-for-potty-training-success/

When I said that choosing whether or not to stop playing and use the potty was behavioural I didn't mean that choosing to continue to play would be misbehaviour (although tipping the wee on their head is likely a bit of boundary testing!). I think it's perfectly understandable that a child would want to continue playing rather than go and wee somewhere adults have decided is the place you have to wee. Toddlers have been perfectly happy weeing and pooing where they stand, sit or lie since birth and don't feel the same social embarassment around accidents/odour that older children do.
Most children ime will need something extra to motivate them to wee and poo where someone else says after the initial novelty has worn off until they are old enough that avoiding embarassment is a motivator. But obviously that comes with extra expense on nappies and potentially issues with starting school if the child still doesn't care about wearing nappies/having accidents.
Since your lo is adamant he doesn't want nappies op I would be reluctant to force him and I'm not sure how you would if he is just going to continue to take it off?

Sorry that made no sense reading it back. I meant if they weren't bothered until they were older and you wanted to wait until they instigated potty use by themselves it would cost more in nappies and potentially be an issue at school as most won't change nappies.

'Most children ime will need something extra to motivate them to wee and poo where someone else says after the initial novelty has worn off'.

Completely disagree. Either they've sensed an agenda or weren't ready.

'potentially be an issue at school as most won't change nappies'

The OP's son is 2!

I made up my own song for it and ds sings it too! He's 2.5

All schools HAVE to change nappies if a child still requires them.

Today (although there is an hour to go before bedtime) he has used the toilet (him asking, not being prompted) each time he's needed to go except once this morning. I was in the shower and oh had gone out on the balcony to have a cigarette and didn't hear him calling for the toilet. He was really quite upset at being wet, a few cuddles soon sorted that though.

I shall just give him more time.

OP, I completely agree with you about not using food as a reward. Many adults reward themselves with food (I'm not saying that it's because their parents gave them a chocolate button for using the toilet!) but it's not something I would want to encourage.

It sounds like you could be right about the past two weeks affecting him more than you thought.
Maybe acknowledging that to him will help. Sometimes we try to protect kids by not talking to them thinking they are unaware when actually they pick up more than we think. So say to him you know it was hard/worrying for him ask him if he's found it hard going back to nursery,etc. Sometimes them just knowing you understand can help.

The taking a long time to clean up sounds good, maybe take the toys away if he's weed on them (not in a punishment way, just an oh no we can't play with them now-we'll have to wait till they've clean and dry).

Toiliting and eating are one of the few things children have complete control over so they often use it to express when something is bothering them.

That's good he's only had one accident. Maybe teach him to get on and off the toilet so he can go by himself.

I disagree that most children need a reward to motivate them. If they have led the toilet training and are completely ready then being pleased with themselves for going/not wanting to go back to nappies(as in OPs DS case)/not wanting to stop playing for ages to clean up,etc is normally enough motivation to go. I guess when toilet training is parent led then it's more likely that bribes are needed.

He is able to get on and off the toilet, but we only have one upstairs. I have a safety gate on the stairs that he can't open yet. I can't remove the gate or my 18 month old will be up the stairs quick as a flash, and he's fallen down them previously. He tells us he need to go and we open the gate to let him up. The potty is in the living room but he doesn't want to use that except to do a poo.

Once again, I'd like to thank everyone for their advice. You've made me realise that these regressions do happen and there are a variety of ways to move past it. I'm fully anticipating when it comes to ds2 turn to potty train, I'll be using a whole different lot of techniques and tearing my hair out because the same doesn't work for him.

Little2feet - I do agree in principle. The I had ds2. Who would still be in nappies now given half the chance. Waited until 3 (ds1 was a month before his 3rd birthday so I'm not someone who believes in early potty training) and talked to him about it. His response was a flat no. His reason was he wanted to be a baby not a big boy. So waited, talked again - no. He got to 3 1/2 and this time I told him was going to. He didn't want to but I knew he was ready. We don't have chocolate daily (at that point it was only at parties/given by grandparents) so it was a massive incentive. Trained within 2 days. Buttons then were for poos only then phased out and toy was bought. Funnily enough he's still my baby . Who's in my bed/ on my lap at any opportunity.

It depends on child, family, even the time of year. Dh and I don't have an unhealthy relationship with food - I'm hoping that dc don't either. They know there are no bad foods but some need to be eaten in moderation as it'll rot their teeth etc.