To ask for your help to become organised, efficient and serene in the mornings if you have successfully changed your ways? I know it's been done before but I am desperate!

[ShoutyMcShoutFace]

I do enjoy reading all the home organisation / making mornings go smoothly threads, but have a serious problem putting any of the tips into action. I am starting to worry my kids are going to hate me due to the general stress, shouting, and chaos that seems to happen every morning in my house.

Firstly even getting to school on time seems a be a huge challenge we are increasingly failing. We never leave on time and the morning ends up with shouting 9 times out of 10. This is despite everyone often being up at 6 so I really don't know how it all goes so wrong. Everything seems to be fine until my husband leaves for work at which point we have 35 mins remaining to get out of the door. Weirdly on occasions where my husband has done the school run, everything seems to run swimmingly and they leave in plenty of time. So it must be me causing the issues, and I am desperate to stop it as I hate the shouty, stressed mum I have become. I am constantly repeating myself and FFS'ing under my breath.

My DS6 makes a massive fuss about teeth cleaning and suncream application. He just hates it and runs off pretending to hide, makes excuses and then eventually screams/whinges/cries throughout the process, then demands drinks / towels /wipes and is just basically rude and aggressive. I've totally run out of patience for this so just end up shouting back at him and muttering under my breath.

Yesterday after this routine he suggested "can we start again" - which is a phrase I had used previously to wipe the slate clean re behaviour - and to my shame I said, out loud to him, Christ no I'm not doing all that again, I actually wish I could speed time up until you are 15 and I don't have to clean your teeth .

He doesn't react like this to my husband -and just gets on with it (although suspect husband is less thorough).

We then have the usual last minute hunt for shoes / bookbag / hat which have no actual "place" to live so just get dumped randomly anywhere.

Secondly, when I get back from the school run, everything looks like total chaos. There is usually food left out, breakfast remnants wherever they were discarded, random items from around the house on the kitchen floor, normally one or more areas of spillage or food debris to clean up, shoes / socks/ hats / suncream / hair bobbles everywhere.

I work part time from home and seem to spend the vast majority of my "work" time doing tidying and organisation stuff at home (I wouldn't even call it housework/cleaning as it is more moving stuff/putting away laundry) meaning I then have to work late at night and/or get behind on work stuff and end up stressed about that.

On my working days, when my toddler is in childcare, it takes me at least 2 hours just to tidy to a basic presentable level - ie dishwasher loaded, food in bin, rubbish in bin, crumbs swept/floor wiped / surfaces clear, all random junk into a washing basket to be re-distributed to the correct room, beds made, clothes picked up from floors / put in washing bins, toothbrushes & toothpaste replaced, curtains opened, toilets flushed and bleached, bins emptied (nappies). This doesn't include any real cleaning or anything to actually improve the situation. Its just a reset.

I will then try and do as much laundry as possible because I find it hard to get it done with the toddler - she likes un-folding and un-putting away stuff. So I end up with several loads worth to put away which seems to take another hour or so - if put away properly. If I don't do this I end up with a big mangled pile of clean washing sat in a spare bedroom which everyone has to rummage through to find their own stuff which just ends up adding to the chaos in the mornings.

Other things I find hard with the toddler eg paperwork or bank admin stuff I will also try to get done while she is at nursery.

I will then tackle any housework jobs which are really screaming out for attention eg cleaning a bathroom or hoover/dusting. Nothing ever seems to get done until it is absolutely grim because that's the only thing that seems to push it up the priority list.

I've also got a huge to-do list of small annoying jobs which I try to tackle too - eg pick up prescription/get present for parties at weekend/book eye test etc etc.

On my non working days we will do something like playgroup or park in the morning, and then while toddler naps I will tackle the mess from the morning and maybe unload/reload dishwasher or prep for dinner, then she has lunch and the cycle starts again. I can never seem to get any new tasks done on these days - it is more damage recovery from the daily routine.

I'm aware this all sounds ridiculous as there are lots of parents out there with more kids or working full time who can manage all this, and I feel a bit pathetic at what it has come to, but I must be doing stuff really wrong to be chasing my tail this much and for the house to be in such a state constantly. Please help!

Devise a morning routine that everyone has to adhere to with times on , how old are your children and how many do you have , can the older ones help the younger ones , a basket near the front door would be useful for dumping school shoes , bags , hats etc so they can be found easily

DS, now 22, often says "what are you going to do, stop my sweeties?" You know if his case isn"t unpacked, when he got a piercing, broke a curfew for the first time.

Why is clearing up after breakfast such a big job? Do they walk around the house eating and drinking?

Not quite but DS sits at the breakfast bar and he does seem to get more food on the floor and surrounding area than in his mouth. DD starts off in a highchair but we end up getting her out as she will shout a LOT, and then does sometimes wander round with toast or something

Do you have too much stuff? Yes definitely. I did start trying to Kondo the house and made a bit of headway in some areas. Child related stuff just seems to multiply.

Have you asked him when he is calm (i.e. not during sun cream time) what he doesn't like about it? Explain he has to have his teeth brushed etc and is there anything that would make it easier for him? Let him know it is non negotiable.
I will do this tonight thank you. I know he hates the feeling of it but I don't think I have actually had a calm conversation with him about why.

a basket near the front door would be useful for dumping school shoes , bags , hats etc so they can be found easily
This is something I have tried to do before but unfortunately my DD likes taking things out of boxes and putting them back in and taking them out again over and over again however I am going to re-instate this for tonight while I get some pegs organised.

Re suncream - needs to be the aerosol dry mist one. My DS hated having it applied but would do his face himself if I sprayed his hands. Was worried it would go in his eyes.

A mum had roll-on suncream applicators at school the other day [rummages] www.solarbuddies.co.uk/

shouty my rule was always that good was eaten at the table. If they got down plates were cleared. Also, why is a six year old covering the area surrounding him with food. Food stays on the plate except to enter mouth. End of.

Ahh right ok thanks. I will add that to the list. Do you know if they do an 8 hr version?
I think I need to be more sympathetic, I know it doesn't feel nice to have sticky suncream applied. I just lose all perspective in the morning when in a rush. I am not the nice and patient mum I had hoped to be

I find eating breakfast with mine (or at least sitting at the table with them drinking tea and filling in school forms) helps mornings go better - they don't start messing around unchecked and we are more 'in tune' with each other than if I let them spray the kitchen with cereal eat independently.

Agree with the sitting down with them.

I do think getting up and showered first is the key. That peace of taking a moment at the start of the day with the first brew before they descend is a joy.

It's not forever OP.

Also, why is a six year old covering the area surrounding him with food. Food stays on the plate except to enter mouth.
Honestly I don't know. If I sit them both at the table together he makes more mess than the toddler. It might be to do with him focussing on the tv instead of looking at what he's doing. To be completely honest though, myself and DH often put the tv on as it will stop DS talking for 5 mins- he literally does not stop for breath otherwise. He will ask a question and instantly repeat it if you pause to actually think about the answer.
He starts before we are even awake and I think that might have something to do with my morning grumpiness.
I am going to have to warn DH not to put the telly on in the morning in accordance with new plan and I think he will cry.

Sounds like more than a morning routine you need a housework routine
I have a 19 month old, difficult 6 year old and a 7 year old so I can totally sympathise with the path of destruction they seem to create

But since I started a very basic housework routine (only a couple of weeks ago), everything is getting calmer, even bedtime and morning routines purely because there's no stress of finding things and things not being clean etc

Every day these three things are done no matter what;

• load and unload dishwasher
• do 1 load of washing and put yesterday's away
• 15 minute family tidy every evening

Then I have different jobs for each day of the week, so on a Sunday I iron then I know everyone has uniforms for the week, Monday's upstairs floors, Tuesday bathroom & food shop, Wednesday downstairs floors etc
Even if you miss a day, it doesn't matter because you know it won't be long until the job comes round again and it won't be in an unmanageable state

Morning wise - I get everyone completely ready before we come downstairs for breakfast in a morning, no faffing running up and downstairs, once you're down the only other place you're going is out the door
I put music on in a morning, that's the only thing that helped chivvy the 6 year old along, it was suggested to me on here actually, waking up to little mix just puts her in a much more co-operative mood for the day, but no TV or screens in a morning (except Bing when I need the toddler to just be still for a second!)
And definitely find a place for school bags and things, we have a little basket by the door and I just tell the toddler not to touch and it's become one of those things that he doesn't even try anymore like the oven or the dishwasher, if you move them away enough eventually they will just stop

I absolutely don't have my shot together as much as this post suggests and still shout some mornings, but these things have certainly helped things go smoother
Good luck!

With regards to having too much stuff, I had a massive declutter, and got rid of so much. It took weeks and I was absolutely ruthless. But it's made such a huge change to my life - my mind feels less cluttered too now that my living environment is organised. It's a massive ball-ache when you're doing it, but it's worth it. The kids (3 and 5) play much better with less toys - think they got a bit overwhelmed with it all beforehand.

Apart from this week when do they really need sun cream in the UK? Unless they are going to be out in it for an hour or two? DH is of the blondey/ginger freckly variety. He never wore sunscreen at school and never got sunburnt.

My step father is much more ginger and has spent hours and hours in the sun. In recent years he has had two tiny bits of sun damage removed from his ears and he's late 70s. From being in the sun a lot and not wearing a hat.

Children need a little sun. Lack of it is causing problems with vitamin d.

That's why mine didn't get tv until they were breakfasts, toothed, haired, hands and faces washed and dressed. They need followed through consequences op

I found sandtimers helped with my DC when they were younger because they have no real sense of time passing. I would give them 10 mins to eat breakfast and put the timer on the table for them,

Organising things the night before is important. Also we have a weekly timetable on the fridge with kit requirements etc. I have two yr 5 and yr 9 and the different permutations of what they need is mindboggling.
I also agree that having a place for things makes a big difference, we have child height coat pegs, a shoe rack and a place for bags. We have a drawer for spare stationery and shelves for reading books. We even have a chest of drawers which is used solely for school uniform for the 2 of them - uniform in the top two drawers and sports kit in the bottom 2.

Everything done the night before. You need clothes out including socks and pants, packed bags by the front door. Cereal in bowls with spoon, toothbrushes up and down stairs, PE bags and school bags packed and sitting by the front door, dishwasher on the night before and unpacked before you go to bed. No goong downstairs in pyjamas in the morning and no Tv Until everything is done. We get up at 7 and are all out the house with all beds made and a load of washing on every morning by 8. It's military organisation and not allowing anyone upstairs after they have come down