Shoud dp go abroad without me?

[Bhj]

I have developed anxiety in the last few years and feel terrified to fly or travel by boat. I also hate the heat, I burn very easily and sweat in the heat so the idea of sitting on a beach all day does not feel me with joy. My dp is desperate to go to Fiji for his 40th in 4 years time. He says that as I don't want to go he should be able to go alone whereas I think he should spend the money on a holiday in this country that both me,him and the dcs will enjoy. Who is bu?

Do you have general anxiety as well as a specific fear of flying?
If you have general anxiety, you could ask your GP about CBT - it can be very effective.
And look into hypnotherapy or a course to address your fear of flying, as PPs have suggested.
Maybe you could aim to do a smaller trip first, a shorter flight and something that's less of a big deal than the trip to Fiji for his 40th - it would take the pressure off a bit for your first flight and would be a good practice run. Maybe go somewhere you've always wanted to go as a reward for conquering your fear

Two friends of mine have had hypnotherapy for fear of flying. They both fly now. Neither of them now love flying, but they can both get on a plane without much upset. They both used to hyperventilate and cry.

Good luck loopytiles. Off to collect D's from nursery now, I'll check in later.

Every third year DH and I consider doing a holiday on our own. I've been on riding holidays in Iceland and Scotland, he has been long distance walking and up Kilimanjaro. WE do other holidays together and this enables us to each do those things the other is not that keen on.

You live on an island. You're going to have to figure out a way to overcome your anxiety. Or be happy to forever stay on this island (or use the eurostar, but you'll never get to Fiji).

I think it's unfair to impose this rule on your dh and dc though

When my children were small and I tended not go go on anything too adventurous because we have family camping holidays in this country, I started to realise that I was actually getting more and more anxious about any form of travel, so it started with flying, but that wasn't too much of a problem. Then ferries started to make me feel scared, and I started to not want to go on our occasional family trips to France. Then I began to worry about the train so I when took DS to London for the day and spent the whole 2 hour train journey racked with anxiety about crashes etc. I realised that my world had got very small and very scared. Then at the end of a course I was doing some of my colleagues said "Let's go to Rome for a few days - do come with us Linda, we'd love to have you with us" and they persuaded me, and looked after me. One of my colleagues and I went out on the same flight and she's a very quiet, reserved character, but as we were about to board the plane she started what I can only describe as wittering utter rubbish about everything and nothing. She kept it up until we levelled out. I only realised later that she was distracting me the whole time from thinking about it.

Then the bombshell dropped that she wasn't returning on the same flight - But I did it. On my second flight in 30 years I flew alone and was so proud of myself. I've now flown and travelled on my own most years, and have even overcome my SIL's fear of flying the same way!

What about doing the FOF course but also booking a small flight to somewhere in Europe that you really want to go; Paris in the Spring, Dutch Old Masters in Amsterdam, nightlife in Berlin, winter sun on the Costa del Sol, whatever is your thing. And go for it. Then build up until flying to Fiji is no problem.

Do the course - free yourself (and your family) - enjoy all the world has to offer!

Please please look into the course asp. You don't know what you're missing.

Good for you OP. I have a fear of flying myself but my desire to see this beautiful world overrides that and I grit my teeth and get on the plane anyway. Definitely look into a course and then start small with short flights - France, Amsterdam etc. There is so much out there to see.

OP, I think it's great that you're going to try and conquer your fear, and I'm sure your DH will appreciate the effort you're putting in. That's an even better gift than the trip itself IMO.

My friend's DM hates flying. They didn't do holidays abroad when the children were young but have had some nice holidays (cruises etc) since the children were late teens. She stays at home and loves the peace and quiet so everyone wins!

You thought you didn't need to address anxiety, but that everyone needed to just tow the line and accept it indefinitely? Erm. You need to actively seek help, otherwise I'd be pissed off with you too. I can't imagine being told I can't do something in 4 years time. That's miserable!

Sorry I do think yabu.

I don't have a fear of flying but I do burn very, very easily. My DH loves snorkelling and beaches. I took him to Mauritius for two weeks for his 30th. He loved it, I spent the fortnight covered head to toe like a character out of Death on the Nile and still managed to burn half a leg somehow.

It made him happy and that made me happy.

For my 30th DH took me to the east coast of the USA so I could eat my body weight in lobster.

Thanks for all your encouraging messages. Mygorgeousmilo I am seeking help for my anxiety, I've been under a mental health teams the last 3 years because of it and other issues I've had. I just meant I've never specifically been to gp about my anxiety with travelling which I'm planning to do.

I really fancy Fiji. If you don't want to go, I will go with him 😁

Good luck with your treatments, hope you get it sorted and can go to Fiji with him.

Ps, if you hadn't guessed I also think it would be terribly unreasonable to ask him not to go.

Yes I'm kind of getting the point I'm being unreasonable lol I've spoke to dp and the plan is to try go somewhere a lot closer to begin with then try and build up to Fiji.

Excellent plan Best of luck!

Let him go with his friends & maybe do something local on his actual birthday. Win win

A friend of mine had massive anxiety flying. She went to see Gp and also had hypnotherapy which helped. She fly's about 3-4 times a year now. Good luck. X

Ah sorry OP, I misunderstood when you said about the GP, I thought you meant not at all. I think if you can survive starting an AIBU thread, then being told you're unreasonable, and valiantly taking it on the chin - you're actually very bloody reasonable! the suggestions and ideas here are great, work on enjoying the closer holiday first

Sorry OP, I mean this gently but YABVU. You don't sign anway your hopes, dreams and autonomy when you get married. Sure, we should prioritize our families in decision making but a trip to Fiji, well planned out with arrangements made for childcare and finances allowing, is perfectly fine. It's not fair for your travel limitations to restrict your DH's forever and it doesn't sound like he has been jaunting off abroad previously, it sounds like this is a kind of "once in a lifetime trip for him."

As pp's have suggested, try everything solution available to alleviate your anxiety, and I hope something works for you!

Thank you everyone. You've helped me see the error of my ways and have given some great advice for me to work with.