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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if a first date goes well, you kiss?

26 replies

Kezi4 · 20/06/2017 11:28

Please settle a debate!

My friend is a serial dater who has a long history of only liking women who aren't interested. He always thinks first dates have gone excellently, despite a complete lack of physical contact, then is shocked by the 'let's just be friends' text. I think a kiss at the end of a first date is a way to signify you're both interested - doesn't have to be a full-on snog.

AIBU?

OP posts:
nina2b · 20/06/2017 11:33

Erm - not necessarily!

19lottie82 · 20/06/2017 11:34

I don't know. Some people "don't kiss on the first date", while others do and not kissing would be a sign that it hasn't gone well.

There isn't a singular rule you can apply.

SoThisIsSummer · 20/06/2017 11:34

No I disagree. It happens when it happens after a first date your still virtual strangers wouldnt you usually - unless its mad instant attraction want to get to know someone first?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 20/06/2017 11:35

YABU. There are lots of reasons why people might not kiss at the end of a date; doesn't mean it didn't go well.

What an odd opinion you hold Confused

Pinkheart5912 · 20/06/2017 11:35

Not necessarily No

Not everyone wants to kiss on a first date
Some people are too shy on the first date

I don't think it means someone doesn't like you if they don't kiss you

Tigger83 · 20/06/2017 11:37

We didn't... now engaged Grin

Original poster
Kezi4 · 20/06/2017 11:39

Oh, IABU then Grin

All the successful first dates I have been on have involved something along the lines of dinner and drinks, then a kiss at the end. If at the end of the date there'd been no physical contact at all and we'd made no plan to meet again, I'd feel we had no chemistry and assume he wasn't interested.

OP posts:
Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 20/06/2017 11:44

If you date a lot, like I did at one stage, you don't want to kiss everyone who seems vaguely nice on a first date. If he's very keen though, he should ask them out by the end of the first date/immediately afterwards on a second. That way he signals he likes them without plunging at them when they are not keen. This also gives them a way out if they don't fancy snogging him.

Original poster
Kezi4 · 20/06/2017 11:50

Four I agree but he's a strange one; he dates a lot but seems to only like the ones who aren't interested.

If he kisses (or more) after the first date, he never seems bothered about pursuing it, but if the woman shows absolutely no interest, he gets really keen, waits a few days, then is upset when they decline the second date.

He's been like this for years now and I'm not really sure what to say to him. He'd love to have a girlfriend.

OP posts:
BadLad · 20/06/2017 11:52

DW and I shook hands after our first date.

arcticnead1984 · 20/06/2017 12:12

I've been quite a few dates this year and the only one where we kisse don the first date was very awkward. I wasn't expecting it and he went in for a kiss on the lips..I thought cheek..omg...I feel nauseous even thinking about it.

It's too awkward as you've no idea if the other person fancies you or will reciprocate..!

Also PP is correct..youre still virtual strangers. Better to wait until end of 2nd date :)

AtHomeDadGlos · 20/06/2017 12:13

If a first date goes really well you do more than just kiss! Wink

ThanksMsMay · 20/06/2017 12:16

I'd expect to give a kiss on the cheek at least

kaytee87 · 20/06/2017 12:19

My husband and I didn't kiss until our third date, didn't have sex for a while after that too. Been together 6 years now and married for almost 2...

mygorgeousmilo · 20/06/2017 12:20

Not necessarily, no. My husband and I didn't kiss on the first, but ended up in bed together after the second date Grin what does that mean? It means none of it is a rule and there's no way of measuring if something will last by what happens on the first date. What will be, will be. Shame your friend keeps getting friend zoned though!

kaytee87 · 20/06/2017 12:20

It seems like your friend is only interested in the chase from what you've described.

Original poster
Kezi4 · 20/06/2017 12:22

Maybe I'm just needy/forward Grin

To the people who have had successful first dates with not even a kiss on the cheek, did you feel any intimacy at all?

I don't think my friend's very good at distinguishing between a flirty, meaningful connection and a chat.

OP posts:
bertiesgal · 20/06/2017 12:22

I went out with a guy who didn't kiss me for three whole dates. We've been together 14 years, married 9 and have 4 children together.

He says that he fancied me so much that he didn't want to mess it up 😂

Original poster
Kezi4 · 20/06/2017 12:23

I think he is only interested in the chase, but women don't even realise he's 'chasing' which means he gets friend-zoned!

I'm not really sure what to suggest anymore.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 20/06/2017 12:24

To the people who have had successful first dates with not even a kiss on the cheek, did you feel any intimacy at all?

I'm not sure how intimate you can feel towards someone after one date.
My dh and I were texting for a while before our first date so I knew I wanted to at least get to know him, then the dates were us getting to know each other.

Original poster
Kezi4 · 20/06/2017 12:39

kaytee I guess lingering glances, implied future meetings?

He mostly meets them online, chats for a bit, all seems promising, then after the first date it's either:

  1. Woman is actively interested and shows this by kissing, sex and/or planning a second date. Friend is uninterested.
  2. Woman shows no interest, friend thinks it went well. Woman declines second date.
  3. Woman effectively friend-zones and friend commences campaign of unrequited love. Sometimes there's a hint of potential future romance; often not.

I definitely think there's an element of wanting the chase. I am far too lazy and straight-forward to play such games so I don't really understand.

OP posts:
MsHopey · 20/06/2017 12:42

I was so nervous on my first date with my husband I knew he thought I wasn't interested. I kissed him at the end of it just to show him I wanted another date. He told me at a later stage that if I hadn't kissed him he probably wouldn't have asked me out again because he'd have thought I wasn't interested.

JessicaEccles · 20/06/2017 12:58

I think you need a bit of a snog to see whether there is any chemistry Smile

Groupie123 · 20/06/2017 13:02

I have never kissed on a first date. If things go well might do it on the second. The first date is too soon, in my opinion, if you've met someone online

sidebiddy · 20/06/2017 13:25

If a first date goes really well I'd have no hesitation in shagging themGrin

DH and I kissed on our first date.