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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with my dad evicting us?

74 replies

GhostPower · 22/06/2017 17:01

So just a bit of background history without outing myself...

My sister and I had a big falling out over something I had requested nicely and she did it anyway. I tried to explain to her what she did was wrong and that it upset me a lot. She was being very rude and patronising and just could not see where she went wrong and very unapologetic to say the least.

My dad has always favourited her and treated her differently than myself and other siblings and we've always voiced this but he always denies it. Our DP's can also see this too.

Am I wrong to think that in a situation so black and white if a person has done something wrong they should apologise?

My DP and I sat down with my parents and explained to them where I was coming from but my dad could not see our view.

My dad got involved and sent me this lengthy letter which basically said I was wrong and I should know better??? Yes I don't get it either. That my sister needs him and he will support her.

Naturally this upset me and my DP didn't like what was said either and spoke to my dad. Admittedly things got heated and my husband defended me.

Now my dad has evicted us and wants us to leave asap with our kids.

AIBU to be upset when we haven't done anything wrong but yet we are the ones being punished?

OP posts:
feathermucker · 22/06/2017 17:57

Impossible to say without more details, context etc.

Gazelda · 22/06/2017 18:02

Of course YANBU to be upset at your DF evicting you. But you'll need to give more detail in order that MN can advise.
Having said that, as a previous poster mentioned, a call to Shelter should be an urgent priority.

stitchglitched · 22/06/2017 18:06

Depends on the detail really, but if your partner confronted your father and things got 'heated' I can understand the situation becoming too uncomfortable to continue living together if that is the case. If however you are renting a property from him then he is wrong to evict you.

Floggingmolly · 22/06/2017 18:08

He "evicted" you? Do you live in a house he owns, or actually with your parents in their house?
Why did your DH decide to wade into a argument you were having with your Dad?
I suppose it's not really relevant, but your post is so ridiculously vague it's impossible to have a view on it at all Confused

OliveSoap · 22/06/2017 18:12

But I don't see why you involved your parents at all in a dispute between you and your sister, especially if your father has form for taking her side, AND is your landlord/or is allowing you to stay somewhere rent-free...?

But as others have said, you're very cagey with the details. It's impossible to say without knowing what your sister did that was so 'wrong', why you told your parents, and exactly how 'heated' things got.

Frankly, it sounds exhausting.

HotelEuphoria · 22/06/2017 18:18

You need to change your name and provide the details. I can't imagine that even the crapest dad in the world would evict his DD and her children because they had had a fallout with a sibling.

Doesn't make sense.

OliviaStabler · 22/06/2017 18:19

So you live with them or a house they own?

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/06/2017 18:19

I'm going to set aside the whole sister business and concentrate on the eviction.

Can he legally evict you?

Do you rent a property from him, do you have a tenancy agreement?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 22/06/2017 18:45

As others have said, we need to know;

a. What did you ask DSis to do/not to do? No matter how politely you asked, if it was an unreasonable request it's still an unreasonable request.

b. How "heated" was your DH in defending you? Did it stay on a verbal level or did things get physical at all?

c. Are you living with your DPs or in a separate property rented from them?

LineyWimey · 22/06/2017 18:48

Vaguey McVagueface

GoneDownhill · 22/06/2017 19:08

I can't imagine that even the crapest dad in the world would evict his DD and her children because they had had a fallout with a sibling.

the fact the OPs DP got involved in the 'heated' exchange and 'defended' the OP is the type of thing that even a great Dad wouldn't put up with in his own home.

fanfrickintastic · 22/06/2017 20:17

We NEED to know (in order to help you):

  • do you live with your dad or in a home he owns but doesn't live in.
  • do you pay rent? How (bank transfr/ cash etc)
  • do you have a tenancy agreement?
  • Has he sent a formal eviction notice (Section 21 or section 8)
  • If he has sent a formal notice, is it vaid?

We want to know:

  • what your sister did that you asked he not too.
ShapelyBingoWing · 22/06/2017 20:30

More details needed I'm afraid OP. You categorically telling us that all other parties in this situation are wrong doesn't actually mean they are.

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 22/06/2017 20:45

I've been nothing but nice to my dad and he'd evict me and my dcs because he's a colossal shit.
Just saying there are people out there who'd do it for no good reason, so don't be quick to judge the op.

AyeAmarok · 22/06/2017 20:57

You shouldn't have tried to force your dad to pick a side (especially knowing your sister is the favoured child, that will always end in tears).

Where is he evicting you from?

Oldbutstillgotit · 22/06/2017 21:30

Why do people start threads then disappear when people ask questions??

Original poster
GhostPower · 23/06/2017 11:04

Sorry to reply so late. I just don't want to out myself hence not putting too much detail. But i guess if you need it then here goes.

I had asked her and her new husband to not send photos of my kids to relatives in another country whom I did not know. I understand some people may be comfortable with this but I am not. My sister has taken this to this to mean something else and thinks I do not accept him as her husband.

I did not speak to my parents about it. My dad involved himself after my sister spoke to him.

I live with my parents and we contribute financially in other parts of the household and with the chores as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
GhostPower · 23/06/2017 11:06

I agree I think it is best we move out as it is putting a strain on our relationships.

We all sat down yesterday and spoke about everything. And bought us some more time to find a place. Initially we were given 2 weeks (though this was not in writing)

OP posts:
HildaOg · 23/06/2017 11:07

I think you'd be better off away from your parents. You've no rights as you're living with them in their home so they can kick you out anytime. Do you work?

AyeAmarok · 23/06/2017 11:15

In light of your update, you have a husband and a baby, it's time to stand on your own two feet and get a place of your own.

It will be better for all of you that way.

Bizzysocks · 23/06/2017 11:23

does your sister and her partner live in your dad's house too?

is this your sisters partner family she has sent photos too?

I don't think it is black and white that they are in the wrong. He probably talks about his life here which involves the children as he sees them as family, and sending pictures home for his family to see is understandable. What is your objection?

Your dad sees you making and issue out of something he doesn't see is wrong and agrueing with your sisiter and your husband having a heated discussions with him. I think it is best for you to move out so he can relax in his own home.

Original poster
GhostPower · 23/06/2017 11:24

I totally agree but we're not flush

OP posts:
Saiman · 23/06/2017 11:52

Honestly, your bil wanted to share photos of his family. Which includes your kids.

I think you over reacted.

You still havent answered what defended or heated means.

But you are best moving.

AyeAmarok · 23/06/2017 12:26

You don't need to be "flush" to live on your own. 99% of the population are not flush either. You just need to cut your cloth accordingly.

Original poster
GhostPower · 23/06/2017 12:31

Look I understand some people don't mind sharing photos of their kids with people they don't know or on facebook but I am not one of these people and I'm sure I'm not alone in that either. I don't mind photos of myself and husband being sent. I've no issue with that but just not my kids. Doesn't really matter what my reason is but if someone's asked you nicely to not do something then imo that request should be requested.

I didn't overreact about it. I was angry yes but I just simply explained to her why it upset me but it was my sister who overreacted.

OP posts:
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