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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Big family holiday

36 replies

user1498045050 · 21/06/2017 12:53

Hello, first time posting..
basically I'm freaking out! We have a family holiday coming up in July where there will be me, hubby and baby Plus MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL, my brother and my mum. We are all staying in a three bed villa in a remote village in France and I am really dreading it!

The problem is I don't like sharing my baby, except with hubby who I love to watch him with our baby. He will be 5 months when we go. I have no problem leaving him with people to look after him while I go and do things but when I am with him I hate sharing him! I just want all the cuddles, to change his nappy etc. He is mostly BF so no one else can do that for him but he does have bottles too. And I know that when we are away I will have to share him with the family and I don't want to! I don't want anyone to change him, take him in the pool or anything! I feel like I'm being super irrational and really weird but I can't help it. So it's for those reasons I don't want to go. I've spoke to hubby about it and he understands but he's really looking forward to going away. I know the family will just want to help but I don't need help - I am his mummy, I can cope!

Anyway, just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation / feels like this.. xx

OP posts:
jacketej · 21/06/2017 12:59

That's a lot of people for a three bed villa?! Who is on the sofa?!
I think it will be one of the those things you over think massively, yes they will all want to hold baby but realistically they will want to relax as well!
You will probably want to sunbath a bit as well as if it's south of France it will be hot hot.
Don't worry about it, it will be better than you think!

OuchLegoHurts · 21/06/2017 12:59

No, unless my relatives were completely taking over and pushing me out I would remind myself that when I am a grandmother I will not like it one bit if my future daughter in law had that kind of attitude towards me. I think you need to have a talk to yourself and become waaaaay more reasonable. You're lucky to have support and shouldn't be so obsessive.

ObviousChild · 21/06/2017 13:46

When they want to hold the baby or take him in the pool, it's not because they think you need help or you can't cope. It's because they love your baby too. That's a nice thing and I don't understand why you wouldn't want that.

To be honest, I think you are being really selfish. It sounds like you only want your baby to want you and nobody else. That might make you feel good, but is it really in the best interests of your son?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 21/06/2017 13:49

You are still in the flush of babyhood!! Next year when you have a toddler you will be begging for a break on holiday! Be proud your baby is so lovely your family want to share him! And embrace the support if it is genuine!! He will still love you the best so don't worry!!

MommaGee · 21/06/2017 13:54

Yes YABU

I have no problem leaving him with people to look after him while I go and do things
If they've good enough to care for him when you need them there good enough to share with on holiday

2014newme · 21/06/2017 13:56

Your problem is he accommodation is too small! Not the baby sharing! You won't have enough beds!

DirtyChaiLatte · 21/06/2017 13:56

9 people in a three bed villa??

Sorry, I known I'm missing the point completely.

So, you're OK for people to look after your DS when it suits you when you want to go out, but you don't want them near him when you're around?

So basically you want to use them when you need them, and then tell them to f* off the rest of the time? Nobody likes being used.

Thesingingtoad · 21/06/2017 14:02

Did your IL's hijack your holiday?

This sounds like the making of a disaster, there won't even be enough crockery/bedding/towels to go round, let alone waiting for a crap whilst someone spends hours in the bathroom.

WhooooAmI24601 · 21/06/2017 14:05

What's the problem with other people loving and cherishing your baby? Surely you're just chuffed they all dote on him?

Groupie123 · 21/06/2017 14:06

The novelty will wear off after a couple of days, when all anyone wants is to enjoy their holiday in peace away from your baby.

Clalpolly · 21/06/2017 14:17

Cooing over small baby vs kicking back with a drink and a book. Hmm .. that's a tough one. I might half heartedly offer to help with practical stuff but, as pp said, the novelty will wear off pretty soon.

RatherBeRiding · 21/06/2017 14:27

I assume this holiday was booked before you had the baby and realised just how possessive you feel about him? (Which is totally understandable BTW but unfortunately just something you're going to have to grit your teeth about to some extent for the duration).

And like others, how the hell are 9 people going to fit into a 3 bed villa?

But that aside, it's booked now so if you decide to opt out will your DH still want to go? How much money would you lose if you/both of you didn't go? Would you still want to go if this imagined scenario of everyone else taking your baby away from you wasn't in your head?

Or else take a sling - keep baby physically with you all the time and very politely but sweetly refuse all offers of help.

Dunno - tough one. In your shoes I'd opt for the sling option. But my family and ILs were always very respectful of my DC and wouldn't dream of insisting on taking them for a walk or feeding them or changing them or whatever unless they specifically asked and we said OK.

RainbowJack · 21/06/2017 14:36

YABVU.

He's not a possession and you sound childish.

Heaven forbid your child has family to love him.

witsender · 21/06/2017 14:40

Tbh, your baby doesn't belong to you. They are a person and they are entitled to have their own relationships apart from with you.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 21/06/2017 14:41

Unless your family are very controlling & take care of your baby in a way you don't like, I'd make the most of it TBH Confused.

Won't it be nice to just be able to lie by the pool with a book & cold drink for an hour without having to watch him? Maybe I'm a lazy cow but I'd use the time to relax - and enjoy it too!

redshoeblueshoe · 21/06/2017 14:42

2 nights of teething will cure you Grin
Where is everyone going to sleep ?

UrsulaPandress · 21/06/2017 14:49

That's a hell of a lot of people in a 3 bed villa!

Chill.

Caterina99 · 21/06/2017 14:54

Ha! Wait until he's a toddler causing mayhem and you can't take your eyes off him for a second -you'll be desperate for an hour of peace.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/06/2017 14:57

YABU. You're making him sound like a possession.

Although if you were worrying about how many if you there are in a 3 bed villa, YWNBU.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2017 15:02

I don't like to pull this one out but in case it helps...

My DMIL died when DD was 8 months old. She shoved her way into the first few weeks of DD's life, flew to visit before we said she could, everything. She was lovely, just a bit pushy!

Now, when we look at those pictures of her holding DD as a newborn, they are the most precious memories. As she was dying, she said to DH, "DD is so beautiful". Now DH tells DD about that to keep her memory alive.

Your baby is part of a family. Everyone loves him. It's great.

9 people in a three-bed? You're going to regret THAT.

StayAChild · 21/06/2017 15:08

If you want to put your baby first, try to think of how wonderful it is for him to be surrounded by people who love him and care for him. He can only benefit from seeing the World from a different perspective and in someone else's arms now and again.

I thank my lucky stars that my daughter is so generous with my DGC and really wants them to have a great relationship with their GPs. She loves how my baby GS settles in to relax on my shoulder. Don't worry, I love giving them back when I've had enough. Wink

Reow · 21/06/2017 15:11

The title of your post just drove fear into my heart.

Terrifying. Not being sarcastic.

Reow · 21/06/2017 15:12

3 FUCKING BED?

Oh my god. No fucking way.

19lottie82 · 21/06/2017 15:14

What's the problem with them all in the villa?

Bedroom 1 - me, hubby and baby

Bedroom 2 - MIL, FIL,

Bedroom 3 - SIL, BIL

Livingroom - brother and mum

FuckingSausageFingers · 21/06/2017 15:18

Oh god, you sound like my SIL. The baby hogger. I find this kind of thing really hard to relate to because one of the things I loved most about having a newborn was seeing how much other family members loved him. Genuinely made me feel like he was really lucky to be born into a family where people were dying to have a hold. Don't you feel pleased that so many people are showing an interest in your baby? Enjoy it while it lasts - people are WAY quicker to leave you to it when you're running round sweating your tits off chasing a lively toddler. definitely not bitter or anything

Please try to chill out a bit. You'll have loads of time with your baby- feeds, changes, etc. and you'll be the one waking with him and settling him at night, etc. Plenty of time for cuddles all round by the sounds of things. Then when the holiday is over, you can carry on shielding your pfb from contact with friends, family or anyone else who might show an interest until you need to use them for childcare.

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