To think my FIL's comments are inappropriate...

[TimtheEnchanter]

My FIL always ALWAYS comments on my figure. I'm 38 weeks pregnant with second DC and this time, just like the first, he has given his opinion on my bump, its position, my weight etc everytime i see him. He does it when I am not pregnant aswell to the point that I make sure I am well covered up when he's coming cus it gets on my nerves. Its not done in an insulting way but I find it weird that he pays so much attention to it.
This weekend I was wearing a dress cus it's so hot, knee length and t shirt style so not revealing, and after looking at me intently for a few seconds he said, out of nowhere, 'have you got varicose veins?' I haven't by the way, which I think makes it an even stranger thing to ask.
Previous examples include, asking me, once again out of nowhere, 'Since you had DC1 have your hips spread?'
A week after my DC was born, he asked in a room full of DH's family 'have you made much milk?'
When we told him I was expecting he said 'and I've been thinking all day how thin you look'.
He also comments a lot on women's figures in general, for example if you say you like a singer, he will immediately comment on her figure.
Every time he comes round, I grit my teeth waiting for the inevitable comment on how my body looks, it irritates me. Is it as weird as I think or AIBU? Genuinely want to know.

[NC4now]

Is MIL on the scene? Any way of engineering a conversation about it with her, so she can have a word?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

"Let's go ask DH what he thinks" and repeat to DH every time. He will comment on the DC so it need dealt with now.

[NC4now]

I say that as a massive over sharer. I'd feel uncomfortable about those comments too.

[Donttouchthethings]

I wouldn't like this either.

Is it wrong that my first thought was to wonder if he used to be in farming?

[2017SoFarSoGood]

I would be incredibly freaked out if this were me. Not at all appropriate and needs to stop. I would not ask DH to handle this one but would instead simply - and very directly - tell FIL he makes me feel very uncomfortable when he refers to my body, and it needs to stop. No beating around the bush. He clearly knows what he is doing. Don't let him intimidate you further.

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

If he does it when your dh is out of the room then every time he does it wait for your dh to come in the room and tell him

"Your father was just asking if my hips have spread"

Doesn't have to be nasty or confrontational, do it in more of a factual, involving him in the conversation way. Your fil will surely stop once he sees the confused look your dh gives him and your dh will know what he is saying

[2017SoFarSoGood]

or what WellErr said. That's actually what I wanted to say

[TimtheEnchanter]

MIL passed away three years ago but I don't think she would think it was weird TBH.
I am honestly not trying to drip feed but she used to make comments too.
Example, not long after I moved in with DH, I gained a couple of pounds from generally eating crap and big meals etc. I'm very small, hovering around 8 stone so even a pound or two is noticeable. Anyway, at this time we went round for dinner and I declined pudding saying I was on a bit of a diet and she said 'oh that's right, me and FIL were only discussing last night how much weight you've put on!!'
I fucking had pudding after that.

[TimtheEnchanter]

Some great replies on here by the way! 😂😂 thanks all.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

If he comments when you're DH isn't around, then you can reply, when DH isn't around.Ask him if he means to be so very rude, and that you find his comments creepy, eugh.
He may, or may not, think twice.

[Aquamarine1029]

Oh gross. You need to tell your husband out this. Your father-in-law is beyond disturbing. The comments and trying to come over when he knows your husband isn't there?? He sounds like a pervert. You need to put a stop to this.

[BunsOfAnarchy]

Is it weird that I felt a touch violated just reading this?

You need to talk to your other half. I know it's hard. I know he may get upset. But the next remark just tell OH straight up that FIL said something really off key and you feel really weird that he commented on your body and it's something you don't feel comfortable with. Your still being tactful by doing that right?

[Italiangreyhound]

SofaToad, my hero, great comments.

Agree with 2017SoFarSoGood, "Don't let him intimidate you further."

If he only does it when your dh is not around then he does know what he is doing.

[TimtheEnchanter]

i think I am going to do as PP said and involve my DH in the conversation everytime he does it. My DH will probably be horrified to be honest.

[LookMoreCloselier]

I think I would answer each time with 'I don't know, why are you asking that?!' although I love sofatoad's suggestion of answering a different question

[Giraffey1]

It really does sound rather creepy. I think, hard though it might be, you need to tell him every time he dies this that you find this a rather rude / persons like / odd question or comment and either change the subject, or simply leave the room. If he only does it when DH isn't around then you can be sure he know he is overstepping the mark!

[Ceto]

Challenge him on it every time. "Why on earth would you want to know how much milk I'm producing? And why do you only ask these personal questions when DH isn't here?"

[Giraffey1]

• does this

[TimtheEnchanter]

He has the bumbling, old, socially awkward thing down to a tee so perhaps that's why I was doubting myself.
You are all right though, he does know what he is doing and I do need to say something. Hearing your reactions has got me feeling angry and stupid that I haven't called him on it yet.

[PigletJohn]

Ask him how often he has to pee during the night, and when he last had a prostate check.

I think his hair is thinning faster, don't you? I believe Regaine is very good if you start it early enough.

With that belly, shouldn't he be wearing braces now? The belt doesn't seem to be working properly.

Has he tried a deodorising foot spray? It can be very helpful for the older man.

etc

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I like Cetos answer tbh.

I would probably stick to saying 'WHAT?' in a loud voice, accompanied by a disgusted look and then adding. 'Jesus!' whilst shaking my head in amazement.

Simply repeat every single time he says anything in the slightest bit inappropriate as though you can't believe what a weird freak he is...

[livefornaps]

Ugh, gross!!!!? Don't even answer, just look at him and revel in the silence. Twat. As long as you reply, you will normalise it. Give NO RESPONSE. Then he will have to figure it out. Just look at him like he's just said something in a language you don't understand & hold your ground. No response to that sexist shit ever! Let him be baffled .

[Italiangreyhound]

Nocabbie "Your fil will surely stop once he sees the confused look your dh gives him and your dh will know what he is saying"

The trouble is the OP has said "My DH is wildly protective of his dad, they've had a tough few years with lots of deaths in the family, so I haven't said too much, when I have said 'your dad always comments on how I look' he just looks perplexed and I leave it."

So her dh could end up 'colluding' in these inappropriate conversations for fear of upsetting his dad.

I'm really not sure it matters what your deceased MIL would or would no have said or what she would feel, or even what your dh feels. You feel uncomfortable. You need to either ignore all comments so it is pointless him making them, or miss hear and have a laugh at his expense or simply say "Your comments on my figure are inappropriate and I won't be engaging on this topic anymore." Then go broken record.

I would also be careful giving FIL access to kids, not because he would necessarily do anything but because he may well say totally inappropriate thing s that break down your kids natural barriers about what is and is not appropriate.

I'd like to be able to say your dh should deal with this, but I really feel it will be more empowering for you to deal with your FIL and if this leads to any issues just make it clear to your dh you would rather he saw his dad and didn't include you (unless it includes the kids).

[AnotherOneBitesTheMustard]

That's so creepy. Made my skin crawl just reading it. I do understand why you don't want to tell your dh too much. Wouldn't be nice for him to find out his dad's a perv. If fil makes the comments when dh isn't around, he obviously knows it's not on. Maybe next time you should just say "I've noticed you comment on my body a lot. I'd rather you didn't." or something like that... I'm not great with words. Or every time he says something, turn it back on him. Eg. "You look like you've gained weight, dil." "I was just thinking the same about you fil, you really should cut down on the pies. Are those new wrinkles on your forehead?".

[TimtheEnchanter]

I probably won't see him now til after this baby is born but that will be the perfect time to confront it. He will no doubt have a flurry of personal questions. 😒😡