AIBU to ask how mums of two manage

[clementine85]

My son is plays out on the street playing with his friends but he's still quiet young (4) so I still need to supervise him. I've a new baby too and I'm struggling to divide my time between the two as the new baby is constantly crying unless she's been held. I try to allow my son time after school to play out and then take a break for dinner inside and then allow him out to play again in the evenings but I'm really struggling to get things done around the house and Hubby doesn't understand (he's not been mean about it) but I get where he's coming from if he's working all day it's unfair for him to have to clean or cook dinner. DS also has serious melt downs if I don't let him out to play when his friends knock in. I'd happily let him play in the garden but again that causes meltdowns of the other children are playing on the street. How do you balance everything. He's only in school for 2.5 hours

Easy dinners, drop your cleaning standards and ignore the meltdowns. Will he watch tv while you cook? That would bribe my two to come in if they were reluctant.

4years old is far too young to be playing out in the street you've made a rod for your own back there.

At 4 I think you need to get a grip on this before it gets out of hand.

How does a 4 year old play in the street? Are all the other parents out with their DC? Or is he playing with much older children?

I have a baby and a 6 year old. Dh works all day but needs to pitch in and help. He usually spends time with his kids whilst I cook. He baths them both, I put through baby to bed and he puts the eldest to bed. You can't do everything. You need a balance.

He plays in the front garden and will walk down to his friends 3 doors down or cycle up and down the path. My husband started this when I was working as I worked weekends. He'd be out cutting the grass and would allow DS to cycle up and down the path. DS is not allowed cross the road. We live on a quiet road

Could you not come up with an arrangement where he can play outside with his friends after school for 1 hour, then it time to come in and do some homework/reading/playing etc. Then once he has done that he can watch tv/play iPad, whilst you make dinner/do housework.
It's not U to limit how long he plays out there, as you still need to supervise and you have plenty of things you need to be getting on with. I'm sure he won't welcome to change, but you need to be firm and make him understand why it's changing.

DS also has serious melt downs if I don't let him out to play

Thats your problem. Stand up to those meltdowns and don't let him get away with behaviour like that and your life would be a hell of a lot easier. Just make it clear he can play out for a little while, then he has to play in the garden for a little while - so you can get stuff done. I had 4 age 4 and under so I had no choice but to be firm otherwise i'd have been in a loony bin!!

I don't understand why your 4 year old is out playing on the street?! Quiet road or not, 4 years old is way too young in my opinion

I'm really struggling to get things done around the house and Hubby doesn't understand (he's not been mean about it) but I get where he's coming from if he's working all day it's unfair for him to have to clean or cook dinner

Tell your DH that the 1950s called and asked for their sexist opinions back

Sounded meaner than I meant it to, sorry. Seriously though he's being absurd. Of course he should come home and do the cooking. Or cleaning or both. You're fully occupied, why should he get a sit down???

So does he cycle up and down the path or play in the street?

Either way it's simple...you have to put your foot down sometimes. Arrange something he'd like to do inside...tell him that no..he can't play out at the moment because you're too busy.

Start taking him to the local park instead...so it's easier to choose a convenient time for you.

It gets easier after the first year. Much easier once your youngest gets to 2. Hang in there!

Metal goddess- he is supervised!! Why shouldn't he play outside with his friends if his mum is there with him! It's only like going to them park!

It's normaL to share housework with your DH, you have been working hard all day too!

Hmm, that is a hard one. I honestly think that I'd limit the out of doors play to when you can and only when you can. DS needs to understand that your jobs HAVE to come first. It's tricky because of course they want more of what they have been able to do, but alas life isn't always that way. As your baby grows she will need to be able to plod around the house - DS will have to be reigned back in again.

You are not superwomen - none of us are. I do remember this stage and it's really $&&** hard, don't give yourself such a hard time and remember that the jobs have to be done as you can -

Not sure I agree about the house thing with your DH, I remember we had a deal that when mine came home and the house was a tip, I would be bathing the kids and he tidied up the sitting room making it good for calm time/tv time before bed - it only took 5 mins and helped SO much. Once again my friend, you are NOT superwoman.

The last point I'd say is that at 4 yrs old, your son needs to have rest. Assuming he's been at school/preschool/clubs during the day - a large play before tea is one thing - after is another. They need downtime.

Best of luck. All stages pass but try yourbest to remember that happy mummy does really have a knock on to happy children in the end - no matter how much wailing you have to put up with whilst a new rule is introduced.

Good luck x

I have a toddler and a baby. The baby spends a lot of time in a sling so she is close to me and content and I can still run after her older brother. DH works 12 hour days but still does the cooking when he gets in and a big chunk of the cleaning, because I find it really difficult to manage to get a lot done with two children around.

Regarding the playing in the street, decide what the rules are and stick to them. He might have a meltdown at first but if you are consistent he'll get it.

Invite the other children in to play in the back garden? that way you could get on with stuff and know they are safe.

4 is too young to play out.

If you insist, then maybe cut it down to 2 days a week. He will soon have homework /clubs etc and not so much time for playing out. Plus he will learn he doesn't get his way all the time.

I wouldn't let my 7 year old play out the front, let alone a 4 year old. Can't you invite the neighbour's child over to play then you can supervise?

Mine, 3 and 5, play out the front of my house if I'm.doing jobs there, or occasionally when learning to cycle without stablisers, but they understand it's a special deal, and normally they stay behind the gate.
4 is old enough to understand that is this is going to be an issue, then it's a blanket 'no'.
We 'manage' by setting some firm boundaries and some loose ones, and the kids learn which ones never to cross. Setting foot off our drive is a firm one.
Also, don't allow your kids to set store by what 'other people' do.
There will always be kids allowed to do what yours isn't. Try to look like you don't care. Clearly you do, but fake it til you make it!

So, you and your DH are both working full time. He's WOH, you're keeping two children alive and fed and safe. That's for 37.5 hours a week.

The rest of the time life has to be split. And that includes (but is not limited to) 'big' cleaning, bedtimes, the end of the day tidy up, feeding the household occupants, food shopping, etc. It's reasonable for your DH to expect you to clear up after yourselves during the day, it's not reasonable for him to expect a pristine house and supper on the table every night; they're his children too. Yes you can do some running around when your elder is at nursery and baby sleeps but do also put your feet up - I bet your DH gets a lunch break/cigarette breaks/chatting in the kitchen whilst making tea breaks.

DH and I divide and conquer. He comes in and looks after the DC and I do dinner. Or the other way around. And we take it in turns to do bedtime. Because otherwise my day starts at 5.55 and finishes at 8.30pm, whereas his is (nominally) 9-5.30. Which is not something I signed up for. Also: we have a cleaner and I walk away from tantrums

Why are people saying 4 is too young to play out supervised OP you need to manage the meltdowns, you are in charge. He's four, he shouldn't be dictating what you do all day. Tell him he can either play out before dinner or after dinner or similar. Maybe invite a friend to play in the garden.

I have a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old. A sling has been my saviour. I breastfeed so I have to sit down a lot so lots of activities around the kitchen table helps, crafts, colouring, play doh etc.

I am lucky that my DM is around a lot but baby groups are really helpful too. Anything that gets me out of the house tbh. Where we live, children go to full time school at 3 so we pay for two days at nursery so that DS has friends when he goes to school in January.

Batch cooking food helps, or just making sure you have easy to prepare food. I batch cook all of ds's food so it only takes a couple of minutes to prepare. Cleaning takes place at moments where I have a quick 5 minutes.

So your ds plays out to save your lawn?

I would use a sling for baby.

2 young children is hard, husband needs the pitch in, whether he does childcare or housework, once he's home till they're in bed.

On the other hand, if my dd tantrummed to get her own way, there's no way in the world she'd get what she wanted, ever.