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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she's an insensitive cow?!

31 replies

Ameliajc · 21/06/2017 10:04

I have this work colleague, due to the nature of our job we have to work together, I'm nice to everyone no matter how they act as I just think it's easier to get on with job in work especially due to the amount of time I spent with them.

There's a group of 5 of us, who regularly go out for dinner to celebrate birthdays etc (This work colleague has somehow moved into this group). Recently DD was at a sleep over with her cousins and her uncle a former A&E doctor noticed corcerning symptoms after a while things didn't improve so they rushed DD in A&E at about 4am obviously I rang into work and explain that I wouldn't be able to go in.

I get several texts including one from said colleague and it's worded like "what has happened to you?" I didn't bother replying to anyone until much later that day, I replied to other colleagues about how DD had ended up in hospital (With Uti that had developed to a kidney infection/blood poisoning) but because she regularly spreads gossips I just texted her "my daughter is not well".

She replies "Hope you're still coming to Lisa's birthday dinner" and then I get a text from another colleague saying she said "I'd make up anything for a day off" and she saw DD at a park when she was dropping her children off when I have 2 daughters!! (And one is 3 and was at the park with her granny, but why is she going out her her way to make me look like a liar) I'm rarely not in work and a couple of weeks ago, she took off 4 days for having a sore toe!!!!!!!!

Bored and still in the hospital I was scrolling through Facebook and she's posted "so thankful my girls are healthy and happy that's all A mother can ask for in life" with a photo of her kids doing superman poses!!!! This was literally posted after I told her DD was unwell.

To make things even worst I lost my dad to cancer on Christmas Day last year and for Father's Day she's posted this whole essay about how she loves her dad and the kids love their grand dad and then she's tagged me in the bottom " my heart goes out to my friend xxxxx who unfornately lost her dad this year xxxxx" excuse me but my dad died last year 2016 and why would you do that? Only to make herself loook better I suppose!!!

Is she unaware at how horrible and insensitive she can be sometimes?

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 21/06/2017 10:07

Block her on fb. .
Mentally class her as a work colleague from now on and nothing more.

Accept the lunch invites but cut short any personal questions she fires at you.

MissionItsPossible · 21/06/2017 10:08

Sounds like she has a complete lack of self-awareness but I wouldn't necessarily call it horrible. Insensitive, yes though.

Rubyslippers7780 · 21/06/2017 10:10

Unfriend her or hide her feed on facebook. Ignore her nonsense. She is not really your friend.

HundredMilesAnHour · 21/06/2017 10:13

Urgh, she's awful and totally insensitive, especially the tagging for Father's Day which is whole new level of insensitive. But to be honest, a LOT of people are completely insensitive about these things and have huge double standards. They just don't get it.

I lost my mother and find Mother's Day and Christmas particularly difficult. But people are wrapped up in their own lives and don't think about how insensitive they're being - unless they've been through something similar themselves. I found the huge outpouring of "I love my Dad" on Facebook on Father's Day so insensitive that I actually ignored Facebook that day as it made me quite angry (just because I know how much it hurts to have lost my Mum and I felt bad for what people without their Dads must be going through reading the sickly, fawning Father's Day posts).

Suggest you change your privacy settings on Facebook so she can't tag you.

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2017 10:13

It all sounds a bit juvenile tbh.

Why you would want her as a Facebook friend is beyond me.

Block and move on. Yes you have to work with her, but that's where it ends.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 21/06/2017 10:14

She sounds a bit psycho actually; self-centered and getting pleasure from your situations. On the off chance the superman picture is just a coincidence, she obviously isn't a friend as didn't have your feelings in mind. I would second flapjacks and unfollow her. She clearly isn't a friend so you shouldn't treat her like one.

Hope your DD is doing OK today Flowers

DirtyChaiLatte · 21/06/2017 10:18

The Facebook post about your father was definitely insensitive, but at a stretch you could say that she maybe didn't do it on purpose to be mean. On the other hand calling you a liar to other colleagues for taking a day off work is definitely horrible. She doesn't know what management might hear her and believe her, which could have repercussions for your job.

She's clearly not very nice person. I would just be polite on the surface, block her on Facebook and distance yourself the rest of the time.

bungle99 · 21/06/2017 10:19

She is very insensitive. No one reasonable expects someone to go out in evening when their child is ill, and it's shit to imply you were lying about it.
Hide her feed on facebook. YANBU

FancyThatFenceEdge · 21/06/2017 10:29

She's not insensitive.

She's a thundercunt. Block, ignore and dont waste even an atom on her any further.

SapphireStrange · 21/06/2017 10:38

The Facebook post about your father was definitely insensitive, but at a stretch you could say that she maybe didn't do it on purpose to be mean. On the other hand calling you a liar to other colleagues for taking a day off work is definitely horrible

I agree with this. How dare she call you a liar? I'd have no problem asking her to explain herself about that one face to face.

And obviously block her on social media.

allwornout0 · 21/06/2017 10:40

I think she is very insensitive, but probably doesn't realize how bad she is.
I also think that people like your other colleague who text you to tell you what she said are just as bad. They could have just stood up for you to them not go round like a little tell tale titt. It's just making more problems.

Willow2017 · 21/06/2017 10:42

I dont do confrontation as a rule, I am a real woose but I would be marching straight up to her on my return to work and calling her out on what she said about you and your DDs in front of everyone. She really needs to know that gossiping and spreading false info about work colleagues is not on and nip this in the bud now. I think she is trying to ingratiate herself with the others at your expense.

Plus I would be emailing my manager as soon as you can and telling them what she has been saying. This could have had repurcussions on your job, its not remotely funny or 'just a bit of banter'.

Hope your DD is feeling better and gets home pdq Flowers

hmcAsWas · 21/06/2017 10:52

Ugh - she's awful! I agree with JustMadePerfectFlapjacks

I hope your dd is on the mend. Must have been a scare!

sodablackcurrant · 21/06/2017 11:03

Facebook is dangerous.

So glad I never joined up. So many troubles arise from it.

Either close your account or block her. Keep your distance from now on.

Original poster
Ameliajc · 21/06/2017 11:05

DD is home from hospital she came home after 9 days but is still off school but have gotten her work sheets from school and she'll do about 3/4 hours of work a day.

I don't really like confronting people… but I do feel like sending her a message or saying something to her. She's a bit of a nightmare to say the least other colleagues have lost it and shouted at her (one even took all the wires out of the dish washer because she'd leave her work to put about 3 mugs in it and waste as much time as possible!) DP is outraged and wanted me to comment on her Facebook posts.

She's also accused 4 different colleagues (1 has now left) of bullying her!

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 21/06/2017 11:06

Oh dear she sounds gormless.

"It's all about meeeeeee!"

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2017 11:07

Facebook is not 'dangerous'. It's just a very popular website. How others choose to use it can be problematic though - much the same as any social media platform.

I wouldn't be marching up to anyone without checking facts though. Firstly I'd want to start with the person who told you what she has apparently said.

What was their response just out of interest, when she said it to them?

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2017 11:08

DP is outraged and wanted me to comment on her Facebook posts.

Seriously?

araiwa · 21/06/2017 11:09

You need to make it clear to your boss what has happened including the fact that your other daughter was seen out so that you dont face any longer term issues.

The thing about facebook and your dad im not sure - i wouldnt have done it but unless youre sure she was being nasty i would try to put it down to her trying to be nice but in a misguided manner

GabsAlot · 21/06/2017 11:18

you need to talk to your bosses about your situation an her gossiping

she souns like an attention seeker who is very insecure

WhatchaMaCalllit · 21/06/2017 11:27

I'm pleased to see your update where your DD is home from hospital and on the road to recovery.

If I were you I'd compile a list of the things that this employee has done in the past (don't go back too far as each event tends to lose impact over time). Document everything. Then make an appointment (so that the other party can't say they have to skip off to another meeting) to see her manager. Outline that this is not a case of bullying but a case where the employee has wasted time, been rude to staff, not carried out her duties, gossiped about things she has no knowledge of, wasted time, falsely accused a member of staff of bullying, and oh yeah, wasting time.

Time for it to go on her record and for her to get at least a formal warning about her conduct.

BangkokBlues · 21/06/2017 11:45

Just unfriend her on FB.

Original poster
Ameliajc · 21/06/2017 11:58

araiwa I doubt she'd go to the boss about seeing my other daughter I made it clear to my boss it was the eldest and said I'd bring in a letter from the A&E. I was told I didn't need to hand a letter as they didn't doubt that DD was ill.

Apparently she's being moved to another department but she's already complaining about it she'd like a higher paid job in her current department one similar to mine but she doesn't have the right experience or a degree and I think others would be completely outraged if she got any other positions.

I have hidden her posts on my Facebook and changed the privacy so she's an acquaintance and she can't tag me in anything!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/06/2017 12:19

And the person who told you what she said?

Have you asked them how they responded?

Did they even respond or is there a possibility they're shit stirring?

Original poster
Ameliajc · 21/06/2017 13:42

WorraLiberty I've been told by 3 different colleagues

My colleague who's genuinely my friend and has been for about 10 years our daughters play together all the time she even came to visit DD in hospital with cards her girls had made and sweets. She said she was shocked when this woman claiming to have seen DD and told her she must have made a mistake.

This colleague does not like her either. Another colleague messaged me "What did you do to X? She's got it in for you" then went on to tell me all she's said which was pretty much the same thing I've already heard. Similar story with another colleague!

Doesn't surprise me she has opinions on everyone most of the time it's completely hypocritical saying other people are lazy and never pay for tea or coffee (when she NEVER pays, and regularly eats other people's toast/crisps/cupcakes etc)!!!!!!

OP posts: