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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Childish boyfriend

61 replies

user1497547038 · 15/06/2017 18:23

Hi sorry for the long post in advance
I am 13 weeks pregnant and had my scan today. Me and my boyfriend have been together 4 years and this is our first baby together. We are not living with each other at the moment, but plan to when the baby is born.

Today I had my scan booked for 8:20am and planned to go pick my boyfriend up at 8am to get to the hospital all on time. Admittedly I was 5 minutes late but this still gave us plenty of time to get to the hospital and park etc. I rung him before I was even outside as I know he is shit for time keeping. He was aware that this scan is very important for dating, highlighting any sinister problems and for the nuchal translucency but still took 10 minutes to leave his house to get into my car. He then slowly walked to my car and had the cheek to check his hair in my car window before getting in. I made a comment that he has no real urgency in him, he was already in a bad mood and I was now running very late. When it got to 8:20am, I was stressing out and asked him to call the ultrasound department to tell them we was running late which he did. He didn't relay any of this information back to me until I asked 5 minutes later, he said the receptionist said we will probably have to rebook but to come anyway to see if we can be booked in last minute or if there are any cancellations. Stressing even more as I know there is a time scale for nuchal translucency and I panic about stuff like that, as wel wjth my hormones on top of things. His point was that I was 5 minutes late anyway, but he should have been ready for me to come and get him and go to the hospital together.

Luckily, we got to the hospital and they managed to slot us in quickly and put us straight through for an ultrasound. Everything was perfect with the baby, and it was lovely to see on the screen. I asked the sonographer what his guess would be and he said "possibly a baby girl from what I am looking at" to which I was thrilled about and he also put my dates forward so happy to know my baby will be born in 2017 and of course is healthy. He mentioned that I wouldn't be able to know for sure until 16 weeks through private scan if I wanted to, and I agreed and said I did have a private scan. My boyfriend turned around sarcastically and said "ah do you? Didn't tell me?" I did tell him but he has a habit of forgetting these things, I brushed it off because the sonographer could obviously sense a bit of tension in the room. Anyway, got the scan all done and I wanted to buy some pictures. He didn't look too phased by the beautiful baby moving around on the screen. Stupidly didn't get money out this morning and I was under the impression they only accept change rather than notes. So asked my boyfriend if he had changed and he bluntly replied "no" I then said ah ok no problem well get pictures next time then. He said "I didn't say I didn't have money though" and pulled out a note for the pictures. To which the sonographer accepted and printed off our pictures of the baby which was lovely. Before we got the pictures printed off he turned around and said "YOU pick 2 and I pick 2" which I felt was a bit off, it's pictures of our baby ffs they all look almost the same but ok. So got these printed off and left the ultrasound department to get blood test done

After we sat down, we agreed after leaving we'd get breakfast and I suggested going to the hospital cafe. Turned his nose up but agreed. After getting a drink etc, I called my mum to tell her sonographer thinks baby girl but not sure and that I'd been moved ahead of my dates. He interrupted me whilst I was speaking to my mum and said "he did not say that do you want me to go back in and ask and record it?" Belittling me. I brushed this off again and he moved a seat away from me.

I then got called up for my blood test, he doesn't stop telling other people how he can't stand blood etc. So I said no don't bother will be out in 5 minutes anyway, so went in by myself which was fine and got it done. We then went to walk out to the cafe and I explained the blood tests were for me to know if the baby was at risk of Down syndrome etc. He didn't seem too bothered so we carried on walking to the cafe.

On arrival to the hospital cafe; he turnt his nose up immediately before even looking at the food. He made a rude comment under his breath, something about the presentation of the cafe but as long as it has food and water why does it really matter? It isn't going to be a steakhouse in a hospital and I was hungry. We proceeded to self serve and he was disgusted by the food. To be honest it wasn't even bad. His face was even worse when we got up to the till at the thought of two breakfasts for £13.90. I thought this was good? Considering it was a full English with drinks. I live in London. We sat down and I was enjoying the food, he clearly wasn't and threw it in the bin. Fair enough I thought, so I made conversation mentioning a friend of his family congratulated me on my pregnancy he turned around and said "I don't really care I can't stand them" yet he turned up at one of their christenings a few weeks ago lol. He also accused me of hating them too, I have never said this so he's lying about this too. I took offence to this and said "why don't you just go back to work?" So he walked off and low and behold he's waiting for me on another table , as we was previously sat outside enjoying breakfast. He said he wanted to see me to my car and he'd make his own way home, I paid for the car ticket and insisted I dropped him off anyway.

I asked when he was next coming round so we could plan baby shopping etc, and he said at the moment I don't want to be around you. I asked him what his problem was and he just gave me a filthy look on his face and thank god we was in traffic because he swung my car door open with so much force (cars only an old banger, buying a new one soon) I genuinely thought it was going to come off, he then slam it shut telling me to fuck off. I shouted out "I won't have you talking or trying to hit me like your brother does to his missus" shouldn't have said it I know, but out of anger I said this and drove off home

My question is AIBU to not bother answering to his phone calls or texts for a while to give him a bit of a sharp shock to realise that his behaviour was unacceptable?

Thanks xxEaster Smile

OP posts:
UndersecretaryofWhimsy · 16/06/2017 19:51

He's a test, you don't like him, and he's treating you horribly. End it soonest.

UndersecretaryofWhimsy · 16/06/2017 19:51

Twat not test (fuck off prudish autocorrect)

Bumdishcloths · 16/06/2017 19:57

This isn't childish, it's emotional abuse and early gaslighting. It will likely get worse. If he's treating you this way, how will he behave with a crying baby? I certainly wouldn't trust someone with an unreasonable temper around an infant.

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2017 19:59

How old are you both and was this pregnancy planned? When you say you don't live together, do you both live with your respective parents? Have you either of uou ever had your own homes? Are you both employed?

I think what you describe is part of a wider issue and the answers to the above questions might shed some more light on what's going on here.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 16/06/2017 19:59

Prepare to go it alone. It will be easier.

BeBeatrix · 16/06/2017 20:09

Even if you end the relationship, he's still the father of your baby and you're potentially tied to him for life.

So be the bigger person. Apologise for the comment about violence, and explain exactly what the problem was with his behaviour and why it was so upsetting.

And explain that it's unacceptable, and either therefore it's over between you, or maybe you give him another chance, depending on what you've decided.

Neutrogena · 16/06/2017 20:31

It sounds unanimous. Lose the man. Keep the baby.

Lasagnabreath · 17/06/2017 21:55

You both sound quite immature. How was he in the four years you have been together? Was the baby planned? You've focused a lot on his behaviour now but have said anything about his behaviour prior.

MistressDeeCee · 17/06/2017 22:15

Oh is he one of those boring pita idiots that love to spoil their partner's happy experiences, especially when its meant to be a joint thing? Yawn. Id not bother arguing or confronting him about anything, get on with your life and pregnancy, spend time around supportive people. Dont make him your focus. If he wants to be with you he'll behave, if not well then his loss. Dont let him hang around you being sarky and miserable tho - make him piss off if he tries that. At this time especially you dont need the angst of him and his deeply unattractive unkind traits

Aeroflotgirl · 17/06/2017 22:27

I'd be taking this baby without him, don't move in together, he sounds awful.

Badbadtromance · 23/06/2017 17:24

I had one like that. Do yourself a favy and get rid.he'll only drag you down with his misery. I did just that and am a v happy sp..

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