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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wwyd? Play date including dinner

39 replies

ItalianWiking84 · 16/06/2017 07:03

I'm not British so apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes.

We live in Denmark. Dd2 is 3 and had just started kindergarten. She is loving it and is making new friends which is great.
She sits everyday for lunch next to a Chinese girl and they have enjoy playing together. The other day when I dropped her of the girl came and asked if dd could play with her outside kindergarten. I said yes and that I could try arranging something with her dad. Yesterday at pick up I see the dad on the way in and he says the girls wanna play together, would dd like to come home with us Monday and play. Yes I say sounds great. Then he says she can just stay for dinner and you can pick up after or I drop her off. The girls come running at the same time and he then says to dd and his dd, so your playing Monday together and dd eats at ours.

The thing is I know from dd that the girls has a rather unique lunch compared to most Danes and eat food like squirt, oysters, mussels. It's not like dd is particularly picky but I'm afraid if she won't eat/like the dinner and then perhaps say something rude or refuse to eat it. On the other hand it would look weird I think now if I come and say No dinner.

How do I go about this? What would you do?

OP posts:

Original poster

ItalianWiking84 · 16/06/2017 07:05

For clarification I have absolutely no issues with her being Chinese or her dad not speaking fluent Danish.

OP posts:

Note3 · 16/06/2017 07:08

If it was me I would give it a go as if your DD doesn't eat the food offered either the host family will offer something else or you can just feed her when you collect (go with snacks in bag for journey home).

Most parents my children have dinner with ask me what they don't like or tell me what they are cooking and I can then discuss if any slight changes may be needed. If your DD is hungry I'm sure she'd manage something to eat and if not it isn't for long

JellyBellies · 16/06/2017 07:08

The parents are probably well aware that they eat different food and they won't serve visiting 3 year olds the same food. She will probably be given kid friendly food.
I am in a similar situation and I would not expect visitors to east unfamiliar food.

Riderontheswarm · 16/06/2017 07:10

I'd let her go if your only concern is the food. Even if she doesn't eat what they give her she'll be fine. In my experience young kids don't eat much on playdates anyway as they are so excited. He may well give her something she does like. If he doesn't feed her when she gets home. I hope she has a great time.

NancyDonahue · 16/06/2017 07:12

I'm sure they will give her something appropriate for a child in the country they live in. If not, who knows, dd might yry something new and like it! I would let her go to dinner but have some food ready for her in case she's hungry when she gets home. You could also give her something more substantial for lunch so she's not too hungry at dinner. Most kids on play dates don't each much anyway, they just want to play!

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 16/06/2017 07:12

At 3 I would probably say to the father that although she would probably eat rice/ noodles with chicken/ veg she isn't used to very spicy food. Maybe have some rice/ noodles over the weekend and say that this is a bit like the food that xxx probably eats. Has she ever tried the seafood? At that age mine loved mussels, prawns and seafood.

Ceebs85 · 16/06/2017 07:12

I'm sure if she's Chinese and family are that they will be aware the food they make is not what your dd is likely to be used to. When I was little I was invited to a Chinese friend's too. I ate what I was given and enjoyed it, I think they had made a little bit of an effort to make the meal Chinese, but something I might be more likely to be familiar with so you might find this family will do the same.

It might look weird if you ask them not to feed her, but wouldn't look so weird if you just mentioned something like 'don't worry if she doesn't eat everything, she's being a bit fussy lately' or something like that. A little white lie never hurt anyone.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 16/06/2017 07:15

Just tell him your dd can be fussy with food and take no offense and don't worry if she doesn't eat much.

That aside, a play date of a 3 year old where you don't do with them? Not a hope in hell would that happen here (Ireland). 3 is way too young for that

vickifaith · 16/06/2017 07:19

Kids have no filter and most parents totally understand that. If your DD says I don't like it I doubt they will offended - kids can be picky. I expect though that they will serve kid friendly food in the first place! I'd let her go and just say before hand 'my DD is pretty fussy with her food! Please don't be offended if she doesn't eat and don't go out don't go out of your way to cook her anything different, she can always have a snack when she returns'

Original poster

ItalianWiking84 · 16/06/2017 07:28

Dd is used to rice and noodles but not a fan of spicy food. She eats prawns and crab but haven't tried mussels yet, perhaps an idea for the weekend.

nocab I have no problem not being there, she's been on other play days without me. Here it's not so normal to stay unless it would be a friend of myself.

OP posts:

Original poster

ItalianWiking84 · 16/06/2017 07:37

I'm not sure I want to tell the dad she's fussy Eater because she really isent and i often read here that ppl moan about children being fussy

OP posts:

MrsOverTheRoad · 16/06/2017 07:45

Don't say anything. Tell Dd that it's polite to try food which is given when you're a guest but she doesn't have to eat it all. This is part of DD's social development.

sm40 · 16/06/2017 07:47

Hopefully they'll check with you if she's allergic to anything/not like anything and then you can somehow subtly bring it up
Then. However I would hope in a 3 year old play date they will play it safe and serve something all
Kids like.

Penfold007 · 16/06/2017 07:48

I wouldn't say anything either to the hosts or your daughter. Sitting eating with her friend gives her an opportunity to try new foods and taste experiences, she might have very expensive tastes and enjoy the seafood 😁.

Marcipex · 16/06/2017 07:59

Dgd who is 4 would eat noodles and seafood, just nothing with chilli. You might be pleasantly surprised. And not many people would offer hot chilli to visiting young children.

FloweryTwat · 16/06/2017 08:07

My DC hate spicy food and hate seafood.

Apart from the massive Prawn Bhuna they ate last week when I didn't tell that what it was...

You might be surprised at what she eats, or she might only eat dessert if there is one. I have had DC here for play dates and they haven't eaten but I don't worry about it, they're only little and sometimes it's nerves rather than not liking food.

SafeToCross · 16/06/2017 08:12

Parents used to stay on play dates at this age when mine were in nursery in the uk. Presume that is maybe not the norm where you are. Will your dd be confident to stay without you?

Lalalandfill · 16/06/2017 08:13

It is normal on playdates wth children from all cultures to have kids not want to eat the host's food, I've had Chinese kids at my house cry at what I've offered . I've had children refuse things like plain bread and pasta.

I on't take offence - though I DO think it's good to teach children as young as possible that the right response is "No, thank you, i'm not very hungry' rather than "Eeew, that's disgusting", which is so often the case with kids, much older than your dd. Personally, I do prefer some warning of fussy eaters so I would say please don't be offended if she doesn't eat much and don't worry about it.

Natsku · 16/06/2017 08:14

I find children are more likely to try different foods when their friends are eating them so who knows, maybe DD will try and like whatever they serve, though I agree they are likely to serve something a bit more 'normal for Denmark' for a first playdate with a young child.

Original poster

ItalianWiking84 · 16/06/2017 08:21

safe she has had a couple of play dates since starting kindergarten and is confident about staying without me yes.

And good idea to reinforce that she of course needs to be polite and not say eww or similar to food but just no thanks.

Dh dropped her off this morning and put a note in the girls locker with my number. If he txt I'll let him know she's not that use to spicy food.
And yes perhaps she'll like what the serve, she usually eats more or less everything but needs a bit of pushing when trying new things, but does know that you can't say you don't like it unless you tasted it

OP posts:

RB68 · 16/06/2017 08:28

I am sure they are very aware of the differences, and will likely serve something more western or stick to plainer food. If not she can have a second tea once home :-)

Lunde · 16/06/2017 08:28

I'm sure she will find something she likes - if it is Danish open sandwiches there will be many different options such as seafood, cold meats, cheeses are standard - or if it is hot food I'm sure there will be rice, pasta or potatoes - many typically Danish dishes involve fried fish, roast meats or homemade burgers (Hakkebøf) if it is Chinese cooking I'm sure there will be rice and/or noodles

Maybe she will surprise you and try something new - I remember being quite worried when DD at 12 months went to Danish Farmor/Grandma's 75th Birthday at a posh restaurant. We were the only ones under 70 there. The food was a typical Danish party meal of platters to make open Sandwiches. I had a jar of baby food but to everyone's amazement 12 month DD just dug in and had prawns, mussels (she loved these but insisted we took home the pretty shells lol) and rounded of with a hunk of bread with Danish blue cheese and a bowl of the dessert!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/06/2017 08:31

I'd probably tell them things she doesn't like, so they at least know to avoid them.
I'd also tell her that if she sees something new, she should at least try it.

Is squirt octopus or squid?

KingIrving · 16/06/2017 08:45

We live in Australia and my son loves to go at his Chinese friend's house because his mum makes the best dumplings ever. Don't worry and take it as an opportunity to embrace new food in a very relaxed setting. Pick he up with a snack in your bag and if she is hungry because she didn't eat much dinner, she can have it.

NormaSmuff · 16/06/2017 08:48

It will be an experience for her. my dd was older when she started going to a Thai household and loved their food.
i am sure the emphasis wont be on eating - they will be busy playing and I am sure your dd will eat some of their food, if not all, since it will be in a different setting. i dont know why you stress about it.

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