Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To desperately need a hand hold

38 replies

Christinedonna · 22/06/2017 00:41

Have a 10 month old daughter with OH, I've just found out I'm pregnant and he's decided he hasn't been happy with me for a while and me refusing to get an abortion was the final straw so he wants us out. I just feel lost. He said he'll help financially and with whatever we need and be there for us but just doesn't want to be with me anymore. I just have so many questions going through my head. We have a little holiday booked for July that he still thinks we should go on as "DD deserves it", how does he expect me to be around him after this? How on earth will I manage on my own? Why does he seem to cold about this, happily getting suitcases out for me to pack our lives up and leave. Will he eventually cut contact with us all together and not bother with the babies? Why me???? After all the shit he's put me through in our relationship and I have been the one to forgive him, get over it and worship him, how can I still not be good enough? How can he walk away from our daughter, KNOWING he won't spend every possible minute with her because I'm pregnant and he doesn't want it. It's like punishing her and making me feel bad about it because I won't have an abortion. Sorry I'm ranting. I'm just broken

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 22/06/2017 00:50

You will cope because you don't have a choice! You will raise your children and pay your bills and keep a roof over your heads wether he is there or not!

You are stronger than you think, if he can treat you like this then he doesn't deserve you.

As for the holiday I wouldn't be going with him anywhere.

Only time will tell if he will stay in the kids life but one thing I'm sure of is you will cope and you will love your kids and very possibly a new partner one day, he may be there in the fringes for your kids sake or he may not but really who cares? If he wants out let him and focus on you and your children.

Flowers
PrancingQueen · 22/06/2017 00:53

I've raised my DS alone since birth OP.
My partner of 4 years decided he'd rather be with someone else when I told him I was pregnant Hmm
I was devistated of course, but my boy and I are a little team and I wouldn't have it any other way!
You may not feel it at the moment, but you and your kids will be fine.

PrancingQueen · 22/06/2017 00:55

BTW, no man should be 'worshiped'

Icallbullshit3 · 22/06/2017 01:40

Don't go on the holiday. Once you get over the initial shock you will be able to put plans into place for yourself and your children. You three are the only ones who matter now. It's easier said than done but try not to waste any more emotion on that scumbag. He doesn't deserve any of you by the sound of it Flowers

53rdWay · 22/06/2017 01:47

I'm so sorry. No, don't go on the holiday, it'll just make you feel worse and DD won't care either way if she goes or not.

What are your housing arrangements - are you sure you and DD should be the ones to move out, rather than him?

PrincessPeach08 · 22/06/2017 01:54

Sorry you are going through this. First off why should you leave and why is he getting cases out for you? If he wants to leave then he can go, why should you and your daughter have to pack up and leave because he has decided this isn't what he wants! As far as the holiday is concerned of you still wanted to go with your daughter do you have a close family member or friend you could confide in and maybe ask to go with you and your daughter instead? I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling and no words will suffice, but you and your babies really do deserve better and you will get through this Flowers

OlennasWimple · 22/06/2017 01:57

That's really shit, OP, I'm so sorry for you and your DD Flowers

Marcipex · 22/06/2017 02:02

Don't leave, he can pack his stuff, not you. Have you got a joint account, if so take out the money before he does ( bitter experience ).

Italiangreyhound · 22/06/2017 02:17

OP what has he put you through before?

He sounds like a piece of shit and you will be better off in the long run but for now it must be so very hard.

Do not pack or leave, find out what your rights are. Is he trying to make you and your child homeless?

Speak to women's aid.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

He does not deserve you or his babies but make sure he pays for their care as well. He sounds awful, I am so sorry.

Do not be pressurized into an abortion.

Original poster
Christinedonna · 22/06/2017 07:51

Thank you everyone. We have to leave because we were staying at his mums whilst saving for a mortgage. Otherwise he'd be out on his ear. Me and DD can go to my dads until we find something permanent. He has savings from the what was going to be mortgage and has in the past said he would give me half. So I'll call upon that and that will help with getting somewhere new. He was messaging other girls when DD was a month old arranging to go round their houses, saying he was single etc. I forgave him for that. I've paid for everything for DD. When I was pregnant up until now so that he can save for a house, which has in turn left me with nothing. He has 0 respect for me, spends no time with me, doesn't show me any affection. I got pregnant from us sleeping together for the first time in about 3-4 months. He doesn't help me with DD. I'm basically just an unpaid, unappreciated maid.

OP posts:
FavouriteWasteofSlime · 22/06/2017 07:55

To be honest OP, it sounds like you're better off without him, he sounds like a dick.

UrsulaPandress · 22/06/2017 07:56

And you worship him?

You will be fat, far better off without him.

He sounds dreadful.

UrsulaPandress · 22/06/2017 07:56

Not fat obvs.

Casschops · 22/06/2017 07:59

It sounds to me like you are having a lucky escape. Well done for sticking by your guns. Not sure of your circumstances but get all your finances in order as much as you can. Are you in work OP? Rubbish timing but you'll get through itSmile

AlmostAJillSandwich · 22/06/2017 08:06

If he wasn't happy with you, why the hell was he still having sex with you, let alone unprotected sex!

If you booked the holiday, cancel it. Even if you can't get a refund, don't pay for that arsehole to have a trip away on your dime.

blackteasplease · 22/06/2017 08:42

I agree you are bettee of without him!

And don't listen to any sob stories about why he shouldn't pay cm for dc2!

blackteasplease · 22/06/2017 08:43

Better off!

Not bettee of

SparklyMagpie · 22/06/2017 08:49

Do not go on holiday with this prick

Any chance you can change it so you and your daughter can go?

You CAN do this because you already have been doing it with your baby already.
Take care

WhooooAmI24601 · 22/06/2017 08:52

So you've funded everything so that he can have a nest egg and he's sat messaging other women? He doesn't deserve anyone, let alone someone lovely like you.

It can be terrifying going it alone with a baby. But you'll do it, and you'll do it well. Get yourself a list of what you need to do, and if he's offered half of his savings, make sure he contributes it. It's been an totally unequal relationship for you so far; redress that balance and show him you're not going to worship him any longer.

TheOtherOnes · 22/06/2017 08:57

As gut-wrenchingly awful as you feel right now, this is the beginning of a new, wonderful chapter in your life where you don't have to second guess-yourself, walk on egg-shells, or get undermined at every turn.

Once you have found your feet, life will be so much happier without him.

He thinks he's done this for himself, but he's actually done YOU an enormous favour.

Flowers and Cake. Be kind to yourself, accept all offers of help and just ride this out one day at a time. It will all be absolutely fine (and be VERY careful if he 'changes his mind' which he may well do once he sees how well you are doing).

Original poster
Christinedonna · 22/06/2017 09:34

Exactly what I've been thinking. As soon as I get a place and am settled he'll want in on the ready made family. I think I'm so upset because I KNOW this is it.

OP posts:
cowgirlsareforever · 22/06/2017 09:38

If you stay with him you will have a shit life.
Move on from him and live your life happily.

PeaFaceMcgee · 22/06/2017 09:40

Get that money today, and don't let him come on the holiday. What a fucking dick. Stay strong x

PeaFaceMcgee · 22/06/2017 09:40

The hall of the man, thinking he deserves to spend any more time with you!!

PeaFaceMcgee · 22/06/2017 09:41

*gall