To hate driving this much

[Hohumpiglett]

I passed my test when I was 17 then didn't drive for about 8 years. 3 years ago I got s job that needed a car, so I got one. I was nervous at first but I got over it.

A year later I changed jobs but still needed the car. I have a short commute of 7 miles but bad public transport.

The first car I bought after a year started to break down a lot. Cost me a fortune and it was horrible going to the car in the morning wondering if it would start. Or watch the temp gauge go up and hope I got home before it got to hot.
I then had a very minor accident about a year ago which given it was so minor and not my fault really shook me up. It also made my car insurance shoot up even thoug no claim was made against me!

I got a new car in December. January it broke down and needed fixing and since then has been ok touch wood. But I hate driving . I'm so scared of it. I have to drive through a city and out the other side everyday. I feel like it's a matter of time before I have another accident. And I couldn't afford it if the insurance went up again.

I overthink hill starts and end up stalling. I feel convinced i will roll back and hit someone so I sit sweating till lights change then over rev ridiculously. I crunch gears in panic. I worry that my nerves make me a bad driver and I get in a loop.

I travel about 40 mins earlier than I need to do there's less traffic.

I have started to refuse to give my partner lifts places on weekends because I find driving stressful and I feel like I deserve to have 2 days away from it . I walk to supermarket instead of drive. Or get bus if I'm going further.

Because of where I live there's no quite roads to have a practise on to build up my confidence. I also have a terrible sense of direction and dont feel comfortable driving aimlessly incae i get stuck.

It's come to ahead today's because i spotted some furniture on Facebook group and said id buy it. But now I have to go get it and I really do not want to! It's only 10 mins but some roads i find scary.

when I can't relax I'm a great driver . but it's getting harder to relax. I see minor accidents everyday and I just feel like it's a matter of time. I'm realising that limiting my driving to to just my commute has made it worse but I don't know how to get over it. I think I'd be fine if I didn't live on the edge of a busy city. I need to go get the furniture soon but i and so stressed at the idea im fighting with myself not to cancel.

So wibu to cancel the sodding furniture? And ask for advice on how to fix this?

I hated driving as much as you do so I just don't do it any more. It wouldn't have been solved by driving an automatic - I haven't driven a geared car since I passed my test but I just don't think I have any aptitude for it, my reactions aren't fast enough and I find it hard to remember all the different things at once. Driving is not compulsory after all.

I hate driving too - nothing worse when DH is away than trying to find new pitches that DS is playing a match at. I was once reduced to tears when I got lost trying to get from a shopping centre back to a party to pick up DS.

I wish I had a good sat nav- I think that would help enormously but I've lost the stick up thing for mine and they seem to be hard to buy and DH says a new sat nav is an unnecessary expense.

It's okay not to enjoy driving and do as little of it as possible. I bike/walk/bus as much as possible and refuse to change my old car so it doesn't matter if I hit a kerb or a low level bollard

Yes although my car is new to me it has a few bumps and scrapes which I prefer as it means i don't have that additional stress. Someone actually scraped it when I was stood next to it once but I didn't bother getting it fixed because it wasn't noticeable amongst other scrapes.

I got the bastard furniture . the lanes which I normally find scary were ok because roads weren't to busy so I could correct myself easily and then I google street walked the bit I normally get wrong so I knew where I was going. DP did tell me "this is where you should go straight on but you go right normally" and I corrected him saying actually the road markings say it's a left turn and I mess it up because you normally tell me to go straight on! So that felt good that I didn't forget it in my nervousness.

I think I'm going to try and do more Sunday driving as it's not as bad.

I'm going to try and improve my attitude to it all. Told myself today I am a good driver and I've never rolled back so just concentrate on smooth motions like your still a learner and that helped. Stupid van did a u-turn in road onto my lane though- it does feel like everyone round here is an awful driver and I have to be better than average to pre-empt their fuckups!

Dp has his birthday present though and I'm pleased - also confessing how stressed driving was making me has really helped, so thank you all.

Oh and rookie get the sat nav. Mine is decent and only £60 and it makes the world of difference. You can concentrate on the road and not panic about directions. And if you do get lost it just corrects itself which is a small thing to most but it removes so much panic for me!

Yay, you got the furniture, good on you! Glad you didn't get there and find out that as well as a spongy handbrake another drawback of a Corsa is the tiny boot

Op I feel your pain. I passed my test about 6 years ago and initially drove for 3 months then had to sell the car for financial reasons and then took a year break.

I had a massive accident on the motorway in which a lorry pulled into me and caused my car to roll and crash roofside into a tree. I don't know how me and my other two relatives walked away from that accident. I was given a courtesy car and from that point I was so afraid to drive. I would get angry if someone asked for a lift etc.

It took me 3 further years of forcing myself to drive, and drive a little bit further each time and force myself to do it. I would google map unsure journeys and learn the road markings so I was always in the right lane.

It took me 2 years to go back onto the motorway and even then I couldn't change land through fear. I am now in a position where I change lanes and I feel more confident.

I got myself a newer bigger car which has defiantly helped my confidence, it took time op but it possible.

Ps my car has this brilliant feature where if you put your foot break on and it's on a slope or hill the car doesn't roll back for 5 seconds. It amazing for parking on hills and reversing also hill starts. It has that electric handbrake also which means you won't ever roll back everrrr

It's a 2011 Astra

I'm no help but just wanted to also say you're not alone! My last car was such an old banger but the few times it broke down it was catastrophic then it finally got scrapped. Now I've got a great runner with no issues but I have such anxiety while I'm driving that something's going to go wrong. Like sometimes the engine sounds different even though it probably actually sounds the same as normal. Or I was doing a huge drive home from a wedding and could have sworn it wasn't accelerating properly. I'm constantly checking there's no warning lights on etc. I've had the new car a year and I sometimes think it's getting better but like this weekend I've suddenly noticed 4th gear seems louder than usual. But then I question myself like does it really?! Can I even trust my judgement?! No idea what the solution would be I'm afraid

I totally share your feelings op, I've been driving for 46 years and only do it out of need and never find it pleasurable. It's not helped by DH being a driving instructor and completely unable to understand me! I've rarely driven on motorways (I refuse to drive DH because he constantly goes on and on about 'we don't drive like that nowadays', so he does the driving) and the thought of doing so makes me feel sick. I've decided I will only do so at some ridiculously early hour and in daylight, which won't ever sort out my fears, will it? I also have very poor night vision so avoid night driving entirely.

DH has always hated driving, to the stage that I do all the driving (we live in SE within walking distance of 2 stations so not really an issue)......we've just got used to it.

Honestly I could have written your post myself!! Im pretty much exactly the same! I always overthink my routes before I set off and give myself so much unnecessary anxiety!!

It's silly but I work myself up over every possible worst case scenario and have definitely missed out on doing things because I was so desperate to avoid driving! I also had an accident a few years back, wasn't my fault but definitely gave me the fear!!

Hopefully this thread can give us all comfort that there's a lot of other drivers out there feeling the same! And that it IS possible to get some confidence back!! Well done on getting your furniture op!!!

Saucery - almost didn't fit! I did discover that I have a boot not shut warning light though so I guess that's good!

Mallamloll- I'm so sorry about your accident. Something similar happened to me when I was a child. We stopped at red light and lorry behind us didn't slow down and sent the car spinning. Somehow no one was hurt ! I feel daft mentioning my recent accident cause it was so minor but it's more convinced me I'm going to have an accident that'll be my fault and my insurance will shoot up rather than fear of being hurt.

Question- yes I absolutely do this! I have to have the radio on when I drive alone so I don't hear the engine so much. Otherwise any squeak I notice and panic! And I have spare oil, a tyre pump etc. Warning lights make me feel instantly sick.

Gosh I wish I had the option of dp driving. He's on the insurance but doesn't drive it. Used to drive the old one ocassionally until it started breaking then it only got driven when necessary and with the new one I don't dare let him because I'm worried he'll have an accident because he doesn't have his own for practise and I just couldn't afford another insurance increase, the car is worth about £1000 and the insurance is £700 with 2 years no claims! On a 1.2 litre engine! The accident I had was just a scrape, and I didn't even claim but it's so bad round here for accidents , my neighbours are forever coming to ask me to see if I saw someone hit their parked car!

Good work OP.. I'm delighted that you went and collected the furniture.

Anyone would become anxious having driven an unreliable car for so long- perfectly normal. Lots of people get anxious parallel parking with an audience - perfectly normal.

Don't catastrophise things or think you're particularly unusual - it's not a case of 'everyone else drives effortlessly'. Some do, some don't. There's degrees of skill and expertise, and as long as you're a safe, capable driver, you don't have to be 'born' to it.

In my opinion - whatever you do - DO NOT STOP DRIVING / BEGIN TO AVOID DRIVING. It will escalate and you will create yourself a proper phobia (I speak from experience). In my case, stopping driving just meant I avoided other things instead (not the same for everyone, I know). That said - I've been driving again for 10 years or more and I am pretty brilliant if I say so myself ;-)

You are fixating on driving when it sounds like actually you are a safe and careful driver. You don't like a few things about driving - so what - you can and do do them.

Get some private counselling if you can afford it. If not - get yourself a CBT app or book and give your head a shake (not totally kidding!).

It will get better, trust me. I've been driving for 25 years and when you do it more regularly, you get used to it and it becomes less of a worry.

You should look at some refresher courses to build your confidence and get you used to being on the roads. In terms of some of the posts on this thread, yes, accidents can happen. There are things you can do to try and avoid accidents, like keeping an eye on what other traffic is doing and paying attention to your surroundings.

Please don't give up and just never drive. I see so many women on here who can't or won't drive and rely on their DP/DH to drive, but if you're not in a place with good public transport, it can be very limiting for your independence.

I have so, so much sympathy for you OP. I'm exactly like this. I passed my test years ago but just haaate driving and am terrified of it. My DH is a fantastic driver and loves it, which is great in one sense, but the downside is that it's enabled me in my fear!!

and PS, OP... there are about eleventy million people who would never in a million years spot a big item on Facebook, commit to it and head out to buy it without 'someone going with them hun' etc etc...

the fact that you have the balls to do that sort of thing means you should defo give your head a wobble when panicking about the vague possibility of going an inch or two backward on a hill (and potentially putting your foot on the brake?!!!).

Another thing about Corsas is that the background engine noise is quite loud. I prefer to have the radio on even quietly on a talk station rather than listen to it. My friend took her second hand one back to the garage because of it and they (reluctantly) admitted it was a feature.
When they get older they sound like 'a bee in a tin can' at higher speeds, I believe

Completely agree with penguin

You're not silly, just had your confidence knocked with the accident and the stress of an unreliable vehicle. I second suggestions to take an advanced or refresher driving course if you can afford it and if street driving in unfamiliar areas is a problem set yourself short routes using the sat nav at quiet times of day or find a big supermarket parking lot and practice manoevring there. Don't give up, don't let this beat you, you can do it.

Keep going! I hate driving but keep plugging away and it is slightly getting less scary. It sounds like you're doing everything right to help yourself and I'm using this thread as guidance for myself, too. I still get my petrol in the dead of night to avoid scary busy forecourts!