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"she's old enough to understand"

50 replies

eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 · 18/06/2017 16:42

31 month old with an understanding of a 18-20 month old. waiting dor final assessment for ASD very likely to be diagnosed.

So many people say 'shes old enough to understand' or 'shes old enough to know better' when I know full well she is. Just because she is old enough to understand it doesnt mean she does, she has poor understanding. Its not her being naughty and its not being uselss or making excuses. she doesnt bloody understand so yes I will treat her like an 18 month old even if to you that means Im babying her.

sorry needed to get that off my chest.

OP posts:

Queenofthestress · 18/06/2017 17:17

I get this all the time, DS is 3.5 with the understanding of a 2 year old on most aspects, still in a buggy as no danger awareness at all & can't walk long distances, yet I get people commenting all the time that he should be out of it, or basic skills like going down the stairs that people comment that I shouldn't be helping, gets right on my wick!


Birdsgottaf1y · 18/06/2017 17:55

My DD had delayed development, you've got to learn to ignore and if they keep on, tell them straight.


Goldmandra · 18/06/2017 17:58

My daughter is highly intelligent but emotionally behind her peers and has impaired executive function. It is very hard for friends to understand why I treat her like a younger child and give her so much help and support.

Just do what you know is right for your child and politely but firmly rebuff other people's comments.


SmileEachDay · 18/06/2017 18:01

Perfect the nod and smile. You know your child, you know you're doing the best for her.

Nod, smile and yell 'fuck you, cockwomble' in your head.


justkeepswimmingg · 18/06/2017 18:34

My DS also 31 months is development delayed. It's my MIL that grinds on me. She 'corrects' what I say to him often, and it feels like she's constantly undermining my parenting (like it's my fault that he is delayed). She is seriously interfering. I try very hard not to see her often, but sadly I had to today, which of course has made a fun day out a miserable one for me. I'd love to say I hold my head up high, or pull her up on it, but I just sit there like a sulky child.
I like SmileEachDay's suggestion Wink.


Redredredrose · 18/06/2017 18:37

How can you tell she's got the understanding of an 18 month old? I ask not because I disbelief you, but because I have some concerns about the understanding of my 31 month old.


Anniegetyourgun · 18/06/2017 18:45

I think when strangers do that it's because they love to judge, whilst if family members do it it's because no blood relative of theirs could possibly have learning difficulties and/or developmental delay, so it must be the fault of that outsider handling them wrongly.


Queenofthestress · 18/06/2017 22:08

@redredrose generally when they do the milestone checks/Nelson check at 2 years the skills shown aren't where they should be

If you're worried ask your HV or gp for a referral to the pead :)


Queenofthestress · 18/06/2017 22:08

@redredredrose got your name wrong, sorry! :(


LiveLongAndProspero · 18/06/2017 22:10

31 months is what, 2 and a half? Are they really doing final assessments already? Seems rather early.


Queenofthestress · 18/06/2017 22:15

They are willing to do them at this age if there's been a life long delay and behaviours shown from birth
We're in the early year practioner stage who will refer DS for a full diagnosis (hes tolr the senco this himself) and he's 3.5


bluechameleon · 18/06/2017 22:23

Just keep doing what you know is right. Either correct people who comment out loud or just slag them off in your head, whichever seems more appropriate. And I'm not surprised at final assessments at 31 months, I used to teach early years in a school for children with ASD and we sometimes got 2 year olds, so they had been diagnosed and statemented by then.


Redredredrose · 19/06/2017 11:47

Queen, thanks for replying to me. He's actually under paeditrician care because he has a little chromosome imbalance. They seem pretty happy with his progress but I worry because while he seems to understand immediate things (ie follows instructions, picks up on our conversation), his speech is a bit delayed and he doesn't seem to understand more abstract concepts. But he's my only child so I really don't know what to expect. Sorry to thread hijack.


ThreeForAPound · 19/06/2017 11:50

Feel for you.

My DS wasn't diagnosed with autism until he was 5 years old, but when he was the paediatrician said he had the social understanding of an 18 month old.

So NO, judge parents in the park, he wasnt 'a naughty boy'!


Queenofthestress · 19/06/2017 14:49

@redredredrose what kind of abstract concepts? Most kids at 31 months don't understand a lot of them, it's normally 4/5 they start getting the understanding I've found
I'd bring it up at your next meeting and see what they say, usually the paed is brilliant at picking up delays :)


Redredredrose · 19/06/2017 16:00

I don't know if "abstract concepts" is quite the right description for what I mean. I mean, like... if I say, do you want to go to soft play later, he'll either say nothing, or say no. Same when I ask if he wants to go to his Nana's, which he actually realy enjoys. Or if I ask does he want to go to nursery, it's the same - he doesn't get happy or sad at the thought of going places, and I don't know if it's because he doesn't understand, or maybe because he really just doesn't care. He is very easy going - rarely throws tantrums, and cheers up very quickly if he's upset about things. So maybe he just doesn't mind? My brother and mother, and DP, were all very easy going as children but I was really definite about my choices and still am. I meant to bring it up at his last paediatrican appointment but there were a few more pressing issues to discuss and I forgot.

He also clearly doesn't understand birthdays or Christmas but I think that's normal.


Queenofthestress · 19/06/2017 16:42

That seems normal, most kids do it around that age :)


Queenofthestress · 19/06/2017 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redredredrose · 19/06/2017 16:47

Thanks Queen. I've got a couple of friends with children of around DS's age with much better speech and language so it's sometimes hard to know if DS is developing normally and I'm quite anxious about his development in general because of his chromosome issue.


Queenofthestress · 19/06/2017 20:48

Don't worry about it, is he doing speech therapy?


Redredredrose · 20/06/2017 08:04

He's been assessed as within the normal range but they're keeping an eye on him because he's at the bottom end of the range. They said that, as long as his speech keeps on developing, there's probably no reason to worry. He does say 3-4 word sentances, but not often - he is quite a silent child.


Queenofthestress · 20/06/2017 08:09

I didn't know if the speech therapist would have explained the layer cake to you, understanding always comes first so I wouldn't worry just yet about him not understanding the concepts just yet, he may understand them in a few weeks, or it could be days, kids are odd like that sometimes haha


Redredredrose · 20/06/2017 13:37

Thanks again, Queen - you're very reassuring! His receptive language seems to be fine when it comes to following instructions or making immediate choices, it's just that he doesn't talk much so it's hard to tell if he understands wider things. he is getting much better at using words to tell you what he wants, instead of just pointing or shouting, so we are seeing progress.

Sorry OP. I really didn't mean to hijack.


user1487175389 · 20/06/2017 13:46

I'm interested in how you got the GP to take you seriously. Mine insisted I had to go through HV, who referred me to a nursery nurse who has decided its not his behaviour or understanding that's the problem, it's my parenting. How do I fight this?

Some examples of my ds 3.5 behaviour: no real interest or understanding of potty training. Speech impediment. Hurting others. Meltdowns.


Redredredrose · 20/06/2017 15:25

Can you ask for a paediatrician referral, user? Or self-refer to SALT?

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