Nanny contact.

[funkky]

Nanny has been with us for a few days. A bit of background, she was on holiday and I interviewed her a few times over FaceTime. She's been nannying for over 10 years , older lady and had the most amazing references from three of her previous employers who she was with for approx 3 years each and I actually met one of the mums who had nothing but praise for her.
I call her once everyday at my lunchtime as it's zilch communication from her if I don't. Yesterday, she says to me, are you going to have to call me everyday? You don't have to I'll contact you if anything is wrong or you can send me a text.
I'm miffed and almost in tears , I've left a baby in her care. Conversations have been awkward and she is really set in her ways insisting on doing certain things in certain ways.
I terribly miss my kids as I have been home with them for a year before returning to work and I am away 11 hours a day to not even hear a peep from her about what's going on. She does give me feedback at the end of the day but does not like to take instructions e.g. About what to give them for lunch or been passive aggressive whenever I try to provide any input.
I Didn't discuss my communicating daily during the interview as surely a parent should be able to call for updates if needed as no big deal.
AIBU to think this is a deal breaker and I have to find someone else. She is lovely with the kids, house is clean and honestly she does more than her fair share of work, she just likes to not get any input from me and its really awkward between us now.
Do parents with nannies just leave them to it the whole day? Dh thinks I should just let her get on with it and be thankful the kids are fine and she's good with them. but she is quite bossy and I see further issues if I let this one slide I mean she's upset about one phone call a day?!

I'm a nanny, and while I don't mind the odd text asking how the wee one is doing daily calls without prior arrangement would get on my nerves.
When my new boss went back to work in my second week I took the wee one up to see her (a short walk away) each lunch time for the first week. Maybe you could arrange a five minute call or whatever.

I send a photo only if we have done something fun, or the baby does something cute.

What I do in the days with my charge is up to me. I stick to the same nap times (roughly) as the parents, and while I feed her basically the same as what they do I don't check in with them about it. I just get on with it.

We nannies are professionals and should be allowed to get on with our jobs. If you want things doing differently call a meeting with her and lay out exactly what you want/need. But do be prepared that she may give her notice if you are making big changes from what was agreed at interview.

Op try and look at it this way, she is not inexperienced, ringing you every five mins and asking exactly what to do
She is capable to the point of being totally confident in her choices for your kids
Try and see that as a positive

As a former nanny of over 12 years I'd feel very checked up on if this happened with no prior instruction. If I start a new job and am told the parents want to check up all the time, then that's different to it just happening every day. Most jobs I've had, I have a nanny diary in which I'd write as much or as little as the parents want, including nappy changes and feeding times and amounts if they want that level, or a more general overview of the day. Also I log every penny spent including all receipts. Every job I've had I've also had a handover time, well in theory! 15 mins as part of my paid day to go over the day. Rarely works that way as pretty much every job the parents get later and later! But it can help.

Getting a call every day would make me think the parents didn't trust me- unless this was brought up before, preferably at interview.

I agree with funnyface. I think you have employed her and should get what you ask for. I don't know about everyone else but the nursery my child goes to is happy to receive phone calls about parents checking in! I don't call often as my child only goes half days currently but if I was to leave dc for 11 hours a day I would want some kind of contact. I haven't read the whole thread but it might be better to agree that she could text you or call on her convenience so you are not interrupting something she is doing with the dc (if getting one down for a nap or something this would help). But I don't feel that a daily conversation is too much to ask. I don't know about lunch or whatever but nursery provide a weekly menu and this may make you feel better? I think at the end of the day these are your children and it is up to you how they are cared for. I wouldn't feel I was being checked on if I was the nanny. Also people saying their boss wouldn't call them everyday? Why not? I often check in with my staff to ensure things are running smoothly - not to check up on them and see no problem with this. I do find it a little rude that she has questioned you like this. I think to suggest she call you when convenient is fine but to make you feel bad about caring for your dc I think is rude and unprofessional. Someone else would moan if you didn't check and think you didn't care. Your dc, your staff, your rules!!

I've never used a nanny but I wouldn't have thought one quick call a day at lunch time would too much to ask when a child is settling with a new nanny and without mum!
And I would have thought one of the advantages of a nanny should be that you get more say in how you would like your children looked after than in a setting where there are lots of other children to consider. Her being passive aggressive and bossy already in a new job would be ringing alarm bells for me. I'd be looking around for alternative care in all honesty.

We have had two really wonderful nannies. Trusted both of them completely but I also miss my DS and like to know what he's up to during the day! What we have done is to set up a WhatsApp group for me, DH and nanny. Most days nanny will post a picture or a short video during the day. If not then no big deal but she knows we like it. Sometimes we will post a pic or video for her to show DS. We also use it for occasional text communication (usually "sorry! Running late!") and sometimes I send a WhatsApp message asking if DS is ok if he's been upset when I've left or something. It doesn't intrude too much on anyone's day and the history of pictures is lovely to look back through from time to time. Both nannies have been absolutely fine with it.

You are her employer. She must follow your rules. She is not the expert in your children - you are. Doesn't matter how glowing her references are, or how 'experienced' she is, if she is so disrespectful.

Trust your instincts x

Years ago now but we had a nanny diary that she used to write a couple of sentences each day to let us know what had happened. My children are much older now but love reading the nanny diaries to see what they did, (and are already arguing over which of them will take ownership of them when I die!). So I recommend it for that as much as for daily communication.

We have a great nanny. We communicate on whatsapp about things like start and finish times or if there is an issue. She sends me lovely pictures of the children having fun. I often tell her what food I have bought so her knows what to cook but most of the time I leave her to plan meals and activities. I never phone during the day.
I agree that you need to back off a bit but perhaps you are a mismatch in style. She doesn't sound very respectful of your needs and you being the boss.

I started working as a Nanny about 18 years ago and I was with the family for 6 years. I don't recall the parents ever ringing up to check on the children unless they were ill. They trusted me and knew that their children were very happy in my care. If perhaps you feel that you need to have daily calls, maybe a Nanny isn't for you. I think I'd have found quite annoying if I were to have them everyday.

Peaface - if every mumsnetter who was told to "trust their instincts" actually did so, there would be hundreds of calls to 999 every night for "a weird noise in the garden" or "a man just walked past my house". There would also be 21 year old kids on MN'ers who had still not been allowed to leave the house alone or make a cup of tea, because as a parent, you should "know your child" and "trust your instincts" as to what they're capable of

Working 925, a nursery wouldn't take a baby for 11 hours a day. I think you're being unfair to the nanny. You've basically delegated parenting to her, and you still don't trust her. She's basically a proxy parent, and she will know your kids much better than you do if you're working for 11 hours a day. Therefore, surely she is best placed to make the decisions about their welfare? And, by the way, I don't think that having that situation is necessarily harmful to a child so I'm not making a dig at you as a parent - children need a primary attachment to a consistent carer, and as long as that carer is loving and constant then the children have their needs met. It could be a mum, dad, gran or nanny. You just have to accept that you have made the choice for that person not to be you and let the nanny get on with their role.

Obviously depends where you are but 7am-7pm nursery is fairly common.

You chose to be away for 11 hours of the day! To me there wouldn't be a lot of point having kids let alone missing them let her get on with her job

Rach5l What a bitchy, unnecessary and unhelpful comment.

harshbuttrue She doesn't HAVE to accept delegating absolutely everything to the nanny and having no contact with them in the daytime if she isn't comfortable with that. She is the one paying for a service. I'm sure there are nannies who would be willing to have contact once during the day and allow the op to say what she would like her child to be fed.

Plenty of parents drop their children at our school breakfast club at 8 and collect them from the after school club at 6 as they work regular 9-5 jobs and have to travel to work. So that's 10 hours away from their child each day. Maybe no-one who works should be allowed to have kids eh

Lol@Rach51. Very bitchy entitled comment. My mum had four of us (in a country where you get three months maternity leave) and she worked full time till she retired at 55.
We love her to bits, hardly remember our carers and I'm glad she didn't put her life on hold for me/us
The fact you can fall on welfare when you have kids doesn't mean everyone wants to.