To be upset with my dad evicting us?

[GhostPower]

So just a bit of background history without outing myself...

My sister and I had a big falling out over something I had requested nicely and she did it anyway. I tried to explain to her what she did was wrong and that it upset me a lot. She was being very rude and patronising and just could not see where she went wrong and very unapologetic to say the least.

My dad has always favourited her and treated her differently than myself and other siblings and we've always voiced this but he always denies it. Our DP's can also see this too.

Am I wrong to think that in a situation so black and white if a person has done something wrong they should apologise?

My DP and I sat down with my parents and explained to them where I was coming from but my dad could not see our view.

My dad got involved and sent me this lengthy letter which basically said I was wrong and I should know better??? Yes I don't get it either. That my sister needs him and he will support her.

Naturally this upset me and my DP didn't like what was said either and spoke to my dad. Admittedly things got heated and my husband defended me.

Now my dad has evicted us and wants us to leave asap with our kids.

AIBU to be upset when we haven't done anything wrong but yet we are the ones being punished?

I wouldn't be happy about photos being shared without my consent either. She was unreasonable and should have apologised as you suggested.
However, I think you need to try and see this as a blessing in disguise. If you have a partner and a child you will be immeasurably better off in a place of your own. Even if the finances are tight.
Living so closely with your family is allowing the lines to be blurred. Your dad must feel in some way in charge/responsible for you and your family and is wading into a situation that shouldn't have anything to do with him and wouldn't if you had some distance between you.
Move out and move on from this. A place of your own will allow you some perspective.

You mention you've got kids, plural. You really should have moved out long before now. I hope you've used the reduced costs of living with your parents to save up to enable you to pay for a deposit and fees for a rental. It's time to take responsibility for your own family now.

I do agree, however, that your sister should abide by your wish not to send pictures of your kids.

So the thing with your sister, although she was wrong to send them if you said no . . .
that would like me saying to my DH that he cant send any photos of my brothers children to his family (which he would consider as his nephews).
I think I would feel upset if my brother asked me not to do this but still would ask DH not to send them.

So it is not quite black and white, never is and arguing you are correct doesnt usually stop an arguement or stop someone feeling hurt.
"I am sorry I made him feel like he wasnt part of the family, I am sorry if that upset you, I didnt mean to upset anyone, I know everyone doesnt feel like this about photos but I really do. etc"

You said you sat down with DP and spoke to your DF so you did get him involved (which I dont think he should be, and you shouldnt be asking him to take your side).

If he always prefers you sister maybe you should tell him how you feel and reduce contact.

You definitely should move out. Maybe it isn't a punishment, just a way to stop further arguments and further conflict.

"heated" to me means you lost your temper so you should appologise for that.

i might be totally wrong but i'm wondering if dad got involved as you are under his roof with a husband, dc and this is an excuse to get you to move out as the sharing has run it's course.
i would assume the 'heated' bit refers to a few home truths, insults or possibly a punch or two thrown.
you really need to be in your own home though and do your own thing asap.

I did say to her and apologised that I didn't mean to make him feel unwelcome and that obviously in time when we get to know each other better, things will change.

We sat down and spoke to my dad after he got involved and brought it up with me.

And sorry I keep forgetting to refer to what I meant by heated. Just words were exchanged, nothing physical or illegal as someone suggested.

But yes i agree moving will be better all around. And ofc I know I have a family and we should be on our own two feet but if we don't have the money for our own place then what can we do?

I didn't ask my dad to take my side but just to understand my views and acknowledge my feelings

i would stay put until /if df evicts you then contact the council and explain your situation so they can sort out temp housing, also call charity 'shelter' who can advise you of your rights which i should imagine will be limited as it's parental house, but don't ignore the situation, it needs to change anyway.

The first scenario you give I can understand, you do not want photos shared but the latest update it is that you do not want photos shared until you deem your sisters relationship serious enough to be included as family. I would be furious if one of my siblings decided they were judge of my relationship.

Honestly, I can understand why your sister feels offended that you won't her share family pictures with her family. It's going to come across as hurtful that that's what you want, even if you did ask nicely.

I understand how you feel too, but I don't think trying to control what people do with pictures you have allowed them to take was ever going to be easy in a family situation where you still live in the parental home. It might be better to not allow the pictures of your children to be taken in the first place.

Where did you live with your children and partner before you all moved in with your dad?
I presume you were living independently when you decided to start a family and at least one of you is working so renting somewhere should be possible. Most 2 parent 2 kids families manage.

We were renting before we had kids. Yes some families can but that can only happen if you're on a decent enough wage to allow you to do it

What was your (you and your DH's) plan for moving out before you had DC? Have you been saving up a house deposit for example while you have all been living with your parents?

Or were you planning on living with him indefinitely, despite your relationship not being great?

So basically you couldn't afford to have kids unless you gave up renting your own place and moved in with your parents and don't fully pay your way. If you can't afford to support your own kids you shouldn't have them, how selfish.

Are you and your partner working? If so, have you been saving while living with your dad?

Instead of being pissed off he has asked you to leave I'd be grateful he's let your whole family live with him- that's a huge ask!!

If you are living on a low wage, it maybe possible to rent and claim housing benefit. If you qualify, they will pay part of the rent and council tax for you.
There are forms online and advice on whether you would be eligible.

I can see your Dad's POV.

Your DH is family enough to be housed by him, but your Soster's Husband has to wait until you decide he's a proper member of the family.

If your DH is man enough to have heated words with your Dad in his own home, then he can house you.

However I have sympathy with your situation. Posters are being harsh, there are many families split up, living with family and in Hostels.

Realistically you couldn't stay forever, so try not to hold a grudge.

Staying here was never going to be a permanent thing and it was always our intention to save and find a place of our own. It was a temporary solution and I am grateful to my parents for housing us when times were hard for us. Do people not think if we could afford it, we would have our own place. No it's not ideal to be living with my parents with a family of our own but sometimes people have no choice and are not as fortunate as others.

I have a condition that meant I could not have kids and had to undergo treatment to have my kids. I was lucky it worked as age wasn't on my side.

People are so quick to be judgemental.

I came on here to vent and get some perspective. Not to be judged.

Thank you to those who offered constructive advice. I will definitely take them on board.

X post.

I don't see how you could say that he favours your Sister when he has let you all live there.

It sounds as though you both need to grow up and start being independent Adults and your DH needs to be a lot more grateful.

Were they your dsis wedding photos? Because you say "new husband", although you then say I didn't mean to make him feel unwelcome and that obviously in time when we get to know each other better, things will change. do you not know him now-he's not a random boyfriend, he's her husband.

if someone's asked you nicely to not do something then imo that request should be requested. ds thinks that too when he asks me not to take him to school/bed/bath/music practice/switch the wifi off.

Have you looked into whether you could claim housing benefit if you were to rent for yourself?
Also tax credits?

Out of curiosity, did they send photos specifically of your children to his family, or were they photos that happened to have your children in them? Because IMO there's a big difference. I'd be weirded out if people were sending pictures of my DD to people I don't know. But if the photos just happened to have her in and they weren't being sent to show my child to the other person, I'd react differently.

Agree with PP that it sounds like you've not really accept her partner as part of the family yet.

I also think you sound a little spoiled to be honest. You're claiming your sister is a favourite child and your partner agrees...while you, your partner and 2 children live under your parents' roof to save on living expenses. It's far less humble than you should be in your circumstances.

And frankly, you should certainly both have been toeing a more peaceful line if your family can't actually afford to live elsewhere. In your circumstances most people would have been pragmatic and kept their mouths shut, not start a family falling out and let your partner disrespect your parents.

Where they wedding photos they shared? If so your being massively precious.

If wedding photos then this is definitely not a black and white scenario. Any photos there is always a question of ownership. Living in someone's house with no contract as an adult has to come with lots of bottom lip biting, it is his house and whilst your DP may want to protect you this was not a situation where this was ever going to end well.