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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Childish boyfriend

61 replies

user1497547038 · 15/06/2017 18:23

Hi sorry for the long post in advance
I am 13 weeks pregnant and had my scan today. Me and my boyfriend have been together 4 years and this is our first baby together. We are not living with each other at the moment, but plan to when the baby is born.

Today I had my scan booked for 8:20am and planned to go pick my boyfriend up at 8am to get to the hospital all on time. Admittedly I was 5 minutes late but this still gave us plenty of time to get to the hospital and park etc. I rung him before I was even outside as I know he is shit for time keeping. He was aware that this scan is very important for dating, highlighting any sinister problems and for the nuchal translucency but still took 10 minutes to leave his house to get into my car. He then slowly walked to my car and had the cheek to check his hair in my car window before getting in. I made a comment that he has no real urgency in him, he was already in a bad mood and I was now running very late. When it got to 8:20am, I was stressing out and asked him to call the ultrasound department to tell them we was running late which he did. He didn't relay any of this information back to me until I asked 5 minutes later, he said the receptionist said we will probably have to rebook but to come anyway to see if we can be booked in last minute or if there are any cancellations. Stressing even more as I know there is a time scale for nuchal translucency and I panic about stuff like that, as wel wjth my hormones on top of things. His point was that I was 5 minutes late anyway, but he should have been ready for me to come and get him and go to the hospital together.

Luckily, we got to the hospital and they managed to slot us in quickly and put us straight through for an ultrasound. Everything was perfect with the baby, and it was lovely to see on the screen. I asked the sonographer what his guess would be and he said "possibly a baby girl from what I am looking at" to which I was thrilled about and he also put my dates forward so happy to know my baby will be born in 2017 and of course is healthy. He mentioned that I wouldn't be able to know for sure until 16 weeks through private scan if I wanted to, and I agreed and said I did have a private scan. My boyfriend turned around sarcastically and said "ah do you? Didn't tell me?" I did tell him but he has a habit of forgetting these things, I brushed it off because the sonographer could obviously sense a bit of tension in the room. Anyway, got the scan all done and I wanted to buy some pictures. He didn't look too phased by the beautiful baby moving around on the screen. Stupidly didn't get money out this morning and I was under the impression they only accept change rather than notes. So asked my boyfriend if he had changed and he bluntly replied "no" I then said ah ok no problem well get pictures next time then. He said "I didn't say I didn't have money though" and pulled out a note for the pictures. To which the sonographer accepted and printed off our pictures of the baby which was lovely. Before we got the pictures printed off he turned around and said "YOU pick 2 and I pick 2" which I felt was a bit off, it's pictures of our baby ffs they all look almost the same but ok. So got these printed off and left the ultrasound department to get blood test done

After we sat down, we agreed after leaving we'd get breakfast and I suggested going to the hospital cafe. Turned his nose up but agreed. After getting a drink etc, I called my mum to tell her sonographer thinks baby girl but not sure and that I'd been moved ahead of my dates. He interrupted me whilst I was speaking to my mum and said "he did not say that do you want me to go back in and ask and record it?" Belittling me. I brushed this off again and he moved a seat away from me.

I then got called up for my blood test, he doesn't stop telling other people how he can't stand blood etc. So I said no don't bother will be out in 5 minutes anyway, so went in by myself which was fine and got it done. We then went to walk out to the cafe and I explained the blood tests were for me to know if the baby was at risk of Down syndrome etc. He didn't seem too bothered so we carried on walking to the cafe.

On arrival to the hospital cafe; he turnt his nose up immediately before even looking at the food. He made a rude comment under his breath, something about the presentation of the cafe but as long as it has food and water why does it really matter? It isn't going to be a steakhouse in a hospital and I was hungry. We proceeded to self serve and he was disgusted by the food. To be honest it wasn't even bad. His face was even worse when we got up to the till at the thought of two breakfasts for £13.90. I thought this was good? Considering it was a full English with drinks. I live in London. We sat down and I was enjoying the food, he clearly wasn't and threw it in the bin. Fair enough I thought, so I made conversation mentioning a friend of his family congratulated me on my pregnancy he turned around and said "I don't really care I can't stand them" yet he turned up at one of their christenings a few weeks ago lol. He also accused me of hating them too, I have never said this so he's lying about this too. I took offence to this and said "why don't you just go back to work?" So he walked off and low and behold he's waiting for me on another table , as we was previously sat outside enjoying breakfast. He said he wanted to see me to my car and he'd make his own way home, I paid for the car ticket and insisted I dropped him off anyway.

I asked when he was next coming round so we could plan baby shopping etc, and he said at the moment I don't want to be around you. I asked him what his problem was and he just gave me a filthy look on his face and thank god we was in traffic because he swung my car door open with so much force (cars only an old banger, buying a new one soon) I genuinely thought it was going to come off, he then slam it shut telling me to fuck off. I shouted out "I won't have you talking or trying to hit me like your brother does to his missus" shouldn't have said it I know, but out of anger I said this and drove off home

My question is AIBU to not bother answering to his phone calls or texts for a while to give him a bit of a sharp shock to realise that his behaviour was unacceptable?

Thanks xxEaster Smile

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 15/06/2017 20:48

You're not planning on making this dipshit your birth partner, are you?

Phoebefromfriends · 15/06/2017 21:01

Congratulations on the pg.

I actually think he's dumped you and if not you should dump him because he's incredibly immature, this relationship isn't going to last the course so you need to prepare for that.

Beware of any guy acting out when you are pregnant it can be a red flag for DA.

SparklyLeprechaun · 15/06/2017 21:08

He's a prick and he wants to end it with you. He hasn't got the guts to do it so he's putting the blame on you. Cut your losses and run for the hills.

Neverknowing · 15/06/2017 21:38

You need to leave him op. Your baby will be affected if they have to grow up around a dickhead like that.
I'd also worry about the fact that you've not lived together before but are going to when you have a baby. When you live with someone they're so different and it's hard, the relationship changes massively. Add the stress of a baby to that, it's not good. Please be careful.
Also if you do decide to continue with the relationship DO NOT put him on the birth certificate. He can be a parent if he mans up but if he doesn't then he can't cause shit for you and your child as he won't have parental responsibility.
I know this must be so hard for you but please leave him, for the sake of your child.

bluejelly · 15/06/2017 21:51

So sorry he's like this. Don't take it personally - it's not you it's him. Dump him, have the baby, enjoy her and then as she grows up find someone kinder, smarter and more mature to spend your life with. You won't regret it.

hellobonjour · 15/06/2017 21:51

May I ask what age you are because he sounds very immature.

Up to you but I'd plan a life without him

bluejelly · 15/06/2017 21:52

And Flowers for you. The last thing you need at this time. You will be so much happier without him.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 15/06/2017 21:56

Sweetheart, how old are you? I'm guessing fairly young. Please don't waste your life on a man who already treats you so badly. If this is anything to go on you'll be better of raising the baby alone - as least you won't have to manage a manchild as well.

I'd suggest you definitely do block him for a few days - not to give him a shock but to give yourself the space to decide if this is a relationship you actually want to stick with.

Barbie222 · 15/06/2017 22:11

I think he's just going to escalate the rudeness and unpleasantness until you leave him, then in his head he can blame it all on you. If you have somewhere good to live with and support around you when the baby is born, I'd just withdraw from contact from now on and get someone else to pass on a scan pic / newborn pic. Leave anything else up to him and see what he is made of, but I'd not expect him to be back. Sorry for your loss in this was but you have a lot to gain and be excited about here Flowers

TenForward82 · 15/06/2017 22:16

You lost me at "checking his hair in the car mirror".

He's a twat. Please leave him. Your child doesn't need to be around that kind of person.

Mrskeats · 15/06/2017 22:25

I'm struggling to work out why he was cross with you
I echo what others have said. There's no happy ending here I'm afraid.
Congrats on the baby though

Willow2017 · 15/06/2017 23:03

He isnt mature enough to be in a relationship never mind have a baby.
If this is the way he speaks to you now it will only get worse once all the pregnancy and baby stuff kicks in and he finds his freedom curtailled a bit.

Ignore him until he come grovvelling back and accepts that he is immature and a pratt. The last thing you need is to be stressed out every time you want to discuss something or go for tests/scans.

If he cant handle it/doesnt want a baby he should have said so before having sex with you.

Chloe84 · 15/06/2017 23:24

My question is AIBU to not bother answering to his phone calls or texts for a while to give him a bit of a sharp shock to realise that his behaviour was unacceptable?

You wouldn't be unreasonable.... but how long till he starts behaving like this again?

You need to be prepared to leave if he doesn't start treating you with love and respect.

tiptopteepe · 16/06/2017 09:51

Hes being really weird and aggressive. You have more than just yourself to think about now. Getting stressed may affect your baby. Make sure you are surrounded by positive people who actually care about you. Hes showing his true colours. I would seriously not move in with this man. Protect yourself because it may only get worse. I know you must want to be a happy family and are hoping its all going to be okay, but this does not bode well so i really advise that you get out while its easier.... and it will be harder once the baby is born and you are living together. Leave him now. He wont be any support to you. You deserve better Flowers

LagunaBubbles · 16/06/2017 09:58

AIBU to not bother answering to his phone calls or texts for a while

Dont answer them permanently! Seriously this is not good news for a stable loving relationship to bring a baby up in. Has he always been this charming or is it just since you fell pregnant?

TiredMumToTwo · 16/06/2017 10:02

I agree with other people - he is showing you his true colours & this is the easy bit, what would he be like with a colicky newborn? Take notice & leave now for your own sanity.

Neutrogena · 16/06/2017 10:08

I wouldn't want a child with him. It would make me think about keeping the baby. Good luck whatever you decide.

PS - I did like this though. It's classic
He then slowly walked to my car and had the cheek to check his hair in my car window before getting in
GrinGrinGrin

Luttrell · 16/06/2017 17:40

At one of your meetings with the midwife, she will speak to you alone in order to ask if your partner's behaviour has changed, become aggressive, belittling or frightening, because pregnancy us when you are at your mist vulnerable, frightened to leave and thus when abusers turn from mild dickheads into bullies who think they have now chained you in the house for good.

Have a chat with her. She'll point you in the right direction.

He's laying the foundations. Making you doubt your recall. Aggressive comments about money and cost. Dividing resources into 'yours' and 'mine'.

Your post chilled my blood. None of that was just childish, it struck me as aggressive and cruel and unnatural.

Iamastonished · 16/06/2017 17:49

If you stay with him you will have two children to look after. Don't move in together.

rollonthesummer · 16/06/2017 17:56

At one of your meetings with the midwife, she will speak to you alone in order to ask if your partner's behaviour has changed, become aggressive, belittling or frightening

I don't remember a midwife ever asking me this?

He sounds like a complete arse. Was the baby planned? I'm struggling to see why he was angry but I certainly wouldn't be continuing a relationship with him. How old is he?

Cheerybigbottom · 16/06/2017 18:10

His behaviour is so poor, I wonder if he wants you to be the one to end things so he can get off guilt free.

IHateUncleJamie · 16/06/2017 18:19

We are not living with each other at the moment, but plan to when the baby is born.

Please don't. If he treats you like this when you're not even living together, I doubt things will improve when you're together 24 hours a day. You both sound quite young but he sounds incredibly immature, so the likelihood is you'll end up with a newborn AND a stroppy boyfriend.

To be honest it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all. If you were my daughter I'd be advising you not to move in together, at the very least.

CrazedZombie · 16/06/2017 18:44

Childish is far too mild a word.

Totally understandable that you wouldn't want to talk to him right now. Not answering his texts to teach him a lesson is childish. If he asks just say don't want to talk because of your cuntish behaviour and take a breather.

This is the easiest bit of having a baby. You and your baby are healthy and you have the shopping and organising to look forward to. Personally I'd be looking at a plan B. The first year is super stressful and you need a partner who's going to cook,clean,patiently shush a screaming baby, deal with vomit and poo... Does he realise that he can't throw childish tantrums anymore because he's not the centre of attention any more?

If you can't cope with that much change then at least think about getting an alternative birthing partner. You don't want to have to fear his reaction to the blood and other fluids when you give birth. (It's messy and can involve poo and all sorts 😂) You don't want him embarrassing you when he decides to give his opinion on hospital interior design etc.

I feel compelled at add an extra paragraph at the end. I've said lots of negative things about babies but want to add the great bits like the smell and cuddles. 😍 I sometimes look at my kids and ponder the nature vs nurture question, out of the gazillion combinations of DNA, an amazing person has resulted who will teach you new things about life and the world. You really don't need a man-child pissing on your parade.

thatorchidmoment · 16/06/2017 19:39

This is not someone who is prepared to step up and become a parent. He is treating you appallingly. Run.

DeadGood · 16/06/2017 19:45

He's not childish - he is a prick. He will ruin your life if you let him.

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