To be proud of my marriage

[sheIliecat]

This is embarrassing.

For ages I felt like the only good thing I had to be proud of was marrying a 'good catch.'

How stupid was I

I know I was unreasonable. But was I alone?

I am proud of the man I am marrying. Not in the fact that he is a good catch, blah blah blah but I am proud of his achievements.

OP your post is a little unclear. Do you mean you now realise that you have other things you are proud of? Or do you mean your DH hasn't turned out to be such a 'good catch' after all?

Can you provide any more information op?

Well yes I suppose partly that the idol had feet of clay.

But I feel stupid for accepting so much shit because I thought that was the best I could do. Better than I could hope for.

What's the story here ?

Has DH done something? Or is this just a realisation that he was never all that in the first place?

Are you still married?

I'm baffled

Pressed post too soon. No one is being unreasonable to be proud of their marriage. Marriage and long term relationships are hard work.

Sorry ... I will try and explain.

So when I was younger (a lot younger, a teenager still) I thought I was ugly and thick and would never get a boyfriend. My parents kept me very young and I got a bit of teasing at school and I responded by being a bit of a clown. Not elegant and feminine!

Then I did get a boyfriend. And (I was VERY young!) it was something to feel proud of. I couldn't be that ugly or stupid if he liked me.

But he hit me and he did horrible things to me and I put up with it because if I chucked him I was back to being the old me and (I thought) I'd never ever get anyone else.

So I married him.

I'm a twat.

No, you're not a twat, you're someone who's self esteem has been crushed.

Are you still together or have you realised that you are worth more and you can get out of this?

Hanging on by a thread.

It gets so very hard as you get older.

Does he still hit you?

Massive drip feed that contains info that's very different from your original post title.

How old are you? Try relate?

Not really, MissSmiley, it was generally when I was younger

You are not 'proud of your marriage'.
You are getting what self-esteem you have from being a married woman.
Because we have been socialised to see 'married' as superior to being single.
Even 'married+abused+unhappy' is somehow 'better' than being single.

Love, please seeks some help.
You do not have to live like this.
You ARE worth more.

If anything HE's the twat, OP! Also, as per your description he doesn't deserve you and has done better than he ever should have.

You say he hit you and has done horrible things. FWIW, that makes him an abusive arse and these surely deserve noone at all. Whereas you deserve someone who actually treats you with respect.

Just pointing out the very obvious.

BTW, being alone is not that bad. I've stopped dating men who don't meet my (admittedly high) standards because I've found I'm happier on my own than with someone who's not quite the thing ...

Thanks,
For being nice.

It's an embarrassing thing to admit

So what are the good parts of your marriage? It sounds as though you deserve so much better. Do you want to build another life away from him?

Sometimes I think I do but I don't know who I am away from him.

Oh Shellie at least you know now right? You can still have a great life, get rid of the shit head

How old are you now? How long have you been married? Do you have children?

Knowing now just makes me feel so ashamed.

I want to paint myself as the victim but really I was a smug little madam.

It's embarrassing and shameful for him, not you