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To feel really self conscious alone

27 replies

iridescentblue · 17/06/2017 21:28

And most weekends I am alone for most of the time. I might see a friend for a couple of hours on Saturday or Sunday but that's it.

I find most things - shopping, walks in the parks, a nice lunch out - that I might like to do have couples and families there and just aren't that much fun on my own. And surrounded by families I feel self conscious. The only thing I can comfortably do alone it seems is exercise. Does anyone feel the same?

OP posts:

AmIthatbloodycold · 17/06/2017 21:39

Absolutely, 100% agree. I can't offer you advice, only commiserations

You'll get posters saying how brilliant it is to go to the cinema alone, etc but I totally get you

It's shit.


VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 17/06/2017 21:46

Self consciousness is it what's in your own mind. No one looking at you knows you feel that way.

Do you judge others you see alone? If so, why? If not, what makes you think others are judging you?


Want2beme · 17/06/2017 21:49

YANBU. I feel the same way. But I actually can't be bothered going anywhere recently. I've made enquiries about a language course I want to do and the lovely teacher told me the course will hopefully start in September, but in the meantime everyone meets for a coffee in town on Thursday mornings and to come along, but I just can't bring myself to do so. What is wrong with me??!!


MrsTerryPratchett · 17/06/2017 21:52

Why do you feel self-conscious? Because of what you think they are thinking? They probably aren't thinking anything and, even if they are, if they are thinking mean things you don't have to care about their opinion.


Mupflup · 17/06/2017 21:55

When I was single and spent a lot of weekends alone I felt exactly like you do, but I did a bit of investigating and worked out that in my area there was one cafe that weirdly I didn't feel self conscious in for some reason, so I used to rock up there alone regularly with a book or the papers for breakfast or lunch. No other cafes or coffee shops mind you, just this particular one! So it might be worth being brave and having a look around.

Shopping I tend to go alone by choice anyway as other people hinder me!


iridescentblue · 17/06/2017 21:57

Thanks for replying and I'm glad it isn't just me!

I can't explain why I feel self conscious. I just do!

OP posts:

SquidgeyMidgey · 17/06/2017 22:10

When I was single I felt like that. Now I'm married I could give 2 hoots. It's a confidence thong for me.


SquidgeyMidgey · 17/06/2017 22:10

Thing! I dont walk around in my confidence thong Grin


HildaOg · 17/06/2017 22:14

I don't care about being out alone. I like it because I feel in control. I can do what I want when I want. The only thing I wouldn't do alone is go to the pub. That would look a bit sad.


Crispsheets · 17/06/2017 22:14

I've been into London alone today. Had coffee, a g and t in a bar and then lunch in a restaurant. I enjoy it. I only see my partner every six weeks.
I've always gone out alone....I love food and a nice drink. Not so much in the evening but definitely during the day


iridescentblue · 17/06/2017 22:23

Grin at confidence thong!

OP posts:

user1496604328 · 17/06/2017 22:23

Do you have children op?
Don't they go with you so your not alone?
I think it's a confidence thing.


user1496604328 · 17/06/2017 22:25



iridescentblue · 17/06/2017 22:29

No, just me Sad

OP posts:

ElleDubloo · 17/06/2017 22:30

I used to feel like this when I was single. But now I'm married and have two kids permanently clinging to my legs, I do look with envy at people who are out and about alone! I'd love to go to the market, or read a book in a coffee shop, or see a film, or eat out in a nice restaurant, by myself. That would be a true luxury :)


ghostyslovesheets · 17/06/2017 22:31

yes what is it making you feel that way?

I love being alone - will happily dine alone, go to gigs, shows, cinema alone, maybe people are thinking 'aww poor sad stood up/no mates lady' or actually they aren't thinking anything at all - either way it has zero impact on me really - so I don't notice or care

I have been single by choice for 8 years now - bliss


Birdsgottaf1y · 17/06/2017 22:40

Those saying that they now like going out alone, because they enjoy time away from their Partner/children are not in the same boat at all.

It's like window shopping when you are poor, compared to being able to afford whatever you want.

My solution to walking alone used to be to have a dog.

I can't go to group things, there's walking groups on FB, but i can' bring myself to join.

Outside of my own city i don't mind being alone, because it's assumed that your killing time if you go the pictures etc.


OliveSoap · 17/06/2017 22:43

What Elle said. I remember when I had my baby, and was pushing a permanently grizzling two month old around north London parks and praying for death, I used to fixate on women who were by themselves, and envy them desperately. Especially women cycling around on old policeman bicycles in nice coats, or sitting by themselves in cafes or under trees, drinking coffee and writing novels in notebooks. Sigh.

If a random redhead in black with an 'ebullient' blonde five year old was eyeballing you in a park today, I was envying you, I promise.


nocoolnamesleft · 17/06/2017 22:45

Kindles are fantastic. Feel much comfier going out for a meal alone, now that I can pull something to read out of my handbag.


Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 17/06/2017 22:54

There's no quick fix cure for lack of confidence.. except perhaps cocaine! But seriously, it will take a bold move on your part to step outside your comfort zone, and start broadening your horizons..easier said than done, I know, but it does get easier and your confidence will come. You only live once!


ZerbaPadnaTigre · 17/06/2017 23:13

Last time I went to the cinema alone, there were three other people also on their own. I don't feel self-conscious doing that because I've seen loads of other people at the cinema on their own in the couple of years I've been going on my own and so conscious of other people doing the same. It's not like sitting silently in the dark for two hours is a super social activity anyway.

With shopping, if you look, you'll see loads of other people on their own and nobody thinks anything of it. They have no idea if you're having a day out alone or have just nipped out for one specific thing or are on your way to meet somebody or just passing through on your way to work or whatever.

I'm with you on feeling self-conscious going out for food on my own though. I always feel like it looks like I've been stood up.


TathitiPete · 18/06/2017 03:54

Oh, I'm sorry OP but I feel pretty much the opposite! I prefer doing things like trips, cinema, shopping on my own because then I don't have to worry about accommodating someone else's needs. But you obviously feel different so what is it that you feel self conscious about? Do you feel that people ate looking at or judging you? Or is it that you feel lonely and would prefer to have a friend with you? Because I think that those two are very different things.


iridescentblue · 18/06/2017 07:00

I do feel lonely and I feel things aren't as enjoyable. Cinema is a bit different. But even that is more of a night out with a friend. I also feel sad.

OP posts:

oneisoneandallalone · 18/06/2017 07:31

I don't feel self-conscious as such, but I don't feel there's much point in having lunch on my own or going to the cinema - I can eat lunch at home watching a film on my own and not feel I've 'wasted' money by going out for the sake of it.

My mum tells me all the time to just go for a coffee, and I know I can take a book so I'm not sitting feeling like Billy no mates (even though that is what I am!) but it seems a bit pointless so I stay at home.

However, I have joined a group for a Sunday evening activity as I am aware 'there's no point in going out' is not a healthy attitude to have so I am trying to get out and meet people who are not work colleagues.


ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/06/2017 07:38

I'm not on my own so might be talking out of my arse but what about going along to a walking group? Our local town has a time you just rock up to it. Should imagine there are a few single people, and if not there's the walking guide to talk to if everyone is hooked up.

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