To ask for your help to become organised, efficient and serene in the mornings if you have successfully changed your ways? I know it's been done before but I am desperate!

[ShoutyMcShoutFace]

I do enjoy reading all the home organisation / making mornings go smoothly threads, but have a serious problem putting any of the tips into action. I am starting to worry my kids are going to hate me due to the general stress, shouting, and chaos that seems to happen every morning in my house.

Firstly even getting to school on time seems a be a huge challenge we are increasingly failing. We never leave on time and the morning ends up with shouting 9 times out of 10. This is despite everyone often being up at 6 so I really don't know how it all goes so wrong. Everything seems to be fine until my husband leaves for work at which point we have 35 mins remaining to get out of the door. Weirdly on occasions where my husband has done the school run, everything seems to run swimmingly and they leave in plenty of time. So it must be me causing the issues, and I am desperate to stop it as I hate the shouty, stressed mum I have become. I am constantly repeating myself and FFS'ing under my breath.

My DS6 makes a massive fuss about teeth cleaning and suncream application. He just hates it and runs off pretending to hide, makes excuses and then eventually screams/whinges/cries throughout the process, then demands drinks / towels /wipes and is just basically rude and aggressive. I've totally run out of patience for this so just end up shouting back at him and muttering under my breath.

Yesterday after this routine he suggested "can we start again" - which is a phrase I had used previously to wipe the slate clean re behaviour - and to my shame I said, out loud to him, Christ no I'm not doing all that again, I actually wish I could speed time up until you are 15 and I don't have to clean your teeth .

He doesn't react like this to my husband -and just gets on with it (although suspect husband is less thorough).

We then have the usual last minute hunt for shoes / bookbag / hat which have no actual "place" to live so just get dumped randomly anywhere.

Secondly, when I get back from the school run, everything looks like total chaos. There is usually food left out, breakfast remnants wherever they were discarded, random items from around the house on the kitchen floor, normally one or more areas of spillage or food debris to clean up, shoes / socks/ hats / suncream / hair bobbles everywhere.

I work part time from home and seem to spend the vast majority of my "work" time doing tidying and organisation stuff at home (I wouldn't even call it housework/cleaning as it is more moving stuff/putting away laundry) meaning I then have to work late at night and/or get behind on work stuff and end up stressed about that.

On my working days, when my toddler is in childcare, it takes me at least 2 hours just to tidy to a basic presentable level - ie dishwasher loaded, food in bin, rubbish in bin, crumbs swept/floor wiped / surfaces clear, all random junk into a washing basket to be re-distributed to the correct room, beds made, clothes picked up from floors / put in washing bins, toothbrushes & toothpaste replaced, curtains opened, toilets flushed and bleached, bins emptied (nappies). This doesn't include any real cleaning or anything to actually improve the situation. Its just a reset.

I will then try and do as much laundry as possible because I find it hard to get it done with the toddler - she likes un-folding and un-putting away stuff. So I end up with several loads worth to put away which seems to take another hour or so - if put away properly. If I don't do this I end up with a big mangled pile of clean washing sat in a spare bedroom which everyone has to rummage through to find their own stuff which just ends up adding to the chaos in the mornings.

Other things I find hard with the toddler eg paperwork or bank admin stuff I will also try to get done while she is at nursery.

I will then tackle any housework jobs which are really screaming out for attention eg cleaning a bathroom or hoover/dusting. Nothing ever seems to get done until it is absolutely grim because that's the only thing that seems to push it up the priority list.

I've also got a huge to-do list of small annoying jobs which I try to tackle too - eg pick up prescription/get present for parties at weekend/book eye test etc etc.

On my non working days we will do something like playgroup or park in the morning, and then while toddler naps I will tackle the mess from the morning and maybe unload/reload dishwasher or prep for dinner, then she has lunch and the cycle starts again. I can never seem to get any new tasks done on these days - it is more damage recovery from the daily routine.

I'm aware this all sounds ridiculous as there are lots of parents out there with more kids or working full time who can manage all this, and I feel a bit pathetic at what it has come to, but I must be doing stuff really wrong to be chasing my tail this much and for the house to be in such a state constantly. Please help!

I think you'll have to accept that while you have a toddler things are going to remain in a permanent state of low-level chaos and there's not much you can do about that.

That said, there are things that you can do to make mornings run more smoothly. Perhaps a schedule (write it out if it helps). So, up at 6, breakfast straight away and finished by 6:45, dishes tidied by 7, clothes on by 7:15, teeth brushed by 7:30, suncream on by 7:45, book bag etc ready and waiting by the door by 8, then a treat (cartoons, game or summat) until it's time to go. While the treat is happening you can have another cup of tea or get a load of washing in.

Is your husband doing his fair share of housework? Can you afford a cleaner? Would it help if you had an office space to go to to work or perhaps went to a cafe with your laptop at least one day a week so you're not surrounded by house mess?

Would it be possible to put the toddler in childcare for an extra day, or even half day, and use that as your "reset"? Then you only have to keep on top of it for the rest of the week. And how much housework does your husband do? I'm a SAHM, and I do the bulk of the day-to-day stuff, but DH puts away all the laundry, Hoovers and mops and cleans the bathroom - all stuff that's tricky to do with a baby in tow.

How old are your children? I would aim to be getting all the clearing up done before you leave for school. The kids can help. Then you can come home and actually work. I have a toddler and a 11 year old who gets the bus to school so I don't have to do the school run. I feel like I'm constantly reminding him to hurry up or he will miss the bus, put suncream on, where's your lunch etc. He will go upstairs for his wallet then come back down and ill ask where his hat is then he will go back upstairs then remember something else. By the time he leaves I'm all stressed. If I'm taking the toddler to toddler group then I aim to get all the jobs done by 9. I hate coming home to mess. I find this stressful with a toddler too. If we're not going out then its a bit less frantic but I still try and get it done asap so we can go and play in the garden for a bit before nap time. I feel the same about never getting chance to do anything other than the daily stuff. I work evenings and weekends so I'm either at work or with a toddler.

You have just described my life

I have a 6yr, 2yr and 1 yrs

Pegs at a reachable height for school bags have worked for me. And a shoe rack. And lowering my standards massively.

Damn that sounds chaotic.
You need some boundaries and some rules. How difficult is to have the school/gym bags next to the door with hats and everything needed for school in there? You don't mention child ages but they should be responsible for their own bags. I just ask the question "have you got everything you need in your bag?" if they forget their homework, it's their fault. I refuse to take responsibility. They soon learn.

Can you afford a cleaner 3-4 times a year? at least for one big clean, and tide up so you only need to maintain it.
Can the toddler play with himself while you do things? Can you stop it when he pulls the papework or anything else? Is your husband helpful around the house?
My DD was the same about teeth and suncream. A few pictures of rotten teeth and some cancerous skin on google images soon put a stop to the fuff. Do they want skin/teeth like that? If yes, then go ahead and not brush them. I gave them the option. (for extra impact I did printed and stuck them on their bathroom mirror) Sometimes, you need to throw the ball in their court for them to decide. And from the age of 6 I didn't do anything except checking in on them. They have alarms they know where to go and get their clean clothes, undies, socks, etc. Where to brush their teeth and faces. Only thing I do is check on them at regular intervals and occasionally I do their ponytails. At 9 and 11, they do a good job tho. I have plenty of time to get dressed and ready, (with time for makeup) for my own full time demanding job.

Also, It's their responsibility to take the clean clothes from the laundry/irning and tide them up and have them ready for the week. They ignore me and run out of school shirts, it's their problem to go back with the same dirty smelly one or without and explain themselves to the teacher. I get a letter about a forgotten sports kit, means I remove their pocket money.

I'm sorry but letting your toddler, unfold the mess your laundry is something you can stop and allow him to play with a toy. Not everything is open season. Come on.
List writing and delegation will save you. You don't have to arrange the optician's appointment. I'm sure your DH can do that on his way to work or on his lunchtime. I'm sure he can hoover while you do the bathroom.
Also, kids can help around the house. not just putting their clothes away but keeping their rooms tidy. By putting their dirty plates on the dishwasher and their socks in the basket, etc. Once bathtime is finished all their dirty clothes are in the washing basket and their bathtub rinsed. Their bathrobe back to the coat hanger behind their bathroom door. If they want, I can dry their hair.
Obviously, all this won't be acceptable with a toddler but the elder ones can do it.
sure, I'm struggling with the above routine sometimes but I'm getting there. They are kids and we are all human.

I have four DCs. Older now, but still have the bag-packing-the-night-before argument every bloody morning!

I have those cube Ikea shelves. Top shelf has the cupboard door for books, pens etc. Bottom shelf has the pull out cube for school bags, PE kits etc (PE kits/swimming stuff straight in there when dry from laundry). Shoes on the shoe rack by the door when they come in - shoes off.

Dry spray suncream. Spray it into his hands and let him do it on his face. Quick light spray over limbs. Fab stuff.

Keep toothbrushes in downstairs loo/kitchen sink. Yes it's probably gross to some but one set upstairs for bedtime, one set downstairs for morning. No going off and getting distracted by a bit of fluff on the bedroom rug.

No tv/radio on in the morning.

The key is to do as much as possible in the evening. Dishwasher goes on after tea, so can be emptied before bed. Laundry set on delay to wash at 1am when cheaper electricity, hang out in the morning.

I get up half an hour earlier, walk the dog, get the laundry out. Pots in the dishwasher as soon as they've finished. Quick wipe down. Jobs done.

How many children do you have OP? A toddler and a 6YO and how many more?
For the school aged ones: they need a 'spot' to put their bag, their hat, shoes and coat. Same place every day. Before you go to bed at night check that everything for the morning is where it needs to be. School uniform should be laid out on a chair/on a hanger for them to access first thing. Shoes get polished in the evening. Lunches (if required ) get made and refrigerated in the evening.
Absolutely no screens in the morning until everything is done. Then screen as a bribe for the last 2 mins while you put the toddler into pushchair.
Lastly (or firstly) be up and dressed before any of the children ask for anything (they can be awake: but you will not provide anything or answer any questions before being up and dressed: basically train them to wait.: it's a simple reverse of routine which saved us all after years of trauma in our house!

With regards to the laundry, what works for us is each having their own basket. Instead of doing 5 mixed loads a week, I do each person's independently, once a week. No sorting! Literally saves me hours. Dh and teenage dd will also then do their own if they need stuff that's in their baskets. Some pre organisation required (eg. Ds needs 5 polo shirts to see him the week)

For the mornings, my only tip is to do everything that you possibly can the night before. Sounds obvious, but I mean sorting out uniforms (even pants/socks), sorting lunches, book bags, etc. Even your own clothes for work. Absolutely no tv until everyone is ready for school, then set the timer and it goes off. Toothbrushes/ hairbrushes, have duplicates downstairs in cloakroom or kitchen so no one has to disappear upstairs and forget what they are up there for.

We get up at 7-7.30 ish and leave at 8.30. It is a manic hour but we get it done. Perhaps by getting up at 6 you have too much time and enough time to 'drop the ball'? It it were me, I would get up at 6, have a leisurely hour getting ready, and then wake them at 7 and be in drill sergeant mode!

• low peg and specific location for bags / hat / coats
• routine - eg teeth after breakfast with no fussing. That's just when teeth are done. No wheedling. Teeth time.
• no screens unless all is done
• if you aim to have DCs ready by DH's leaving time they get 35min tv(!) while you do a quick wipe round

TBH you seem to leave a lot to do in the mornings - I prefer to do any proper cleaning in the evening, sometimes when DC are in bed, so I can go to bed with house looking reasonable and then there's only breakfast crumbs to wipe in the morning.

(I have sympathy for you with the 6yo though - my 7yo reacts with surprise and outrage every single morning when I ask him to put his shoes on, like I've asked him to do something completely unexpected and unreasonable. Every day.)

Sorry to jump the thread but henrys can I ask if you remember the jobs or chores you 6yr was able to do?

I know I'm too soft with my eldest and I'm unsure on what's reasonable or not for him to do?

OP it's very hard work and there's no two ways about it.
It gets easier as they get older in one way, but harder in another due to more subjects, different sports kits, homework demands. Mine are all at school now and I'm not working but I still feel shattered by 9am, just getting the DC (and DH)! out.
I have a cleaner who comes 9am-12am Mon, Wed and Fri. It actually forces me to be a lot tidier in the mornings before I leave for the school run as I don't like leaving dishes out or messy bathrooms for her to be confronted with. Could you do this? Then all you need to do is sorting laundry etc. Save your energy for the DC!

Thank you so much for all these views. I am going to read through again and write a list. I want to put some things in place TODAY to start to address this.

Oh god this is embarrassing but it's only 2 children. 20 months and just six (yr1).
We have thought about a cleaner and will look at that again. It's just they won't (rightfully) tidy, which is probably the biggest problem so not sure how much impact it would have.

Husband quite good and actually manages to get more done if he's here, he will eg do all the he breakfast clean up / sort dishwasher or put a wash on in the mornings on the weekend. He's actually more of a naturally tidy person than me. He mainly does his own washing and ironing. He does work long hours though and is often away. I have seen on here before if a job only take 5 mins, do it straight away, that's typical of my DH. Where he falls down is groceries / meal prep/ cooking - that's all down to me although that said he won't whinge if he ends up doing an omelette or something if I've not sorted anything.

I think I do need to get the kids involved more thank you and I will do a written routine too- something we can all follow.

I would absolutely love to get up before the kids and get ready. It's not going to happen as toddler is in my bed and will wake up as soon as I'm move, 6yo soon after. But I like the idea of getting up and ready first. Maybe my mindset will be better if I'm ready before starting off tackle them.

One thing that works for me is getting ready before anything else - so we're all up, dressed and teeth cleaned before we go downstairs.

DC play while I make their breakfast and finish packed lunches.

Then we all sit down for breakfast but I let them have the TV on .

Then they play while I finish getting myself ready. Bags are by the door from the night before so just need drinks putting in.

I haven't found the solution to sun scream rebellion though!

Oh I also do dishwasher/sorting stuff/hanging up laundry in the evenings. I listen to podcasts or have a programme on the iPad so it's actually quite nice 'me time'

What time do you actually need to leave?

Spray sun cream- yes we have that and i agree it's better. Problem is I have to put that 8hr stuff on him at mo as school won't do anything in the day and he's at afterschool club where they play outside, he totally refuses to put any cream on himself so no point just putting in his bag. I will have a look for some pics re sunburn and teeth, thanks for that idea.
He just absolutely hates having it on but if I'm calm and not rushing I can kind of talk him through it and sympathise and it's not so stressful. I just need to sort out my own shit timetabling and disorganisation.

Sorry someone also asked about office - yes I do have a desk- in he garage so I can just shut the door if necessary but I have also been known to log into Skype and then bring the laptop with me round the house while I do stuff Although I do stop for phone calls etc. In my defence I do quite a bit of out of hours work for the company so hopefully I'm not taking the piss. I do my hours but it ends up being at stupid o'clock.

Oh and yeah I don't actually need or want to get up at 6 (or earlier ugh) I just wake up whenever the toddler starts poking me, and then we're all just up as house has paper thin walls.

I have 3 kids (7, 5 & 2) and am pregnant with no.4. My husband works away Mon-Fri.

I make sure everyone's clothes etc..are out next to their beds the night before...nobody goes downstairs until they're dressed and have had their hair/teeth brushed...spray suntan lotion 6 months a year at least - we're abroad and have a warmer climate. I always keep a bottle in my bag too as if we're running late, I'll quickly apply it at school!

I then take them all downstairs and make them breakfast and they sit at the table and watch tv whilst I get ready (if I haven't already).

I prepack all 3s packed lunches the night before. I make sandwiches etc..and leave them in the fridge overnight and then just pop them and their water bottles in their bags in the morning.

Coats and shoes are ready by the door the night before and once they've finished breakfast (the 2 year old sometimes needs help) they put their shoes and coats on themselves...

I often empty the dishwasher in the morning (it only takes a minute) and put a wash on...just before we leave I'll chuck their breakfast things in the empty dishwasher..

I get up at 6.45am and we leave the house at 8am or just before.

I often shout to remind the kids what they've got to do but I find that they're aware of the routine now...

I walk the older 2 to school then back home and drive to dd2's nursery - she's there from 9-12 so I manage to fit in a dog walk/food shop and general admin while she's there.

I'm organized so the house is never a mess. The kids have to tidy up after themselves otherwise they get no pocket money...

I do have a cleaner though so generally don't clean/iron which is a massive massive help!

It's definitely possible to do with discipline & routine! A bit of shouting/tv does no harm either!

Sorry looong post😳. What an exciting life I lead😂😂

Oh my god monsti I think I need you to come to my house and do some onsite training. This sounds like some sort of mythical land and the moment.

Well it was a long time ago but I got up at 6.30 and showered and dressed. DH left at 6.50. I made their beds before we went downstairs. Took two minutes. DC came downstairs in their him jams and had breakfast and brushed teeth and washed hands in the utility room. They were allowed to watch TV when they were back downstairs and washed and dressed. Usually by about 7.45 latest.

I never went to bed without tidying everything and getting clothes and book bags ready.

While they watched TV through family room from kitchen. I did dishwasher, washing machine, wiped table, etc. Sorted any school paperwork.

After (what I can remember is Big Cook, Little Cook or Arthur) the tv was switched off at about 8.25. They had five minutes to put on shoes and coats and/or book bags and five minutes to get in the car.

To be honest the playground was shared and they weren't in the sun for more than 15 minutes at a time. DS wore shorts and long socks; dd a summer dress below the knee and they had hats. That, IMO, was not enough to burn fair haired children and it never did.

I used to make simple sandwiches: ham, cheese, cream cheese, tuna on a Sunday and freeze them in portion sizes packets. In the fridge I had a box into which ten little bags containing fromage frais, Kipling slice satsuma or raisins). Took about 30 seconds to fill luncbboxes and the frozen sarnie kept the fromage frais cool. They also had a morning fruit box and I used to get these ready in advance, usually with berries nut only a cpl of days at a time. This also stopped the ingredients being smacked on.

From the day I started work I used to have everything ready the night before. Keys check, purse, season ticket, clothes out, even tights, etc.

Oh, and evening baths/showers for the dc.

Once dd was settled in reception (when she was 4, DS was nearly 8) I went back to work. After one year they were at different schools in opposite directions. After a year of that and working part-time I went full time and got an au-pair and the au-pair dealt with the crap until dd was 12

One other thing and i may be flamed for this. I had a jar of sweeties and after tea they were allowed five each. I'd they hadn't co-operated during the day they lost their sweetie ration. Put an end to no end of drama but you have to follow the threat through.

Why is clearing up after breakfast such a big job? Do they walk around the house eating and drinking?

Dishwasher? If not, get one!

I think the PP suggestion of everyone having their own washing basket and just doing 1 wash a week is a good idea.

More childcare for toddler.

Cleaner for cleaning, bed making and washing loads, ironing.

Do you have too much stuff? If you have too much stuff it is really hard to keep tidy and clean.

Do you have any 'hall furniture' like coat hooks or shoe rack? If so, coat and book bag on the coat hooks, shoes on the shoe rack. If not, put a plastic tub in the children's rooms and the night before books bag, shoes, coat etc go

Sounds like a large part of the problem is the 6 year old being a total nightmare with teeth and suncream. Have you asked him when he is calm (i.e. not during sun cream time) what he doesn't like about it? Explain he has to have his teeth brushed etc and is there anything that would make it easier for him? Let him know it is non negotiable. I would use a reward chart for some time for not making a fuss.