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AIBU?

In the amount of time I want DH to have DS?

60 replies

Chunkymonkey123 · 16/06/2017 20:54

First post on mumsnet so sorry if I don't explain well.

We have a 11 week old DS who is great but fights going to sleep so before each nap we have a crying/shouting period before he gives in. During the day I normally take him out in the pram or car for naps so he is not over tired and he normally wakes shortly after getting home. My DH gets home about 6pm, I normally expect him to have DS until he goes to sleep around 10pm apart from when I am breastfeeding to give me a break because as I am breastfeeding I do all the night feeds (still 3 hourly!) as well as having him all day.

DS does cry A LOT in the evenings and DH is getting annoyed and says he has no break as goes to work then has DS all evening. I do feel bad but then if he doesn't have him in the evenings when do I get a break? During my break from DS I do the cooking, washing etc. that I don't get done during the day. AIBU?

OP posts:
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WhatWouldGenghisDo · 17/06/2017 18:59

It'll get much easier very soon. In theory at least the evening screaming should start tailing off in the next few weeks and then I hope you will get some actual downtime Brew

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TheweewitchRoz · 17/06/2017 19:04

Op it's a hard time & sounds like you're both doing your best. It does get easier, honestly.

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LRDtheFeministDragon · 17/06/2017 19:12

YANBU.

Personally, I wouldn't want to do things your way, as I'd rather split both the nights and the fussy period. Which is what DP and I do with our nearly-12-week-old baby.

I do think that housework is a relative break from the baby. So is work-work. But that has to count for both of you.

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LRDtheFeministDragon · 17/06/2017 19:15

Sorry, pressed post too soon.

If he's so against this arrangement, might he consider getting up at, say, 4am so you can sleep from 4 until he leaves for work? If he leaves around 8 you'd get 4 hours which would help. Then you could split then evenings too, and he could have the baby for two hours when he gets in and then swap (or vice versa).

Unless he's something terrifyingly attention-grabbing at work, like a brain surgeon, he'll be fine.

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TheWildRumpyPumpus · 17/06/2017 19:27

The only way we got through the early months was with a 'We're in this together' mentality. When DH got in at about 5.30 I'd take myself off for an hours doze and get up to join in bath time. From that point one or other of us would cook while the other fed/bounced the baby and we'd pop him in his rocker while we are.

There were many long evenings in front of the TV while passing DS back and forth, shushing/patting, walking up and down.

I'd go to bed first and DH did all wakings up to midnight. Then my shift until 6am, then DH took over until he went to work at 8.

It sucked a huge amount, we were both knackered and grouchy and I had PND - the fact we were both going through it made it bearable.

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Calvinlookingforhobbs · 17/06/2017 19:48

It sounds like he is CMPA. And take him to a chiropractor. I have been in your shoes and it is bloody hard.

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TheDogAteMyGoatskinVellum · 17/06/2017 20:08

OP, DH having a good night's sleep to look forward to is very much part of the point. Hugely so. Please don't allow any of the posts on here to make you think otherwise.

You and him are getting wildly differing amounts of rest, which is why it's perfectly legitimate for you to be getting wildly different amounts of the small 'leisure' time available (putting that in inverted commas since inevitably, with a small baby, doing the washing up ends up feeling like leisure).

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K1092902 · 17/06/2017 21:01

You need to take it in turns. Me and DH did when we had DD. It did help that she was bottle fed.

He would come in at 5pmm and then I'd go and chill in a bath/watch some TV/go for a walk alone for an hour while he looked after DD and cooked dinner. Then he would chill until 7pm with his tea and TV while I had my tea, fed DD and gave her her bath and put her to bed. Then the next night we would do it the opposite way round so in an evening it was split 50/50. Saturday mornings would be my time, Sunday morning DHs time. Once a month we would both have a DD free day to spend as we liked- usually DH would play golf and I would go for lunch or shopping with friends. We also had DSD who was 15 when DD was born who helped out here and there and babysit one evening a week so me and DH could go out- otherwise we would of hired a babysitter.

I'd do light housework in the day and then big cleaning jobs were split between both of us at a weekend with DSD helping out.

DD is now 3 and we both work until late so in the week she put to bed. Weekends are pretty much the same.

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IntrusiveBastards · 17/06/2017 21:19

Could he be colicky op? Have you tried colief and gripe water?

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BelfastSmile · 17/06/2017 21:33

A word of consolation, OP - you're probably almost past the worst of it for evening fussiness. It gets so much better after the 3-month mark (assuming DS wasn't premature).

It's a killer, though, spending all day with a baby and then being stuck on the couch all evening too, plus night feeds. Yes, your DH has been working too, but unless his job is very stressful then he's probably getting more of a break than you are during the day (even if your baby naps, if he's not a great sleeper then you never really know how much of a break you're going to get - at least if your DH has him for half an hour, you KNOW it's half an hour that's yours).

With breastfeeding, though, it's best to keep feeding on demand in these early days - it will make things easier in the long run.

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