DH's days off

[startwig1982]

I currently teach 3 days a week and we are fortunate enough to be paying off our mortgage next year so DH is also going down to three days, which is fab as he suffers from depression and struggles with school life sometimes.

He's managed to get three whole days a week of teaching(which is quite unusual with time tabling issues). He is moaning because one of his two days off a week will be spent with dd, who's at nursery 4 days a week and one with me once a fortnight. He was under the impression that he was going to have 2 days off a week by himself and now he's upset.

Aibu to think he's being a tad ungrateful?

Of course he is being ungrateful.

I'm confused - do you mean he doesn't want extra time to spend with his young child? I thought that was why parents want to reduce their hours usually, to not miss the childhood years. Or have I misunderstood?

YANBU. Really you will only need 1 day a week childcare if you work different days? When they start school he will get a bit more time, but honestly 1 day per week to himself is a whole day more than most parents get

I think he's very lucky only to be working a few days a week. Why is he upset his own child is putting him out

He is being extremely unreasonable.

If he is so arsed why not have a weekend day to himself? It is ridiculous though that he can't look after his child for the day.

He's perfectly capable of looking after her, he just wanted two days a week to himself!
Generally he is great but he can be selfish when it comes to things like this.

Is your daughter in nursery on the days when you're off? Yes it's a bit crap that he doesn't want to spend time with his daughter but maybe he really needs some down time alone. I work 4 days and my husband has recently started working from home, I am really missing that alone time, I'm a complete introvert and deal with a child with special needs and DH who has mental health issues and need that 1 day quiet down time to recharge. I now find myself staying up late after everyone has gone to bed as it's the only alone time I get.

You probably need to talk about what each of your expectations are with working three days. I'm not saying that you're being unreasonable but there may be reasons why he is disappointed.

I currently have one day with dd and one day by myself to do housework. He will have the same, so still one whole day by himself a week. I get the wanting to have time by himself but he's being over the top about it.

Presumably there has to be some pay-back for his reduced income, so that arrangement sounds very fair.

and I bet he doesn't spend 'his' day doing housework

and I bet he doesn't spend 'his' day doing housework

Precisely my thoughts.

Does he not get time to himself during the school holidays? agree with slightlypeturbed that he won't do housework on his day to himself

Hmmm time to spell out less income = less money and nursery savings required also he'll have to increase his share of the chores!

Surely she'll be at school soon so it's only for a year max?

Forgot to say not working isn't the grand 'holiday' it's cracked up to be unless you have oodles of disposable cash to have fun with - I say this as a sahm to four dc 8 years to 4 months old.

It will be good for his mental health to think of his dd during his day off. tell him that.

Wow he sounds like a twat!

thatwould that's so true. The trade-off of more time/less money is not something everyone would be able to cope with/want to do. People are so different

Make sure you get all the household jobs listed and divided equally

Fuck sake. The warmth is all encompassing.

Don't know what to say...my dh would be fine to have more time just him and the kids. I think it's quite weird and a bit of a shame that he's moaning about it. Sad like.

I imagine this is the depression driving this, it isn't the same as a well person going part time and just wanting to be selfish and lazy.

Depression itself is exhasuting, as is keeping up the effort to manage and stay well and/or the pretence of managing.

Perhaps he was just looking forward to being able to let go for a couple of days a week and just 'be' without other people around. That would be restful and really, if you have a medical condition, then you need to build time in to life to manage it/ live with it. Not just fight it and struggle all the time. Sometimes we have no choice but to just keep up the struggle, but who wouldn't want a break from that if the chance arose?

He might not want this complete respite forever, but perhaps the prospect of at last having time alone, the pressure off and a rest has been quite a motivator for him and has been clinging to it to keep him going in the mean time.

If he weren;t ill, then different, but if ill then its a factor

Doh, slow internet cross post with TwoBlueFish

I currently have one day with dd and one day by myself to do housework

'That's great Husband. It means I will only have to do half a day's housework on my 'days off' and will actually get half a day off! Shall we decide now which chores I'll do on my half a day off and which you will do? Excellent'.

The other option he had is he works 4 days.

Then he gets to choose whether he spends his one day off looking after his daughter or doing housework.

He sounds quite horrible.

He's not horrible: he suffers from depression so his slant on things is a bit skewed. I needed somewhere to vent as it's not helpful telling him that he's being unreasonable!