To think "I have anxiety" is becoming the new 'go to' armchair diagnosis?

[ClothEaredBint]

I'm saying this as someone who actually has an Anxiety Disorder, diagnosed, medicated, lived with it for 20 years and which has a serious impact on my ability to function day to day..

I seem to be spotting it being thrown out like a disclaimer for peoples neurotic behaviour on here just lately, and its really actually starting to get on my fucking nerves.

Yes, you might be anxious, it does NOT mean you HAVE Anxiety.

Anxiety is a recognised mental health disorder that seriously affects peoples ability to function, it filters into every aspect of their lives.

Claiming you 'have anxiety' when something is worrying you is as offensive to those of us who actually DO have it as saying 'a little bit OCD' when you like something done a specific way, or 'a little bit depressed' when you're a bit sad about something.

Stop it.

You're minimising a very real and very upsetting disorder that people actually suffer with.

Yes sadsquid that was my point. Op you seemed to say that unless you have an official diagnosis then you're clearly making it up and that all these people self-diagnosing are clearly talking bollocks and making it up for shit and giggles. But you don't know what is going on inside people's heads.

Also, attempts to police language like this around mental illness are doomed to failure imo because diagnosed conditions are extreme versions of brain malfunctions (for want of a better word) that have fairly universal currency as descriptions of confusing and frightening feelings about the world. People use the language of mental illness because it feels the most appropriate set of terms to use, and we don't have a sufficiently strong-sounding alternative available. Saying 'I feel a bit depressed at the moment' doesn't mean you have clinical depression, but it does imo still says something more than 'I'm sad today'. Likewise talking of 'minor' anxiety is not just saying something like 'I feel anxious about my upcoming operation', as you claimed. It's more along the lines of 'I feel irrationally fearful about xyz'. Anxiety is a good term for that feeling, trying to keep its use to clinically-defined conditions is just going on a hiding to nothing.

I do understand what you are saying but it's just how language is used we only have to look at how Frued has left his mark on the English language. Mental Health is thankfully been spoken about more openly this is going to lead to people using the language more but more importantly allowing people to be more open in how they feel and engage with mh support

But a remark that can so easily be dismissed as flippant could be someone comunicating in some way to you or to others they are really struggling a few minutes of listening rather than dismissing what could be taken as a flippant remark could mean something to them

it's hard even for mental health professionals to always understand what someone is trying to communicate and people will go to extraordinary lengths to hide their feelings for many reasons feeling vulnerable, non trusting professionals, not wanting to waste time when others are more in need are just a few reasons people will come up with

Freud

Not Frued ...

I agree- I'm a pretty anxious person i.e. if my favourite tv show is on in the evening, I often find myself anxious in the morning. I mean, I know it's because I'm excited about it, but it manifests itself as anxiety. However, that anxiety doesn't stop me from going about my day as I normally would.

I can also get really worked up about certain things such as hospital visits, but I know there is a legitimate reason behind my nerves. I admit I don't know too much about anxiety disorders but I think I'm right in saying that (unlike my legitimate worries) people suffering from them find themselves really anxious when they have no need to be. (I understand that I'm probably massively simplifying it, so I apologise. Also please let me know if I'm wrong.)

I've always been this way- my mum has said more than once I used to end up feeling really ill due to anxiety/excitement about things such as christmas, my birthday, and going back to school after holidays. My grandma is really similar with things like going to the doctors so I think it's just a trait I inherited from her.

However, I know that while I may have an anxious nature, I don't have anxiety. And I wouldn't ever say that I do have anxiety, because I know I don't. I'd just say I'm a naturally anxious person, and I know that while certain things can make it really bad (I'm pretty sure I had an anxiety attack once the night before a hospital appointment) it doesn't affect my day to day life. My anxious nature is nowhere near bad enough for a doctor to diagnose me with anxiety, because it doesn't massively impact me. I know this, and I'm glad because I've read quite a lot of stories from people with anxiety and how it affects them, and I would hate to have it. Hugs to all you unlucky people who do, and I want to say that in my opinion you're much stronger than most people realise you are, and I really admire you.

People are deliberately misunderstanding what the OP is saying I think.

The examples from MN that I, for example, was thinking of, go something like this:

"AIBU- this fucking bitch of a woman told my son of for and I fucking let rip at her. Her and her old git of a husband stormed off saying "god, people today" WIBU to tell the old cow to FOTTFSOF? I have anxiety so that's maybe why I get so upset when people tell my child off"

Followed by anyone daring to say she was BU being jumped on with a "did you miss the bit where the OP says she has anxiety?" whilst the OP herself seems anything but anxious in her obnoxious replies to anyone daring to question her judgement.

It's that sort of thing. Anxiety (which our obnoxious putative OP of my pretend thread there may, or may not have) which is being used as a defence for nasty behaviour, and opinions.

I didn't (and don't) read the OP as meaning that people with anxiety need a dx before they can say they have it. But certainly on here, and certainly on AIBU it seems to be the default disclaimer inserted into every OP where the OP fears a MN backlash. Generally, because their OP is so U it beggars belief.

As well as what Vintage said, it does annoy me when people think that their anxiety is everybody else's problem to manage. It's one thing to be sensitive to people's problems and help out and accommodate where you can. It's another to expect schools to alter their timings and exit routes, airport lounges to deny access to children when they would normally be allowed, or brides and grooms to plan their wedding days specifically around one guest....because of anxiety. (All things I have seen on here.)

You can't help having the disorder, but it's your responsibility to manage it.

Having a specific diagnosis and medication doest make it more 'real'.

But, armchair diagnosis is a bit of an issue on MN from the amount of MIL/ex that are narcisists, how many children have undiagnosed ADHD etc.

I think people trivialise elements of mental health. A couple of years back there was have someone at school who claimed debilitating anxiety (not going into details on a public site obviously, but our evidence said otherwise). Home were pushing and pushing. We said they had to take the child to a GP to get the ball rolling for assessment. They said they didn't want to to that and wanted to know what extras the child could have 'without a formal diagnosis'.

It makes a mockery of parents of children with MH and SEND needs who are fighting the system to have their needs met to have other openly asking school what access arrangements can be given "but we don't want to get them diagnosed".

I developed (diagnosed) anxiety during my last pregnancy the can't eat can't sleep effects everything kind luckily it seems to be fading. I wouldn't say I have anxiety any more but I do get anxious much more frequently than I used to.

I think if you have never had real all consuming anxiety you couldn't understand how bad it can be and wouldn't see the difference.

That is a good point Andit
To be fair on those who may be claiming 'anxiety' when they are really just having a normal reaction to a stressful situation, they may genuinely thing that is what an AD feels like.

Most people experience feelings of anxiety at some point in their lives so I can see why they think they know what it is.

But if the feelings I and others on this thread had were 'typical' and 'normal' they would not require a dx and treatment.

Its embarrassing have an AD. I find it embarrassing anyway. It makes me feel a bloody idiot. Weak and stupid. I am very grateful I am so much better than I was.

OP, we are not all responding to your OP: some of us have been responding (and making that quite clear) to other posters making general statements like "oh x can't possibly be a panic attack because this is what a panic attack looks like" or "people who haven't been diagnosed shouldn't lay claim to anything".

That is allowed on MN: it's a discussion thread, a conversation. Discussions move on. This one is moving in all sorts of different directions. As the OP you don't get to control that.

As I get older and now as I raise my own kids I feel very blessed not to suffer from anxiety. And also feel very worried that my kids might. I think it's a chronic and increasingly common illness and frequently wonder how to protect them from it.

I think modern life has many psychological pressures, social media adds to that, the loss of community affecting people's stability and sense of belonging, family structures and pressures on modern families to earn and do it all....maybe leads to children raised in an environment that's feeds anxiety and permenantly damages their mental health. I'd be interested to know what other people think about this?

Is there any way to protect kids from anxiety disorders? I've wondered if teaching them meditation and coping mechanisms for life might help, stable and happy home, involvement in communities so they can have strong self identities and resources to draw on in difficult times.

I know some may feel angry that I'm not just recognising it's a mental health problem and nobodies fault which I do believe, but I'm wondering if some cases of it can be environmental and therefore carefully managed to avoid?

One of my children struggles with anxiety and depression

They tick all the boxes and has from a young age

They has not been formally diagnosed but medication has been mentioned and they have received CBT

This sort of thread worries me slightly as some posters (and I appreciate that some people are fucking stupid and some playing the system so it msut be frustrating for someone with a formal diagnosis) seem to be saying that its only anxiety and depression if a,b and c happen

I think most people appreciate that its on a spectrum and in some people the feelings can come and go

I feel very guilty that i left it too late to get my child extra help in exams, I dismissed it partly because they did not seem to have it badly...it was just how they were...their personality

I think I'm right in saying that (unlike my legitimate worries) people suffering from them find themselves really anxious when they have no need to be.

I think it can also entail a disproportionate anxiety response to legitimate worries. For example, a couple of years ago I had a stressful situation where our house purchase was hopelessly delayed and our landlord was making noises about chucking us out. DH and I were both horribly stressed, but only I had panic attacks for the best part of a year over it, even after we bought the new house and moved in. A lot of my memories of baby DS are of trying not to drop him or throw up on him! So it was a big legitimate worry, but also I didn't actually need to freak out like the house was full of hungry lions.

It takes many forms, but the level of impact on your day-to-day functioning is the big decider of whether it 'counts' as illness or not, IMO. Even if someone's not at that level, knowing they tend to react with anxiety is still a bit of useful self-awareness and might be relevant to a thread they've posted.

Also op to be fair the title of your thread involves the terms 'armchair diagnosis, which certainly implies that you think anxiety only counts if it is 'officially' diagnosed. In the case of anxiety, it isn't exactly rocket science to identify the symptoms - armchair diagnosis is likely to be reasonably accurate.

I don't know why it would matter to you? Also how do you know who's anxiety is or isn't more valid than the other?

I have diagnosed anxiety too. And I feel people who say they do that just get a bit anxious at times gives people with real anxiety a bad name.
I've been told many of times to stop taking my meds because the person knew someone who got over anxiety by yoga and stuff!!!

All the talk about anxiety on Mumsnet actually helped me go to the doctors and get treatment.

I had health anxiety. It is so much worse than hypocondria.

I became convinced that I had a certain disease. I was obsessed with it. Spent hours researching it, reading about it, instead of interacting with my family. My worst point was walking my DS to school and visualising him standing by my death bed and crying in the street. I developed actual physical symptoms of the disease, which I now realise were psychosomatic. I started feeling violent - my body seemed to be in fight or flight mode, and I felt frightened of myself and what I might do to anyone who got in my way. I stopped seeing people and talking to people and just retreated into myself.

Went to the doctors, and a course of fluoxetine (prozac) for a year actually sorted me out. I actually can't believe what I was like, looking back.

(I think the Health Anxiety actually relates to control - my children growing up and losing control when they went to school was the trigger. I don't fully understand why I reacted that way, but I did.)

But yes, the talk on Mumsnet helped me to see what was wrong with me. So I hope this thread doesn't put people off talking about it.

(I would add , I was made to feel guilty by a CBT practitioner that I didn't have "real" anxiety - who is anyone to make that judgment?)

Totally disagree. I think a lot of people do have anxiety and depression which has not been formally diagnosed, to what degree people can function in life varies from person to person.

I am glad so many people talk about it now. I have had insomnia off and on all my life and other symptoms which I now recognise as anxiety and depression. I thought I was just a bit crap for years, which of course adds to it. Knowing actually what it is, and how to deal with it has actually made the symptoms a lot better, but also to recognise early when it's all coming on. It's all pretty mild compared with what some people go through, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist or isn't worth talking about.

People aren't either MENTALLY ILL or NOT MENTALLY ILL. You should be aware of your own mental health which for most people can deteriorate and get better in the same way as physical health can.

Actually I should say mine was formally diagnosed by a GP recently, though I am not on a formal treatment plan as she was happy with what I was doing myself already. I went in and had an ECG as I was having something similar to heart attack symptoms. Thank goodness my heart is ok, and that it was "just" anxiety.

I suffer badly with this but I'm better on medication. I have only ever met a couple of people that actually suffer with anxiety but it seems to be everywhere online

Trust me people, you don't want to have anxiety, it's not cool or fashionable - it's absolutely shit.

What would you say to someone who displayed symptoms of a physical illness, say asthma? Would you encourage them to seek treatment ?

I find this thread upsetting

Started by someone who has diagnosed anxiety, belittling other people with the same exact condition

No wonder there is so much misunderstanding about mental health issues if suffers are happy to call each other out about not having apparent 'real anxiety'. Can I tell you, you cannot claim to know how another person feels or how they are suffering!!

There are lots of people who get up every morning, and through palpitations and panic attacks, get to work, force their way through a working day on the verge of tears, and drive home again struggling to breathe with a tight throat and get up again the next morning and do it all again after a sleepless night.

I find Ops attitude astounding!

There are lots of people who get up every morning, and through palpitations and panic attacks, get to work, force their way through a working day on the verge of tears, and drive home again struggling to breathe with a tight throat and get up again the next morning and do it all again after a sleepless night.

Exactly this.

I have diagnosed anxiety. I've had it for my entire life. I'm not medicated because I don't want to be, and use CBT to manage it. But if it ever starts controlling my life again I will consider medicating.

However, I had no idea that people may be judging me when I say I have anxiety. And that in itself raises my anxiety level. Brilliant.