Big family holiday

[user1498045050]

Hello, first time posting..
basically I'm freaking out! We have a family holiday coming up in July where there will be me, hubby and baby Plus MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL, my brother and my mum. We are all staying in a three bed villa in a remote village in France and I am really dreading it!

The problem is I don't like sharing my baby, except with hubby who I love to watch him with our baby. He will be 5 months when we go. I have no problem leaving him with people to look after him while I go and do things but when I am with him I hate sharing him! I just want all the cuddles, to change his nappy etc. He is mostly BF so no one else can do that for him but he does have bottles too. And I know that when we are away I will have to share him with the family and I don't want to! I don't want anyone to change him, take him in the pool or anything! I feel like I'm being super irrational and really weird but I can't help it. So it's for those reasons I don't want to go. I've spoke to hubby about it and he understands but he's really looking forward to going away. I know the family will just want to help but I don't need help - I am his mummy, I can cope!

Anyway, just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation / feels like this.. xx

Because your mom and brother can't go to sleep until you all do and have to get up when you all do. Have no space to put their clothe. Have no space of their own.
If the villa caterw for 6 adults there will be insufficient bedding, crockery, seating etc

How old is DB?

I could not cope with 9 people in a 3 bed.

Do the people in the living room mind?

How many bathrooms?

Did you change change?

How old is DB?

Hi, thanks for all of your replies. I suppose you're right, I should be happy they show so much interest in him. I just had a bad experience when he was born where we saw so many people (we have a big family) in the first two weeks that I just didn't see him. - only for feeds and then I was handing him back to other people for cuddles so now that's all I think will happen (and does happen).

The 9 people in one villa is a mistake! It's a family friends villa and they offered it to us for two weeks and people were meant to split their time over the two weeks, i.e. Some come the first week and some the second. But it turns out that no-one could do the first week(only us and the MIL and FIL) so everyone else is coming on the second. I said to the hubby we should just go for the first week so they have more room but the second week people kicked up a fuss because they wouldn't get to see the baby. So we are staying to keep the peace.

There's two bathrooms, 1 bedroom has an en suit.

user1498045050 In that case you need to speak up. He's your child. If you want him back, go and get him. "I'll have him back now, you can have a cuddle later".

Being assertive doesn't make you aggressive or confrontational.

It'll be different for him at 5 months than it was at 5 days though. At the start they need you and the bonding is really important. By 5 months he's old enough that new faces can keep him entertained. You can still have him back for regular feeds and cuddles, I just think to be dreading the thought of sharing him with your own family before you've even arrived is a bit much.

Living arrangements sound a little overcrowded but not a lot you can do about that now by the sound of things?

I'm in the minority on this thread! But I couldn't cope with being in a 3 bed/2 bathroom (one of which is an en-suite) with 9 people. I'd be a gibbering wreck after 3 days, even without a baby!

Not saying i'm right and everyone else is wrong, just pointing out a different perspective. I do not cope in crowded environments.

YABVU.

That baby will grow up with issues...or do you want to raise the next Norman Bates?

Its good he is getting lots of love and attention.

One of my aunts was like this over her oldest baby. Wouldn't let anyone near her, touch her, hold her, talk to her... maybe even look at her.

Consequence of that?

My cousin has virtually no relationship whatsoever with the rest of us. Because she was held apart from the moment she was born. I thought nothing of this, really, until a relatives funeral quite recently when I stepped out of the group of cousins I was standing with and realised that said precious-first-born-don't-even-look-never-mind-touch cousin was sat apart from everyone else looking absolutely miserable. Her brother, meanwhile, was thrust at every relative going and, consequently, is close to all of us still, and even he's said that there's still an air of possessiveness over the PFB cousin and their mother (the father, my uncle, let his then-wife get on with it, because he knew no better). We're all in our mid-30s/early 40s, incidentally, so this isn't a new "thing".

Please don't inflict that upon your child. Be protective, be aware, be assertive if needs be... but don't make them feel as though they need to be held separate from their extended family if there's genuinely no need other than your own selfishness. Because, ultimately, that's what it is, I'm afraid, OP - selfishness.

Your co-parent may well want his family to be a part of your baby's life. And that means dirty nappies, sleepless nights, screaming fits where absolutely no one (even you) can rock them to sleep. It means a childhood full of security as they know that they have a wider family who will pick them up and dust them down, listen to them, advise them. It means you have to trust your baby's other parent's family. They raised him, after all... and you chose to have a child with him, so he's obviously okay.

Reow I think most people are in agreement about the 9 people + 3 bed/2 bath bit. The op is asking if she is being unreasonable to be dreading her family holiday because her family will want to hold her baby because she "doesn't like sharing" him. They would presumably still want to hold the baby if they were staying in a 10-bed mansion?

In reality, yes YABU. But I get it. I'm a bit of an introvert, I don't like lots of people for long periods of time (even family, except OH & DD) So that holiday sounds like my idea of hell. I wouldn't book something like that. When DD was tiny I used to hate it when people used to try to take her from me (I used to say no, though, if I didn't want them to) and we had one memorable incident at her christening when she was 4 months and SIL had her and she was screaming the place down. I went over and said 'time to come to mummy' (she needed a feed) and MIL threw a huge strop and said SIL was perfectly capable of settling her. Well unless she could BF (she has no kids) then no, she couldn't but it wasn't the point. I made it very clear after that that if DD was distressed, she came to me or OH. MIL did say sorry after, and said 'we just all love her so much, and you don't let us help you out Sleepthief. You can have a rest you know, it's fine to let us have her for five minutes while you have a cuppa' which I hadn't considered really. I think my problem was I had unresolved birth trauma, anxiety and probably a touch of PND in hindsight and was convinced if I let people help then they'd all think I was incapable or a crap mum. They didn't. They just loved us both and wanted to help!

What I will say is DD is now almost 15 months. And my god do I appreciate her helpful grandparents, aunties and uncles! I still have only left her once overnight but one of the Grandmas will babysit around once a month so we can go for a meal or something and they all visit a few times a week - even having someone else here to play with and watch my little hurricane for half hour so I can drink a cup of tea in peace is lovely. You're still in new mum mode, it'll pass. As long as their intentions are good, don't be mean to them. Be assertive if needs be, if you really feel baby needs you then by all means step in and take him. But remember you will need/appreciate a hand with him one day in the not too distant future, so it's not a good idea to slap it away.