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AIBU?

To hate driving this much

46 replies

Hohumpiglett · 18/06/2017 16:41

I passed my test when I was 17 then didn't drive for about 8 years. 3 years ago I got s job that needed a car, so I got one. I was nervous at first but I got over it.

A year later I changed jobs but still needed the car. I have a short commute of 7 miles but bad public transport.

The first car I bought after a year started to break down a lot. Cost me a fortune and it was horrible going to the car in the morning wondering if it would start. Or watch the temp gauge go up and hope I got home before it got to hot.
I then had a very minor accident about a year ago which given it was so minor and not my fault really shook me up. It also made my car insurance shoot up even thoug no claim was made against me!

I got a new car in December. January it broke down and needed fixing and since then has been ok touch wood. But I hate driving . I'm so scared of it. I have to drive through a city and out the other side everyday. I feel like it's a matter of time before I have another accident. And I couldn't afford it if the insurance went up again.

I overthink hill starts and end up stalling. I feel convinced i will roll back and hit someone so I sit sweating till lights change then over rev ridiculously. I crunch gears in panic. I worry that my nerves make me a bad driver and I get in a loop.

I travel about 40 mins earlier than I need to do there's less traffic.

I have started to refuse to give my partner lifts places on weekends because I find driving stressful and I feel like I deserve to have 2 days away from it . I walk to supermarket instead of drive. Or get bus if I'm going further.

Because of where I live there's no quite roads to have a practise on to build up my confidence. I also have a terrible sense of direction and dont feel comfortable driving aimlessly incae i get stuck.

It's come to ahead today's because i spotted some furniture on Facebook group and said id buy it. But now I have to go get it and I really do not want to! It's only 10 mins but some roads i find scary.

when I can't relax I'm a great driver . but it's getting harder to relax. I see minor accidents everyday and I just feel like it's a matter of time. I'm realising that limiting my driving to to just my commute has made it worse but I don't know how to get over it. I think I'd be fine if I didn't live on the edge of a busy city. I need to go get the furniture soon but i and so stressed at the idea im fighting with myself not to cancel.

So wibu to cancel the sodding furniture? And ask for advice on how to fix this?

OP posts:
Hohumpiglett · 18/06/2017 16:43

Seeing minor accidents everyday Is an exaggeration, but I probably see them at least once a fortnight on my commute. Mostly people not checking before pulling out or hitting person in front of them in stop start traffic.

OP posts:
Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 18/06/2017 16:45

Oh I feel your pain so much. I hate driving with an absolute passion and could have written this post myself. I have thought about a hypnotist, or booking lessons again, but haven't quite got round to it !!

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 18/06/2017 16:46

Sorry, not much help, but wanted you to know that you're not alone !!!

PurpleDaisies · 18/06/2017 16:47

I have felt like this at times and I sympathise-it's horrible. I think the only way is to keep driving as much as possible and it gets better. Pick small journeys and keep going. If you cancel the furniture that's another victory for the driving fear.

Have you thought about CBT?

Hohumpiglett · 18/06/2017 16:50

I was hoping driving everyday with a car that doesn't break down all the time would help but this furniture has made me realise how much I have avoided driving recently and now I'm waiting for dp to come back from work he's going to say, let's get furniture and I might cry! It's supposed to be his birthdays present too!

I guess lessons is an option but it feels daft when i go on what most people consider to be scary roads (roundabouts, hills dual carriageway, narrow double parked roads ) every day to work and back.

OP posts:
Saucery · 18/06/2017 16:51

I had a terrible car a few years ago and it really knocked my confidence. It had a serious problem with its electrics and would cut out at random times, plus the Windows would blow fuses in turn so I avoided car parks with automatic barriers and dreaded routine police check areas as I wouldn't be able to wind them down if asked to. It was also big and unwieldy with shit lines of vision.
I got a new car and it was like rediscovering driving! The worry about something vital cutting out was taken away and the fact it was reliable gradually made me feel more at ease with getting from A to B. The sight lines were much improved too and I just generally felt more comfortable.
Would it be feasible for you to look at a new pre-registered car?

Hohumpiglett · 18/06/2017 16:52

Purpledaises, I have been waiting for cbt since November. Nhs for you right there. More related to insomnia which is another thing that makes me nervous to drive.

OP posts:
Saucery · 18/06/2017 16:53

Lessons might be a good idea - there are instructors who would totally get where you are coming from and be happy to help you gain more confidence.

Disappointednomore · 18/06/2017 16:53

I hate driving too. Each time I do it it gets a little bit easier though. Don't cancel the furniture- in my experience the more I avoid the worse it gets and I despise myself for it.

Hohumpiglett · 18/06/2017 16:56

Saucery : I can't afford another new car. I earn pittance, but in a job with good prospects. My current car is a corsa so at least it's nice and small which helps with parking nerves. Parking is a good example. i can parrlell park alone easily , if another car has to sit and wait for me I got all fumbly and have to leave because otherwise it'll take me 10 attempts and im scared I'll panic and jump forward and bump another car.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 18/06/2017 17:03

I could have written so much of your post.

I drive because I must, and am generally fine on local roads that I know well. Other than that, I hate it and will avoid it where at all possible. I am not a natural for it and never was. If I absolutely have to drive I will, but I don't like it.

I am becoming more and more of a local driver as I get older. I feel your pain.

Raspberriesaretheonlyfruit · 18/06/2017 17:09

I am increasingly worried about having an accident. I live in a very nice bit of the south and it is is filled to bursting with cars. Mostly expensive ones, 4x4's and cycle teams of men with posh jobs that can work from home. All consider the roads " their" spaces and some are noticeable aggressive.

I used to have a strict pick up deadline so I knew one particular journey took 131/2 minutes. It now averages 5 minutes longer from just the amount of traffic.

Saucery · 18/06/2017 17:12

Mine' s a Corsa too! Good little cars aren't they? I think it needing a repair soon after you bought it might have made you think it was the same as your old car. When the oxygen sensor went on mine I thought oh fuck, here I go again! but it's the only repair bar brake pads (lots of urban stop-start driving) it's needed in 5 years.
I have to say the biting point of the handbrake can be a little erratic though, which might be contributing to your nerves. It can really feel like you are going to slip back on a hill start and getting off to a swift assertive start from stopped completely does often feel a bit 'revvy'.
I don't know if that helps, that it is something another Corsa driver has experienced?
In other ways it's fab though. Can fit down those double parked side streets like a dream and park in small bays etc.

AlternativeTentacle · 18/06/2017 17:12

Have you thought of taking a lesson for people who have passed their tests but need a refresher?

Saucery · 18/06/2017 17:14

Btw, I asked the garage to check my handbrake, because it gets used a lot. MOT and Service are 6 moths apart so I make a point of asking them to have a look at it each time and tighten if necessary.

Saucery · 18/06/2017 17:15

Months, not moths. That would be a tiny amount of time Grin

user1473069303 · 18/06/2017 17:25

You have my every sympathy, especially re the hill starts and parallel parking when there's someone waiting!

I've little advice to give as I'm battling with a similar problem myself (albeit as a learner).
On Friday we had some shopping to do and I was meant to be driving. DH suggested also going to IKEA (which involves a short hop on the motorway - which I've already done before) but for some reason the idea of going there was too much. I ended up crying in the bathroom and handing the keys to DH.

Porkpudding · 18/06/2017 17:26

I hated driving! Passed my test at 27.. ( 8th time 😳). Drove for 2 years then stopped for 4!!! My saving grace has been an automatic!! I Still don't love driving but have driven 200 plus! I always think the thought of driving is worse than actually driving!! Not everyone loves Driving! Try not to overthink every journey!

AHintOfStyle · 18/06/2017 17:32

Have you tried an automatic?

I have very similar issues to you along with panic attacks & vomiting and didn't drive for around 10 years. However needs must (or work & kids activities!) and now I have a small automatic.

Still hate it and yes I would still leave 40 mins early to avoid traffic etc but I can cope enough to drive with a reasonable amount of confidence.

Boopboopboop · 18/06/2017 17:36

I really hate it too. Passed about 10 years ago and have never driven on my own! Need to get over it though as I need to drive when I start a new job in October. It just doesn't make sense to me, I overthink it too, hate changing lanes, don't know how to park, forget which way I need to turn the wheel when reversing.
No idea how I'm going to do it, sometimes I can't sleep night from anxiety thinking about it

callmeadoctor · 18/06/2017 17:43

Automatic would certainly make life easier for you xx

callmeadoctor · 18/06/2017 17:44

Automatic is the way to go xx

Hohumpiglett · 18/06/2017 17:51

Oh gosh I really expected you all to tell me I was being silly or some mean comments saying I shouldn't be on the road! I'm sorry everyone who's posted feels like this! I understand needing to drive more but it's hard. I don't get out of car and think "that wasn't so bad!" I get Out of it shaking and sweating from nerves. So it's hard to force myself to do that.

I have google mapped the duck out of the route using street view and I'm going to take the Satnav. Still waiting on dp though!

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 18/06/2017 17:55

Could you do an advanced driving course? Or a defensive driving course? Aimed to give you more confidence and skills to avoid/ reduce your risk of accidents? I'm doing one through work as they will get fuel benefits from it and have seen accident rates drop..

babymouse · 18/06/2017 17:56

I would also suggest getting an automatic.

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