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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to swallow my pride!

82 replies

Mrslewski · 15/06/2017 10:10

I made my personal assistant of 15 years redundant back in July.

It wasn't a decision that was taken lightly but we couldn't afford her position anymore. Cuts had to be made and I felt I could manage my job without a personal assistant.

We already have a team of admin staff and it was decided the PA's work would be separated between them and one extra admin assistant brought in. We offered her the opportunity to be the admin assistant but she refused.

She has been very happy working for us and made sure to let us know she understood the decision and love working for us.

Fast forward a year and we have realised we made a massive mistake. We never appreciated how hard she worked, her 'can do' attitude, her ability to know what needed to be done without being told, how she completed tasks to such a high standard and and more. She never needed to be told what needed to be done. She just knew.

Yes this experience meant she had a salary of 30k but it was worth it.

We've had a string of people since that didn't even come close. Our reviews online have gone from over 90% to 60% with delays and poor service now commonplace.

We're not falling apart but my days are spend having to tell the assistants what to do and this slows down processes and means delays and poor customer service. I'm doing twice the work by having to spell out what needs to be done all the time.

The admin assistants are not poor workers. They just don't work closely with me so can't know to the same standard what needs to be done. I also think my old PA had particularly good initiative.

We're going to make an assistant manager position and offer it to my old PA. she will get a salary of 45k.

We don't know if she will accept this but she is currently on 26k so I think she will.

I was planning to explain that while we couldn't afford her as a PA, we have realised an assistant manager position was necessary and we felt she would be a very good choice for the position.

My Manager says he doesn't want to run the risk of her declining and so he feels I should explain that we've realised we made an error of judgement and we do in fact need her services at the company. For this reason we'd like to offer her a position higher than what she had before and would love to welcome her back at the company if she accepted the offer.

But, I don't want to admit we were wrong. I accept it in myself but I don't want to have to work with her day in day out knowing we couldn't cope without her and having to swallow my pride. It will be even worse if she doesn't accept!

AIBU to word it like I want not my other manager? I don't want to swallow my pride!

OP posts:

Tazerface · 15/06/2017 11:29

Bewty's wording is not fabulous. It's cold. If she's a friend then I really don't know why you're flapping about this? Can't you send the cold email after you have already told her face to face how much you need her back as you're basically in the shit without her?

maisiejones · 15/06/2017 11:30

nina2b Thu 15-Jun-17 10:12:43
Are you asking a parenting forum to help you make a "business" decision.

What a ridiculous post. People post about all sorts of subjects.

PinkPeppers · 15/06/2017 11:31

Fwiw if this was my company, I would be looking carefully and my systems so that I wasn't so filly reliant on one person.
I would want everyone to KNOW what needs to be done and when.

And I would be very clear that the sucess of my company is very strong,y linked to the hard work on that one dedicated person.
Have a think, knowing how much difference she is making, do you think you would ever have been as successful wo her?
Time to be a bit more humble IMO.

OllyBJolly · 15/06/2017 11:35

Don't see the problem.

The company couldn't afford a £30k PA but could afford a £45k management role. I'm assuming the responsibilities will be greater and the expectations higher. It's a business decision.

And yes, a bit of honesty that you didn't actually appreciate the extent of her contibution before will go a long way.

BreconBeBuggered · 15/06/2017 11:35

The best managers I've worked with have been the ones who a)acknowledge the value of the people they manage, and b)are willing to admit their mistakes. You appreciate your ex-PA's contribution to your business, and now that you can afford to re-hire her I cannot for the life of me see how it could be anything but a pleasure to approach her and tell her so.

missiondecision · 15/06/2017 11:38

Imvho pride is only a problem because you have remained friends.
From a professional POV It's more important to train your staff to use their initiative and work proactively as well as reactively.
Never put all your eggs on one basket, if she's so good at her job what's to stop her taking your job?

user1471545174 · 15/06/2017 11:42

Gosh, swallow your pride, take her for a posh lunch and offer her the title and extra money, hopefully she'll bite your arm off!

You need to admit your mistake as well to get her loyalty back - it's one of those situations where words and actions are of equal importance.

Good luck, I have been her, more than once :)

sparklefarts · 15/06/2017 11:45

Don't be an idiot, the obvious thing here to to tell her how valuable you have realised she is.
To be honest, if I were her I wouldn't be coming back without the above.

SnakesandKnives · 15/06/2017 11:46

Being totally blunt I think you're being silly.

You parted on good terms, she understood why you made the decision you did and you're still friends. There is no pride to swallow.

Unless this isn't really friendship, and has always been about you being superior as the business owner and her being lucky to spend time with you..........

Were I in your position (and I employ many people so it could happen) i'd be delighted if I had a chance to say to someone I liked and respected, 'It's been a fucking shambles without you in some respects....we've managed to get things sorted out financially and can offer you a position which you really deserve and on lots more money now - it would be wonderful if you worked for us again'. To be able to say that to a friend would actually be great I think - and it bothers me a bit you don't see it that way.

Do you know how rare it is is lose an employee and then find out you really would like them back??

Pigflewpast · 15/06/2017 11:47

You couldn't afford her at 30 but now advertise a position at 45k. If you don't make it very clear this is her position if she wants it, and that you made a huge mistake, she will be massively upset. It looks like you didn't want her and used money as an excuse to get rid of her and then get somebody else in, not long after, who you think will be worth much more than she was. You have to tell her the truth

MinisterForSmallFountains · 15/06/2017 11:49

Maybe she is brilliantly machievellian and she is the one who's been writing the bad user reviews in order to show your business has gone downhill since she left Only joking.

I agree with bewtyskool on page one - say how much you value her and ask if she's interested. I also think you need to make sure everything does not rely on one person so much - train up or get better admin assistance.

I really deep down agree with people about managers etc being able to be honest and apologise for mistakes, but having observed and experienced how large, successful organisations approach things, that does not seem to be how it works or what makes them really successful. I suppose it depends if you want to run a friendly, lovely place or be mega successful, when a certain amount of ruthlessness seems to come in to play. I don't like that that's the case but it seems to be the way of the world.

user1471545174 · 15/06/2017 11:55

They often end up crap though, Minister, with good staff carrying makeweights. Surely your own business is a great opportunity to hand pick your staff.

StoatofDisarray · 15/06/2017 11:58

She will find out you made a mistake as soon as she talks to anyone else in the company.

Be honest: tell her you made a mistake, fgs, or else she will think less of you when she discovers what's gone down in her absence.

At least that way you control how she finds out. Would you rather she found out by someone saying "OMG, Mrslewski made a complete cock-up of things and she's been desperate to have you back?"

Piratesandpants · 15/06/2017 12:01

There's something about your post and your attitude, Lack of humility.... But I wouldn't want to work for you, even with a significant pay rise on offer.

MinisterForSmallFountains · 15/06/2017 12:02

Yes, I don't disagree. I'm just saying, from my own observations, that some business people would make sure they got what they wanted (ie get good member of staff back) without saying they had been wrong, lest that lead, later, to some feeling that their judgements were not good or that they were weak in some way. I'm not saying I agree - I do not run a successful business, I am poor and wet. I just think there is obviously some reasoning behind very large, powerful organisations being very careful how they deal with such things and thinking ten or fifteen steps ahead. I'm probably talking bollocks. I hate how organisations often behave to people.

MinisterForSmallFountains · 15/06/2017 12:02

Sorry, that was to user

mellowbean · 15/06/2017 12:13

You need to swallow your pride. You said yourself that despite working closely with you, you had no idea how hard she worked and all the small stuff she did for you without boasting about it. She's on 26k now but she wont be for long.

Are you worried the next promotion for her is your job?

sorry to be harsh but I've been in similar position a couple of years after graduating Business school. Suffice to say I didn't
go back..

JustHappy3 · 15/06/2017 12:14

I once made a mistake of judgement and was explaining the new plan in a meeting and it was going down terribly and i realised it was a bad idea. I stopped, apologised profusely and said they were right.
I expected to be hung out to dry. They were nothing but lovely. They said they'd never heard anyone admit they were wrong so honestly - and these guys were at the top of their profession. And from that day on they treated me with more respect and trust and i had the best working relationship with that group.
It was a good lesson to learn. Eat humble pie, be absolutely honest and say you got it wrong. Because you did and you know you did, your colleagues and staff know you did and she probably knows too - so it can't get any worse! You trying to brazen it out would just create an atmosphere that might build/brew.

CalmShambala · 15/06/2017 12:14

I have seen this so many times. I used to work in a few big MNC's and they used to take the PA's for granted. The truth is that the PA was the one making sure everything ran ship shape. They are underpaid and worth their weigh in gold.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/06/2017 12:17

Given your update and further discussion of the type of person she is, I would now agree that yes, you DO need to apologise. Admit you weren't able to cope without her! let her feel valued, needed, important - after all, it's the truth!

Be open, be honest, be humble, be contrite.

hmcAsWas · 15/06/2017 12:20

Absolutely do as your manager has suggested - admit that you made an error of judgement and hadn't realised just how much she did in he role and the massive gap she has left behind. Honesty is definitely the best policy here

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/06/2017 12:21

If you can't admit your mistake, you don't deserve to be her manager. Not wanting to apologise and do the decent thing makes you sound rather immature. Of course you absolutely should apologise.

dailydance · 15/06/2017 12:27

What littledragon said. You also sound arrogant if you can't admit that you might actually make mistakes

I'm surprised you think that she won't see through you.

greedygorb · 15/06/2017 12:28

The poor woman. She knew she was holding your business together I suspect and was rewarded by being demoted. It says something about her character that she's still friends with you outside work. I think an apology is in order and an open discussion about how good she was and what an idiot you were to not realise it. I don't get how people think admitting you were wrong is a weakness. It's an absolute strength - particularly in a manager

FinallyHere · 15/06/2017 12:41

So long as you have a plan to remedy the error, the relationship between people shifts, and becomes much better and more effective, deeper and more forgiving, when one of them admits to having made a mistake. Likewise, if you make a mistake which is obvious to the other person and do not own up to it, the shift is towards less respect, and a worse relationship.

There are so many reasons to be brave and 'fess up, when you make a mistake. Can you find it in yourself, to be brave enough?

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