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to think that school should not be reminding me of DD's exam?!

74 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 14:15

When I was taking my GCSE's a million years ago (I was the first year to do them), we were given our mock/actual exam timetables and that was it. We were expected to be at our exams on time, with the correct equipment and if we werent then tough. At no point was it considered to be our parents responsibility.

I have just received the third text in a week reminding me that DD has a mock exam tomorrow and to make sure she is there on time.

Why are they texting me and not her?! They all have assigned email addresses from school and she hasnt received a reminder.

AIBU to think that the school should be putting the responsibility onto the students rather than the parents? And to think that this is why you get kids hitting university expecting tutors to do everything for them and then getting their parents involved when it doesnt work like that?

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 18/06/2017 16:32

At the very least she should have been reminded too

Do you think she hasn't been? Confused Of course the school and her teachers will have been reminding her.

Anasnake · 18/06/2017 16:36

Schools can't win can they ??

titchy · 18/06/2017 16:38

its the way that it is all put onto me as if she has no personal responsibility.

It hasn't all been put onto you at all - it's just a reminder text. Mention it to her or ignore it. It's not a big deal or an indication that the school is absolving her of any responsibility. Some parents are interested in this stuff and want to know. Some parents don't have kids that communicate such things.

As Noble says do you really think the text you received was the first she'd ever heard about it?

sonjadog · 18/06/2017 16:44

It is great that you don´t need the text in your family, but some kids will need it and it is great that extra support is given to them by the school. As to not texting both of you, the texts are not free for the school to send. So sending to you both would double the cost, and why would a school do that when they can just send to one of you? It is more natural to send to the parents in this case, as the pupils are under age.

BrexitSucks · 18/06/2017 16:55

Please, PyongyangKipperbang, next time there is a thread on MN "I must make my reluctant teen study, how do I do that!?" can you also pop up to tell the parents to lay off? I am tired of being the only one who says sometimes you just have to leave kids to make their own mistakes. And that stepping back as a parent isn't the end of the world.

Still, even if I cracked no whips, I felt it was important (& my duty) to often remind to DS that exam results could be important and that he should think they were important too. That would have been easier (more tangible to both of us) if I had known when mocks & exam dates happened.

CrowyMcCrowFace · 18/06/2017 17:20

Suggest the school uses Google Classroom.

All my students get alerts, parents can download app if they want to helicopter, & not bother if they'd rather leave it to the kid.

leonardthelemming · 18/06/2017 17:27

Because GCSE students are still children, so yes, you do have some responsibility to make sure she attends.

I taught GCSE students for 35 years and I never considered them to be "children". Yes, I'm aware that the legal definition of a child is anyone under 18 but that's so they can benefit from child protection legislation, not because they really are. If adults think of and treat adolescents as children then they will start acting like children. Treat them as if they are more grown-up and they will act appropriately.
But yes, parents do have the responsibility for ensuring their children are educated, until they reach the school leaving age.

It was shitty in the past. Kids were left alone to their own devices too much.

And now they are wrapped in cotton wool and never given the opportunity to take any responsibility.

It's all part of the babyfication of our young adults.

Exactly! And it's wrong.

I get them for my sixth former.

This is really weird. Post-16 education is the student's responsibility, not the parents'.

Schools don't tend to have the kids' phone numbers and kids don't tend to check their school email regularly. The best way to get a message to them at home is through the parents.

But this is true. And I wouldn't expect the school to have the phone numbers of their pupils. Different for sixth-form, of course.

By same principle, would you expect the dr or hospital to text your minor dd if she needed treatment or a procedure? It's her body after all.

Actually, assuming she's​ Gillick competent (and at 15 or nearly that's probably the case) she can see a doctor and consent to treatment without parental knowledge so yes, that's probably reasonable. It may even be normal procedure - there's a notice in my local health centre explaining to young people about confidentiality and how their parents will not be informed.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 18/06/2017 17:48

Did she miss any other exams OP? Is there any concern about her performance?

Yes, it must be irritating, but it's even more irritating to be ringing up students on the morning of an exam to tell them they should be there- NOW!

If your DD is an organised, competent, motivated student, then it must seem like overkill. If not though, it may be necessary. After all, you expect her to be going to university in three years, which she will only do if she gets the grades beforehand.

There are threads bemoaning the fact that their offspring misread the timetable/ time of the exam/ subject. I wouldn't be worrying about an extra text.

barrygetamoveonplease · 18/06/2017 17:51

She's a child and as her parent you might reasonably want the information you need to support her.

But you don't.


PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 18:24

Oh please Barry , stop trying to imply that I dont give a shit about her or her education. Just stop, it makes you look foolish.

Thank you for the explainations from teachers, it hadnt crossed my mind that of course there would be parents who will blame everyone and anyone apart from their own child for missing an exam.

DD doesnt have any issues, she is on the G&T program so is expected to excel in her exams and does take it seriously, but I concede that it would be ridiculous of me to expect them to go through the whole year group and only text those who are deemed to need a reminder. I do think though that an email in their school account would have been better, in addition to a text if needs be. It isnt my exam and if I was th sort of parent who didnt give a toss then a text wouldnt change that would it, but a direct reminder to the student gives them a fighting chance.

And to whoever asked, of course I dont think that this is the only reminder DD has had Hmm

OP posts:
titchy · 18/06/2017 19:14

Errr OP - YOU'RE the one that said:

Its her exam and yet they havent reminded her

Sparklingbrook · 18/06/2017 19:21

Ds1 is in Year 13. They emailed his exam timetable to me and to him. It was helpful TBH, I wrote the exams on the kitchen planner and made sure he could have the car to get to school for them.

bigbluebus · 18/06/2017 19:34

I just used to ask DS for sight of his exam timetable so I knew when his exams were - especially for GCSE's and A Levels when he only needed to be in school/college for the acual exams as I may have been required for transport as we live in a rural area with limited public transport.

What I was astounded at was when I got a text at the end of Yr 13 when DS was 18 (nearly 19) saying he had failed to register for the last lesson of the day and asking me to ring and explain where he was. I was very tempted to ring them and ask why they had not contacted DS to ask why he had not turned up for his lesson but DS wouldn't let me - so I just ignored the message and no one bothered following it up!

Whatsername17 · 18/06/2017 20:05

There will be parents whose kids perform poorly due to lack of revision or preparedness who complain that if they'd know they would have intervened. Schools can not win.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 20:13

Titch I meant that if they are going to remind anyone then surely it should be her and not me. I didnt expect a reminder at all for either of us!

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 20:13

That is....a text reminder .

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 18/06/2017 20:13

The school want to give the pupils the best chance they can of getting to the exam and actually taking it. If that means keeping the parents in the loop so be it.

noblegiraffe · 18/06/2017 20:15

Schools don't have children's phone numbers to be texting them! And neither should they.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 20:17

No but they do have their email addresses from the school system.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 18/06/2017 20:19

Kids do not check their school email address.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 20:24

Mine do! But it looks like they are the exception to the rule.

OP posts:
BrexitSucks · 18/06/2017 20:44

I guess we all have different ideas about what it means to foster independence & support success. I sure do a lot of things that tell my kids "You Can do this" -- but that other MNers disagree with, don't think kids should be given that much independence.

The school trying to make sure parents are as supportive as they could be (and are informed that they need to make that support) doesn't seem like a terrible thing to me. I am much more bothered by our school making huge fuss about need for tonnes of revision starting every Easter break for end of yr exams (not GCSE yrs). They send out the same 5 page letter dense with graphics & text written at grade 13 level doom-mongering about results if the kids don't revise hugely. Fxxx that! I screech in reply.

barrygetamoveonplease · 18/06/2017 20:57

Oh please Barry , stop trying to imply that I dont give a shit about her or her education. Just stop, it makes you look foolish.
I'm sorry, OP - or maybe I'm not - but the only person looking foolish here is you. What a silly complaint you make - the school wants you to help your child and expects you to be interested. There should be a system for parents to log 'lack of interest' with the school when they register their children so that the school doesn't waste time and effort trying to help them.

WaxOnFeckOff · 18/06/2017 21:11

YANBU. Our school seems only to communicate by twitter nowadays. I'm in Scotland so our DC did their mocks in Jan/Feb and did their main exams in May. they were issued a timetable and expected to let their parents know if required (for transport etc.) School would tweet each evening what exams were on the next day. I received one text and that was a reminder for the students to bring their dictionary for French. They were clearly worried that some would come without it as that message was sent to DC via the homework portal as well as being tweeted and texted.

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