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AIBU?

to think that school should not be reminding me of DD's exam?!

74 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 14:15

When I was taking my GCSE's a million years ago (I was the first year to do them), we were given our mock/actual exam timetables and that was it. We were expected to be at our exams on time, with the correct equipment and if we werent then tough. At no point was it considered to be our parents responsibility.

I have just received the third text in a week reminding me that DD has a mock exam tomorrow and to make sure she is there on time.

Why are they texting me and not her?! They all have assigned email addresses from school and she hasnt received a reminder.

AIBU to think that the school should be putting the responsibility onto the students rather than the parents? And to think that this is why you get kids hitting university expecting tutors to do everything for them and then getting their parents involved when it doesnt work like that?

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VintagePerfumista · 18/06/2017 14:56

It is ridiculous, but I expect they do it for the reasons mentioned upthread.

There are always posts on here that have me (A levels 1984) shaking my head and saying wtf? Parents whose children manage to somehow miss whole years of coursework, assessed assignments etc etc. And it's always the school's fault because Barnaby can't be expected to remember diddums. There are posts on here with irate mammies stomping off to shout at university lecturers for not pandering enough to Barnaby and his precious needs. (obviously Barnaby will have been handheld all the way to his university interview in the first place)

Generation Snowflake, alive and well.

I'm thrilled that you think it's unreasonable- you're the great hope!

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Nikephorus · 18/06/2017 15:06

But text reminders are a standard thing these days - I get them for everything. So it's not someone sitting there and thinking "I must text OP to remind her" it's a standard automatic issue. Yes the kids should (generally) be capable of remembering but it doesn't hurt.

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PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 15:10

Yes. It is being described as a mock as they are doing it under official exam conditions but they are the end of year 10 exams.

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FlapAttack88 · 18/06/2017 15:11

Yabu

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realhousewifeoffitzrovia · 18/06/2017 15:13

YANBU. The texts should go to her.

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PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 15:20

So if your child flatly refused to revise, you also wouldn't mention it to her. Because it's her right to think qualifications are a load of bollox & she has no good reason to give a damn. Fair enough, I suppose.

I was that kid. And no amount of nagging mentioning it changed a damn thing. In fact it made me worse.

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PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 15:22

I have no issue with them texting her, its her exam after all. Or even texting us both, but why just me as if its all on me and nothing to do with her?

They have regular emails into their school accounts, so why not email her? She has checked and they havent emailed.

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TheMysteriousJackelope · 18/06/2017 15:23

If you think your child is capable of remembering exam dates and what needs to be brought into the exam then ignore the texts.

Some parents have chaotic lives with no ability to organize for a whole host of reasons. Their children will not have had an upbringing where organization and planning become second nature. It is families like these that the texts are aimed at. Yes, the children will have issues at work and university because of it. The school can't fix the underlying causes, they can just band aid by issuing reminders.

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TheMysteriousJackelope · 18/06/2017 15:25

X-post, I see they aren't reminding the pupils as well. That is strange. Maybe someone chose the wrong distribution list. Contact the school and let them know in case they meant to send the message to the students and messed up.

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StillDrivingMeBonkers · 18/06/2017 15:25

Some parents - clearly not your self - like that level of interaction. It keeps them informed. You can choose whether to use the information in the text or read it and keep it to your self. You aren't compelled to micro manage your daughter. How many times do we read on here where schools are very poor at communication?

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nocoolnamesleft · 18/06/2017 15:25

I bet you in a previous year they had a kid miss their exam, and the parents threatening to sue for not having been informed. A bit like why cafes have "the hot soup is hot, don't burn yourself" notices.

I happen to think telling the parents as well is a good idea. But then...one of my friends managed to think one of her A level papers was in the afternoon...

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PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 15:30

Mysterious

It was worded "Jane (not her real name) has a mock exam......" so it was definitely for me and not her.

As I said, why not text/email both of us? If I was the sort of parent who didnt give a toss about what she did or whether she attended school then I probably wouldnt bother to tell her about it would I? Whereas if she is a kid trying her best with a chaotic homelife then the reminder going to her would be much more useful.

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Unicorn81 · 18/06/2017 15:30

My parents didnt have a clue which exams i had never mind the times. I lived 30mins away by bus and made sure i was there on time while my parents were working.

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noblegiraffe · 18/06/2017 15:35

Schools don't tend to have the kids' phone numbers and kids don't tend to check their school email regularly. The best way to get a message to them at home is through the parents.

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IHateUncleJamie · 18/06/2017 15:37

I almost posted my first biscuit. Does it really matter, in the great scheme of things? I get emails from school giving me DD's yr 12 exam timetable; I put them in the family calendar IF dd hasn't already done so.

Maybe school has had some students not attending exams so have decided to inform parents instead? It's 2 seconds out of your day; I can't see the problem.

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WellThatSucks · 18/06/2017 15:42

Nike Precisely. I get reminders from everyone from my dentist to ticketmaster. I'm an adult so, presumably I should be able to remember all these things like I used to have to with all the little cards and calendar notes. Damn you modern procedures and technology for infantilising me and eroding my self-reliance skills.

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PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 15:43

Its her exam and yet they havent reminded her, surely at the very least it should be sent to both of us?

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drinkingtea · 18/06/2017 15:48

I agree with you

Although I'd have liked my parents to be reminded by text about the A level exam I nearly missed because they offered to drive me in instead of me catching the bus (there were only a few buses per day to our village, one being basically a school bus and the next being hours later) and then when it was time to leave refused to because my 16 year old sister was having a temper tantrum... I very nearly missed the exam, and had to be let in sweaty and frazzled after the doors had shut...

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WellThatSucks · 18/06/2017 15:53

Maybe they should send the students one too but you're premise appears to be that you, the parent, shouldn't be getting a text at all. By same principle, would you expect the dr or hospital to text your minor dd if she needed treatment or a procedure? It's her body after all.

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WellThatSucks · 18/06/2017 15:53

*your not you're

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Enko · 18/06/2017 16:02

I am with you OP I get them for dd1 who is 19 and legally able to vote so why do I need to be told she has a assembly the next day she needs to get their by her own steam.

DD3 who is 13 her school will send a monthly email of this is what will happen I like that means I can work out whhat and where but it is still DD3s responsibility.

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PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 16:03

Given that i would have to give consent for any sort of medical procedure, thats even comparable.

I just dont agree with the babying of students in this way. At the very least she should have been reminded too, its the way that it is all put onto me as if she has no personal responsibility. I really do think that its things like this that lead to young people who have no concept of self reliance, and always expect their parents to sort stuff out for them.

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PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 16:04

not even comparable

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Iseesheep · 18/06/2017 16:07

I work in post-grad education and it's not difficult to pick out the adults who were reliant on other people to do their thinking and organising for them.

Parents: do your kids a massive favour and let them get on with getting their arses into GCSE exams without help. It's not exactly difficult.

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KickAssAngel · 18/06/2017 16:08

You're right - she should be expected to do this herself. But as a teacher of that age group, I can guarantee that there will be at least one parent, if not many, who complain loudly that they 'didn't know' and 'should have been reminded' and 'couldn't be expected to check the website for everything'.

For the real exams, those parents will then a) refuse to pay for the missed exam, and b) threaten to sue the school for destroying their child's life chances. If only the school had reminded them, their child would now be a rocket scientist and earning eleventy billion pounds a day.

Believe me - I have seen this happen on many, many occasions.

Schools would love not to have to spend the time and money on these kinds of things. Now, if you can just convince the rest of the world to be sensible, problem solved.

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