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Food compromise

25 replies

moutonfou · 17/06/2017 23:01

One of the areas I find most difficult to compromise on in a relationship is food, especially when I'm trying to eat healthily or save money.

I'd happily be mostly vegetarian - not really for ethical or health reasons, I'm just not mad on meat and it's so expensive compared to other food. When I lived alone I'd just eat a lot of beans, lentils, etc. I'd also naturally eat lighter meals - e.g. sometimes just have beans on toast for tea or some crumpets.

DH always wants to eat a proper hot meal with meat in. He never really feels like lighter meals like fish or salad, he always goes straight for the heavier stuff like pasta.

So we have to find compromises but it wears me down. Sometimes I just really want to eat what I want to eat and he probably does too.

AIBU to ask how others deal with this? Do you make separate meals? Variations on the same meal? Or just both eat meals that aren't really what either of you want?

OP posts:

19lottie82 · 17/06/2017 23:34

Just eat separate meals. Why would you force yourself, or him, to eat something you didn't want to?


corythatwas · 17/06/2017 23:36

Make a food plan at the beginning of the week which includes everybody's preferences in turn is what we do. I'm quite keen on veggie, dh would like to avoid too much fried stuff and ds wants MEAT. So we take it in turns to get what we want.

Means everybody has to compromise part of the time but nobody has to compromise all the time.


AlternativeTentacle · 17/06/2017 23:39

I cook so he has what is on offer. In 11 years he has never turned one meal down. I am veggie and he isn't but he just eats meat when he eats out.


goose1964 · 17/06/2017 23:44

Think of veggie meals that aren't obviously veggie, frittata or pasta with veggies, macaroni cheese etc


AdaColeman · 17/06/2017 23:44

Come up with a menu that is a main meal for you and a side dish for DH, for instance, aubergine parmigian for both of you with the addition of grilled lamb chops for DH.
Or vegetable curry for both of you plus baked chicken for DH, lentil and vegetable stew for both plus baked sausages for DH.


Joffmognum · 17/06/2017 23:46

If you work similar hours, I'd ask him to cook his own food. If you were a SAHP, I'd say either cook different meals or split choices throughout the week.


ToodlePipsqueak · 17/06/2017 23:47

Dp is a pescetarian, I'm a lapsed vegetarian and eat meat/fish sometimes now. We mostly eat the same meals - vegetarian usually, sometimes some fish. Occasionally I'll want a steak and I'll have that and he will have a veggie burger and we have the same sides for example. Some nights we will eat completely separate things.


ToodlePipsqueak · 17/06/2017 23:48

Oh and if we eat different things we each cook our own food.


justkeeponsmiling · 17/06/2017 23:49

I'm veggie, the rest of the family is not. They either have ro eat veggie or I cook two meals. Life is too short for me to not cook food I enjoy eating, so if the rest of the family won't enjoy what I fancy I'll happily make two meals.


AlmostAJillSandwich · 17/06/2017 23:49

You cook what you want for you, he cooks what he wants for him, it's very simple.


VerityHabitat · 17/06/2017 23:57

I won't go into details but 18 years down the line and unless we eat out, DH & I eat different meals at different times. Although DH tends to eat a "big lunch" so often isn't hungry in the evenings anyway.

Neither of us has adapted to the other! Can't see it happening now.


indigox · 17/06/2017 23:58

Cook your own food and he can cook his. Simple enough.


Justanothernameonthepage · 18/06/2017 00:00

The person who cooks plans the meal. It does mean on DH days we have very traditional type meals.
Generally though, we have 2 fish meals a week, 2 Veggie and 3 meat.


toffeeboffin · 18/06/2017 00:20

Tough really.

I'm British, DH is French so he doesn't understand my beans on toast and jacket potato obsession!

However, he is very much a chicken and salad guy at night, which is great for ease and weight loss.

I do the cooking so tend to do chicken, steak, salads for evening then eat a baked spud for lunch if I fancy it.

I think if he's expecting you to cook a massive, complicated meal every night he needs to get real : just do easy stuff.


SaS2014 · 18/06/2017 02:11

Even after 10 years of living together dh and I rarely eat the same meal. And it's 50/50 on whether or not we eat at same time.


MrsOverTheRoad · 18/06/2017 02:23

We have this OP. My DH is less interested in meat and fish than I am...I don't need or want it daily...but about three times a week or I tend to get aneamic.

I cook as I'm at home but he complains if there's too much meat based I tend to make things where simply not eating the meat won't compromise the rest.

So I will cook for example 4 or even 5 roast veg...and some chops...he can leave the chops if he wants and just eat the veg. Or I will make a nice dahl and offer that with salad but I will cook myself a chicken breast too.


MrsOverTheRoad · 18/06/2017 02:25

When I cook roast veg I add roast garlic and make a "sauce" which is to drizzle over the veg so it's not too dry...the "sauce" is just balsamic vinegar, olive oil and honey.


MrsOverTheRoad · 18/06/2017 02:25

Forgot to mention I will also add rosemary to the veg so it's a bit nicer.


PyongyangKipperbang · 18/06/2017 02:57

It depends.

If he is happy to do 50% of the shopping and cooking then take it in turns. So he does his meat dinners every other day and you do your veggie/light meals every other day. Or maybe you take it in turns on week days and eat out at the weekend if it affordable.

But if he expects you to do the cooking and shopping then he gets what he is given.


PetalMePotts · 18/06/2017 06:55

My OH and I eat entirely different meals. We both shop and cook for ourselves. My eldest DS and his partner do the same. It really works so much better for us.


Me264 · 18/06/2017 07:53

I'm vegetarian and my DH isn't, and is rarely happy to eat veggie. We usually cook a variation on the same meal. Chicken curry for him, veggie for me. Chili con carne with proper mince for him and veggie mince for me etc.


raindropstea · 18/06/2017 08:01

I can relate. I didn't realize it til recently but I guess I follow kind of a strict diet in some ways - but I don't consider it a diet, it's just my lifestyle. I cut out white breads, pastas, etc quite a few years ago. I like the Mediterranean diet. Ever since being with my partner, I find it hard to stay on this. He buys loads of white breads, pastas, etc. He eats beef and I don't. If he makes food, he will pile my plate up so high that it would be enough for 2-3 people. It actually kind of disgusts me to have a plate that full of food put in front of me.

I find that I just have to do the shopping myself and buy my own if I want to eat how I want to eat. He's never heard of things like brown rice pasta, etc. But when I eat how he eats, I find myself feeling in a bad mood/anxious/upset.

Separate meals (can you meal prep for you just you?) or you being the one making the meal might be the only way.


Ninabean17 · 18/06/2017 08:03

Just eat what you want. Me and my husband don't always want the same thing so we just cook separate meals.


MsHippo · 18/06/2017 08:16

We have the same meals but often different components or side dishes e.g. Meatballs - he will have a sub with cheese etc, I would have a big salad. Grilled chicken and cous cous - I add raita and a big pile of roast veg and he will often have a tomato based sauce. It makes us feel like we are eating together but we each get our preferences. There are also quite a lot of meals we do share completely like broccoli pasta, risotto, roasts/stews although we eat those more in winter.


AceholeRimmer · 18/06/2017 10:19

When me and DP eat the same food I put a lot of weight on as he loves meat, cheese and carbs! I'm back to eating what I like to eat (I love what he eats but not the effect) so we cook seperately but still eat at the same time so it's all good.

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