AIBU to ask how mums of two manage

[clementine85]

My son is plays out on the street playing with his friends but he's still quiet young (4) so I still need to supervise him. I've a new baby too and I'm struggling to divide my time between the two as the new baby is constantly crying unless she's been held. I try to allow my son time after school to play out and then take a break for dinner inside and then allow him out to play again in the evenings but I'm really struggling to get things done around the house and Hubby doesn't understand (he's not been mean about it) but I get where he's coming from if he's working all day it's unfair for him to have to clean or cook dinner. DS also has serious melt downs if I don't let him out to play when his friends knock in. I'd happily let him play in the garden but again that causes meltdowns of the other children are playing on the street. How do you balance everything. He's only in school for 2.5 hours

So your ds plays out to save your lawn?

Where on earth did that come from?!

So your ds plays out to save your lawn?

WTF? How did you come to that conclusion?

We live on a quiet London street. Some of the children do play outside but the parents sit on the front steps and have a tea while watching. When we need to go in then the playing just moves to the back garden or play time is over, that's the end of it. I think you need to be harder when enforcing that and make sure he is watched while on the street.

My friend has 7 children btw. I don't know how she does it but none of them play in the street.

Use a sling for the baby (once they're a bit older, it'll be much easier) and go and watch DS outside (I wouldn't let my 4 year old play out on their own) and then stick the tv on for him while you make dinner with baby in the sling...

I'm pregnant with no.4 and my 3 D.C.'s are 7, 5 & 2.5....my husband works away during the week...with discipline, routine and creativity (and a lot of patience) it can be done...I've always found the first 3-6 months hard with a newborn but they eventually settle into a routine..

Good luck!

Drop your standards and plan easy meals or prep them in advance.
Velcro babies love sling, and you can meal prep and clean with a baby in a fabric sling.

Let him play out, but for less time if the time he wants is too long for you. It's great when they can't tell the time from that point if view.

To get him in tell him if he comes in nicely after playing he can do X, X being something that suits you, as a treat. TV could work well here.

The new baby stage is hard, it gets easier

You seem to be assuming that if he has a meltdown you must give him whatever he wants.

A tantrum get you nothing in my house. In fact it guarantees you don't get what you want.

I will not teach my children that flying into a rage is a reliable way to get whatever you want.

I used a sling to do a lot of things
Easy meals.. make a list
Tesco delivery plan, get delivery when dh can unpack it
I have a cleaner 2 hours a week
Spent as little time at home as possible. I found baby easier out.

It gets easier. My second is one soon and was very difficult until mobile.

It's all hands on deck once you have two. And your DH needs to realise that.

It's not unfair on him to clean or cook dinner - you have been working all day too.

Stop trying to make everything perfect for your DS1 - he will have to compromise and that's the hard part, but the great lesson of having a sibling

LBOCS2

I agree

Also, if your DH doesn't understand (but isn't being nasty about it) then it's a sign he hasn't looked after the children on his own for any length of time. Leave him to it (not in a nasty way)

I'm agreeing with a lot of your tipslovely branches! I have 3 children- 6, 4, & 8 months. My husband works long hours and I have no immediate family support in the area (not looking for sympathy tho) I used a sling in the newborn days (can hire from a sling meet if you're not sure about buying) and set up play doh/crafts whilst cooking. I batch freeze loads on weekends too - fish pie/spag bol/shepherd pie/soup type stuff and always have fishfingers in for emergency fishfinger sandwiches!
I have to say I think 4 is a little young to play out unsupervised personally - can you reign him in to weekends only?

I once put DS1 in the cupboard under the stairs when he was having a meltdown. I don't think he can remember the occasion. Your DH needs to be realistic about what it's like to have two young children at home all day and have realistic expectations about tidiness and meals . . . and it's down to you to manage these expectation!

Can't advise on the playing out thing and I only have one child, but your dh should be doing some cooking and cleaning too. You're at home looking after two children all day. Of course you might get more done around the house than him, I do more than my dp, but he should still be doing something! Dp and I share the cooking and both do bits around the house. You're looking after children all day, that's work too.

Yeah he needs to take the baby or the 4 year old or both for some quality Dad time for an hour so you can get stuff done.

I don't personally agree with other posters that your DH should be doing more around the house. It's not for other people to criticise your family's set up or call you old fashioned or whatever. If he works full time then it's not unreasonable for you to do everything in the house, and I can understand that you want to. I have two preschool age DCs and DH works full time in a very busy and stressful job. I do absolutely everything in the house and for the DCs and take pride in it, as I see that as my job.

At this stage, I found that the slowcooker was a great friend! Also my oven which has a timer that I can pre-programme when it comes on. Both these allowed me to put food on at a time that suited me, ready for mealtimes.

Your husband has been working all day, but so have you. When you're both in the house, then you both pitch in with the children!

My 4 year old has had to learn to compromise. Yes he has a tantrum, but those are ignored. When mummy says no, mummy means it! He's old enough now to understand that baby's needs come first. He can have fun in other ways.

Maybe try and organise (buy!) some exciting indoor activities, playdoh, glitter, stickers, stamp sets, glue, cutting. My 4 year old loves printing stuff out from the computer and cutting it out. Get him out of the habit of the daily playing out, and then try and get him to understand that things happen on your say-so, not his.

I know how difficult it is to divide attention though. I still have that with at ages 4 and 2 unfortunately although increasingly they play together.

Your husband needs to pitch in, there's no during down to the kids are in bed ( and often not even then) when the kids are small. You work ask day too, it's just that yours is unpaid.

All not ask...

Sorry I didn't realise the 4 year old was supervised

DH works full time in a very busy and stressful job. I do absolutely everything in the house and for the DCs and take pride in it, as I see that as my job

I work four days a week and dh full time. Dh and I both do house work.... we have someone else to take care of the dcs when we cant and have a cleaner once a week but that doesn't cover everything! So working full time is no excuse.