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DS's TA calls him 'nose' AIBU to think it's not hard to say his name?

69 replies

violetmeadows · 21/06/2017 19:55

Yes, my son has the MN dreaded name (Noah) and ifs funnily the only kid in his year with the name Grin anyway...

His TA calls him 'nose' - I know it's clearing the first syllable with an s on the end (so it's Nos) but still!

AIBU to think it's not hard to just say his name?

OP posts:
NotYoda · 21/06/2017 20:56


Maybe they think the TAis a bit thick?

TellMeItsNotTrue · 21/06/2017 20:58

If the TA won't be with him next year then I wouldn't say anything, but I don't like nose because it makes me think of a child being nosey, in Liverpool you would hear "oy, nose! Get out of there" or whatever

BubblesBuddy · 21/06/2017 20:59

I only use alternative names if the person is generally known by a short version or introduces themselves by a nickname or shortened name. It is good manners to call a person or child by the name they choose or those responsible for them have chosen. It is not up to others to choose a name and use it.

Mexxi · 21/06/2017 20:59

Notyoda- yes of course.

Mexxi · 21/06/2017 21:00

It's just that where I teach, parents would be expected to speak to both teacher and TA.

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 21/06/2017 21:00

It's a while since I was teaching but having nicknames for pupils was definitely against guidelines.

It's still against guidelines in the school I'm at, fairly sure that's a school rule not general guideline though as no one's mentioned it at any other school I have worked at.

OP, if it's bothering you or DS talk to the TA.

donquixotedelamancha · 21/06/2017 21:02

"I don't think it's appropriate to shorten a child's name like that."

For god's sake why? What possible harm do you imagine coming from this? People do it all the time. If you don't like it you just point it out and they use the name you want.

"Where I teach, the children are called by their full names."

Where I teach we struggle to afford paper and have to battle to get kids to learn anything. This sort of stuff does not register as a priority. Can we swap jobs please?

barrygetamoveonplease · 21/06/2017 21:02

It's a while since I was teaching but having nicknames for pupils was definitely against guidelines. what time machine have you dragged yourself out of?! As it was fine when I was growing up, fine when very much older and younger siblings were, fine when my children were and fine when my 66 year old mother was. You must be very old

1993 to 2014. And it wasn't acceptable. By all means check it but I'm not doing that for you.
Are you always so rude?

NoCapes · 21/06/2017 21:02

Bubbles who says this is anything to do with Grenfell tower?? Confused

Hulababy · 21/06/2017 21:08

barrygetamoveonplease but who's guidelines?

I've been in teaching from 1996 to 2017, and did 3 years teaching practise prior to that. Have worked in a few secondary and primary schools, state and private in 3 different LEAs. Not one of those schools or LEAs have had that rule.

llangennith · 21/06/2017 21:28

Our primary asks what name the child is known as and whether it's Elizabeth, Liz, Beth etc that is the name all teaching staff use. It won't hurt to speak to the teacher or TA and ask that he be called Noah and no nicknames, especially Nose.

UsernameInvalid66 · 21/06/2017 21:30

Where I teach, the children are called by their full names.

Do you mean always, even if the parents have asked for them to be called by a short form? I know that's not the situation here but a school refusing to shorten any name ever sounds almost Victorian, and downright cruel for any children who find it difficult to cope with anything unfamiliar for whatever reason.

For what it's worth, I don't love "Nose" but I think I would accept it if he himself isn't bothered.

OnwardsNewLifeAhead · 22/06/2017 07:03

I think what irritates me the most is that our school actually asks what name the child prefers, and then this information is ignored.

When dd2's teacher (the head, actually) started calling her by a shortened version (which had NEVER been used for her before), she was only 6. And shy. She found it impossible to correct her headteacher, and so allowed it to continue.

Others then took their cue from this, and it snowballed. At no point did dd2 ever get a choice.

I would feel differently about it if it had arisen from her friendship group - she would have been more involved, and more able to say something if she didn't like it. In fact, her group have flirted with various different shortening/nicknames for a few, but none have really stuck - they all go back to their full names. EXcept with dd2, as hers has been going on longer, and some teachers now use it too, which makes it more 'official'.

It's wrong - if I worked with an Elisabeth, I couldn't just decide to call her Liz, or Betty, or Beth, or any of the other variants. Similarly, I couldn't decide a Christopher was a Topher, or a Chris. It's not my choice to make. And incredibly rude to ignore someone else's wishes and choice in the matter. Same goes for teachers (more so, imo, due to the power imbalance) as I said above, dd2 found it impossible to 'correct' her headteacher, so had no choice in the matter. She has grown to 'not really mind' but it bothered her a lot initially. So now she is known by a name she had no choice over, whilst others in her school are allowed their full name/choice of name (there isn't particularly a culture of shortening/using nicknames, generally what the child prefers is what is used)

BubblesBuddy · 22/06/2017 09:59

NoCapes. Donquixote did upthread. It was bizarrely linked to health and safety and cladding that burns!

Obviously using a "full" name if the child is known by a shortened form everywhere is not any more acceptable than randomly shortening a name or using a nickname. It is not for the school to decide. It is for the parent to advise the school. I also think Nose could be very upsetting for a child with a large nose or was a child with low self-esteem. It is not a pleasant name and should be avoided. Would she have used "Mouse" for Mohammed? I bet she wouldn't!

NoCapes · 22/06/2017 10:04

Oh yes I missed that Bubbles - how bizarre Confused

notanevilstepmother · 22/06/2017 10:18

I've been a teacher for many many years and no one ever told me the nickname rule.

I might call a child named Mohammed Mo which is no different to calling Noah No. Actually if I had a Mohammed and a Noah in the same class I'd probably sit them in a line with Joanna and Boris, just so I could say Mo Bo Jo No.

notanevilstepmother · 22/06/2017 10:21

On a serious note, I would ask the child, or listen to the name their friends call them.

I have a common name that can be shortened in a number of ways, one I answer to, the others I assume they are talking to someone else. It doesn't bother me, but I know it bothers some people. However banning all nicknames is a bit excessive, and requiring parental consent is just PFB. If the child doesn't mind who cares?

TabascoToastie · 22/06/2017 10:37

Some people do like to give others nicknames right away as a way of being matey. I hate it. When someone I don't know well starts calling me by a nickname I put a stop to it asap.

donquixotedelamancha · 22/06/2017 19:36

"How this topic relates to Grenfell Tower is beyond me!"
"NoCapes. Donquixote did upthread. It was bizarrely linked to health and safety and cladding that burns!"

I'm sceptical that you can misunderstand my point so badly, but I'll clarify anyway:

  1. Someone claimed that teaching guidelines prohibit the giving of nicknames to children.
  2. I (and many others) pointed out that this isn't true.
  3. I pointed out that making up fictional rules to justify silly restrictions is common.
  4. I further argued that silly fictional rules are corrosive and lead to cynicism about ALL rules. That people object to, or ignore, valid and important systems on the grounds that all bureaucracy is bad.
  5. I did use the loosening of health and safety rules as an example. Perhaps the point is clearer if I say that teachers are reluctant to organise trips, intervene with poor behaviour or do anything out of the ordinary because of the hassle factor caused by silly ideas like the one expressed above.
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