To say something to my friend re her stretching my dress...

[friendsornot]

I have a friend who is going for job interviews. She is bigger than me and asked me to borrow some work clothes to wear to interviews. I just said I don't think I'll have anything that fits her. She said but I used to be the same size as her so I just have something (I was overweight now normal she is still overweight) but I don't think we were ever the same size
She came round a few weeks ago walked in my bedroom & started looking through my clothes ( we have been friends since we were teenagers so I think she felt comfortable doing it even though it was a decade ago we used to rummage through each other's wardrobe) and starts picking things she thinks might fit her. Before I can say anything she's got a dress on and saying it fits her. It really didn't and was stretched so badly. I tried to tell her nicely that she might need a bigger size but she seemed so happy that size stretched over her I didn't want to push it as she's really sensitive about how she looks. I am now a smaller size so hopefully won't need it but it was a lot of money for me and I was hoping to either sell it or tbh I've gone back up couple of stone since last year so perhaps I might need it again one day soon.

Anyway she's given it back and it's now stretched and basically ruined, completely baggy around the bum area. Aibu to say something and if so what would you say?! I can't afford another one and as it's part of a suit I can't really replace the whole outfit either.

Since you can't wear the dress yourself because it is too big for you anyway so you could put the dress at the front of your wardrobe and use it as an incentive to not gain back the weight you have lost .

Or as others have said give it to your friend since she likes it so much.

It sounds as though you need to go through your wardrobe and get rid of stuff you no longer wear because it doesn't fit. Hanging on to stuff "in case " you put the weight back on is not a positive attitude. The weight has gone, you now eat healthily and exercise and that is how your life is going to continue.

I would tell her "since you stretched my dress and didn't even bother getting it cleaned before returning it, it's no good to me any more, here you go, you might as well have it".

It depends whether you value the dress or the friendship more. I am also interested in the material of the dress! I'm fat and I have a lot of dresses, yes some do get stretched when I wear them but spring back into shape after washing.

So:
She went into your bedroom, and through your wardrobe, without checking it was ok.
She tried on a dress without asking.
She (presumably) makes you feel like you can't object.
She gave it back stretched and unwashed....

Do you have other/better friends, OP?!

I'd give it to her, and suggest that she keep its now it's stretched. She might be annoyed, but if it means you see less of her...is that bad?

Wash it and put it in the drier? I don't think it's worth upsetting her/ruining your friendship over

Also, the loss of a suit that doesn't fit any more is actually no loss at all, unless you go back to that size. Do you think you would have needed it again in the future?

You shouldn't have let her try on any clothes.

As she was asking to borrow something for a job interview, she's probably broke and can't afford to replace the dress. You may as well give her the horribly unflattering dress given it's ruined and just be firm in the future about letting her into your home.

I think this is a lesson learned for you. Be more assertive!

Say no and mean it.

She should at least pay for the dry cleaning!

I was overweight now normal

It's too late I'm afraid.

Silver, what on earth is wrong with that?

Overnight
Normal weight
Underweight

Your so-called friend was monumentally rude. What sort of slob returns a borrowed dress without washing it first? Ugh!

Going against the grain here: I'd have to say something in your place. It was an expensive dress and she must have realised it didn't really fit her.

she DIDN'T CLEAN IT ?£$% Who returns clothing they have borrowed and worn without cleaning it first. eughhhhhh.

WTF is 'normal weight'???

If it ruined and says dry clean only I would risk a cold wash (and then a hotter one if it didn't work) as this can work wonders.

What is the composition?

Yes I lost four stone over the last few years and since last year have put two back on and would ideally not put the rest back on but have just been a bit out of control recently so no idea if I'll use it again. The suit was a lot of money to me (designer) but i got it in the sale so I can't replace it.
Re 'overweight to normal' sorry if I've offended I mean I'm now normal bmi but was in obese range previously.
I'm not sure of material. Will check when home.

Really silver?

It's the normal weight for your gender and height. Too much = overweight. Too little = underweight

Really nothing to get yourself in a tidy about.

Would you prefer

Unhealthy
Healthy
Unhealthy

Tidy = twist!

Silver

Clearly op means healthy bmi. I don't think these responses are helpful. Your responses are not normal. HTH.

My friend is definitely not broke. She does however need the job. If it had been one of my every day suits I would have just left it with her but it's just I can't afford to replace this one.
I should have said something at the time. But that's part of why I'm asking. Because I'm not sure what to do! I'm thinking now best leave it.

"WTF is 'normal weight'???"

It's an alternative way of describing "average", "usual" or "typical". But you knew that and are looking for a reason to be offended. For reasons I could articulate but won't for politeness' sake. But we're getting side-tracked about trivialities here.

The subject at hand is that the OP didn't feel she had a choice about this "friend" rooting through her wardrobe, she tried something on when her back was turned and without permission, took it although it clearly didn't fit her properly and then returned it unlaundered and ruined. What kind of friend would do such a thing? Not a decent friend, that's for sure!

In the same place I'd give it to the friend as it's unusable now and will be in the future, and I'd say why.

OP: think yourself lucky. I loaned my sister a rather nice, expensive and unworn frock for the funeral of our father. Even thought I'd planned to wear it myself because what she was going to wear was unflattering and border-line unsuitable and I had something else but which I liked a lot less . I've never got the ruddy thing back X years later!

NHS web page:

Underweight: BMI is less than 18.5.
<strong>Normal</strong> weight: BMI is 18.5 to 24.9.
Overweight: BMI is 25 to 29.9.
Obese: BMI is 30 or more.

just so the person who rolls their eyes knows..

It is not rude to tell someone they have stretched out clothes they took from you. She could be a perfectly healthy weight but still stretch out the clothes of a person much thinner or of a very different build.

The chances are she'd get offended and there would be a row so it is up to you whether or not you want to be bothered with that.

I suspect giving her the dress back would be the way to go, and if she asks to borrow clothes in the future tell her 'No, I don't loan out clothes any more', and point her in the direction of those websites where you can buy and sell second hand clothes.

Ffs it's sex and height. Not gender and height.

And of course there's a "normal" weight! 🙄