To insist that DD orders the Indian take away?

[IndianNC]

DD is a bit shy and goes off to uni in September. We are having Indian tonight (just me and her) so just a couple of things to order. WIBU to insist she calls and orders it?

No, not at all. Even something as little as that can help boost her confidence.

If she's got this far in life without ever having done it, I'd leave it now as what's the point in forcing her?

She'll learn to be more independent at Uni because she'll have to.

I'm not sure it will get her a 1st but I guess you could try.

I would just order online but I can see what you are trying to do, can you not help her in situations she is likely to have face instead ? Like going to the supermarket or booking a doctors appointment etc

Aw if it were me I'd order off just eat
Don't get into a fight just before spending time together it's not worth it

I think you'd be unreasonable to insist, yes. If it would make her feel uncomfortable, it's not fair. Being forced to do things won't make her less shy.

We can't order online!

I just think it might help her a little bit before she goes.

Why? What do you hope she will gain from ordering a takeaway over the phone? I think that if you're going to push her to do this fabric out of her comfort zone it would be better for it to be something that can't be done in other ways. For example she could easily order food online through just eat or similar, so I'd be encouraging her to go to the bank and sort out her student bank account or something instead. I know what you mean in your OP but takeaway seems an odd thing to take a stand over.

Is this something she wants to tackle before going away?

Argh cross post sorry! Also *something, not 'this fabric'

I thought it would be a good start. We can't order this online as we have a set one we use.

She wouldn't do anything like phone the doctors for an appointment, etc. over the phone so thought would be good.

Would insisting she gets the door instead be unreasonable?

I do this a lot with my DD (she's only 8, so it's different things, but it's the same idea). It's surprisingly helpful at improving confidence.

YABU to insist your 18 yo DD do either of those things! But you could talk to her about it.

We do stuff like this - dcs 13 now. We make the kids book a badminton session, introduce themselves at the dentist, order from McDonalds etc. Initially they were v nervous but we used the speaker phone so that we could help them out if they needed it.

I'm not sure, I hate ordering takeaway even now and hate answering the door, it probably means I order less takeaways which isn't a bad thing :D

But when she's away she'll nearly definitely just use just eat or pizza websites.

I agree speaking to bank etc, I used to walk into the drs and make appts rather than phone them and got on fine. Somewhere alone line I was in enough pain to want to phone and got appt that way. Encourage her to go to all the welcome week activities and they'll help her with where nearest drs etc are

Also getting a job was probably best thing I did confidence wise. I still work in retail now. hate talking to people outside of work but no one I work with/customers would know

I hated this stuff when I was her age. Uni really helped me. I'd have been sad if my mum did it to me- though I can't explain why really.

If you insist, might she dig her heels in? It's a good suggestion though. My dd is incredibly shy and for ages now I've been asking her to phone and book her own restaurant tables/make orthodontist/physio appointments. The more she does it, the easier it gets. I would just ask her to do it while you get washing in/feed dog/whatever.

My partner tries to get his son (9) to ask staff for help in shops (for things DC wants). A few months ago DC had seen something he wanted but it didn't have a price on it, so DP told him to ask one of the staff, and he refused. He's getting better though, and now will speak to shop staff.

Forcing a shy adult to go outside their comfort zone does them no-good whatsoever.

Why spoil the meal by making this an issue.

She'll gain confidence when she's on her own.

Encourage her, yes, but insist YABU.

You wouldn't be unreasonable to suggest it. You would be unreasonable to insist on it though.

My exH wouldn't do this. He held down a very technical profession but struggled on the phone. Talking to someone with a difficult accent to understand was worse than calling the doctor for him. I wouldn't insist. I got much better on the phone in my twenties.

It's as though you are having a last minute panic about her going to Uni and you're trying to play catch up, with the things you should have been encouraging her to do long before now?

That's not really unusual as I know a lot of parents in this position.

But honestly, you can't rush all these things through now. Trust me, she'll cope when the time comes because there will be no-one else to do these things for her.

I really would just leave her. I hate doing stuff like this. I have no problem answering the phone but hate making calls unless it's to friends and family. Forcing me would do nothing other than make me hate you.
If no one else is around then I will do it but I don't like it. Think of something you don't like doing and imagine how you'd feel if she forced you to do that!

I agree with getting her to do small things to increase her confidence. And each time she does something a little out of her comfort zone it will get easier.
I work in a university & its really tough for shy students. They don't automatically switch gear! As one poster suggested.
You are doing the right thing. Maybe suggest a summer job that involves communication eg hospitality. I've seen young people soar in confidence after working in a pub or restaurant.